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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24136312">The Morning After</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadAboutGrey/pseuds/MadAboutGrey'>MadAboutGrey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:33:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>66,750</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24136312</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadAboutGrey/pseuds/MadAboutGrey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek Shepherd takes an offer from Richard Webber. Little does he know what turn his life will take next. Meredith Grey just wanted a drink after a hard day at work. She didn't realise exactly what that entailed. | Also posted on fanfiction.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Pilot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Blinding light streaming through the blinds and into her eyes woke her first. Followed by flashbacks from the night before that leaked, unwanted, into her memory. The bar. The tequila.</p><p>The <em>guy.</em></p><p>A slight movement in the bed next to her caused her eyes to open wider, her nerves jumped. Instinctively, she grabbed the sheets closer to her, aware of her lack of clothing, and she climbed – or more like fell – out of the bed.</p><p><br/>
He looked up at her, his sleep disturbed from the loss of bedcovers and the sound of her getting out the bed. She watched him carefully, blinking through the sleep in his eyes, followed by a grumble that could be mistaken for a greeting of some sort. Her eyes flashed to the alarm clock beside him. <em>06:43. Crap.</em></p><p><br/>
Her gaze assessed her unfamiliar surroundings. Open plan, modern, big windows. Definitely an apartment. She looked over to the window. Definitely an apartment. This was not where she was supposed to be. This was not where she normally woke up. Her gaze drifted towards the couch, remembering the night before. The slight pounding in her head confirming her thoughts. <em>Lots of tequila. She had lost that patient…</em></p><p><br/>
“I... I have to go," she breathed as her brain finally started to wake. Quickly, conscious of the time, she found her clothes from the night before, her bag. Still clutching the sheets to her body.<br/>
“Do you <em>have</em> to, though?" the stranger – no, the guy from the bar, responded in an attempt to relive the night's activities, "I've still got some time, you know… more tricks up myself sleeve," he announced with a smirk on his lips.</p><p><br/>
More memories flooded in from <em>those</em> activities. His <em>tricks</em>. She hesitated slightly, almost convinced to drop her things and fall back into the bed, if not for the sound of her phone's alarm coming from her bag.</p><p><br/>
“No, I mean, yes, I do <em>have</em> to," she said, making her way towards where she could see the adjoining bathroom, "I need to be at work in..." she glanced over to the alarm clock, "in less than an hour! <em>Crap</em>," the last part said more to herself. She let the sheet drop to the floor as she darted into the previously identified bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her, aware of her racing heartbeat.</p><p><br/>
She looked up at the mirror above the sink. She needed a shower. Not here. Where even was here? Rushing, she dressed herself. Shoes…? Front door. She reached into her bag, aware of the alarm still going off. Silencing it, she checked for missed messages. Just one. She'd deal with that later. A knock on the door as she used the hair tie on her wrist to somewhat tame her bed head has her rolling her eyes.</p><p><br/>
She opened the door. In front of her, stood the guy. Not dressed. With great willpower, she kept her eyes looking up, "I really need to go, uhm…" she looked into her eyes, this would be the part she doesn't remember. <em>Typical.</em><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>"Derek," he grinned, confidence radiating as he stepped to the side, "do I at least get a number?"<br/>
She didn’t normally give that. They didn’t normally ask, though.</p><p>She slipped past him, eyes taking in her surroundings once again, landing on a pen and pile of post-its lay on the counter of what she assumed to be the kitchen area. She could feel his eyes on her as she went over and grabbed the pen, simply writing her number there on the top post-it, "now I really have to go," she turned back to him with a small smile, noting that he had managed to half dress himself. Looking over to the door of the apartment she spotted her shoes. Great. Putting them on she grabbed her phone again from her bag, ordering herself an uber. Thank god for GPS.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>"I'll call you, then," she heard his voice, much closer than before. Her breath hitched when she looked up and realised just how much closer he was. Right behind her. His hand pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear she hadn't even noticed had come loose. His lips connected with hers, only lightly, surprisingly easing her nerves somewhat.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>"Texting, uhm texting is better," she managed to say as their lips parted. At the questioning look on his face she expanded slightly, "I rarely answer the phone, texting is easier.”</p><p>“Okay, I'll text you later, then," he winked, earning a small laugh from her, "I won't keep you," he said as he took a step back, hearing her phone confirm that her uber had arrived. He watched as she quickly gathered herself and left his apartment. The closing of the door popped the bubble he felt his mind in, and he too became wary of the time. His eyes flitted to the clock on the wall. <em>07:06</em>. He'd better get a move on, or he too would find himself late for work.</p><p>On his first day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Awkward Introductions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She jumped in the taxi, “Where to?” Now that was a good question.</p>
<p>She thought fast. Her car was at the hospital, still. She wouldn’t have time to shower at home and get into work on time without her car. She always had spare clothes at the hospital. Formal clothes, mind. They’ll do. “Seattle Grace Mercy West,” she responded. She’d have to slip in early. Hopefully, no one would see her. She could shower at the hospital.</p>
<p>She sat back in her seat in the car, feeling exhausted as she looked out the window. Sooner than she expected, the taxi arrived at the hospital. She didn’t realise how close she was to the hospital. Added bonus.</p>
<p>With a quick thanks to the driver, she slid out the cab, her eyes wary of anyone that might see her at this hour as she darted through the hospital, headed straight to her office. She sighed in relief, sure no one had seen her, or at least recognised her. Time. She checked her phone. <em>07:25.</em> Plenty of time. She checked the message on her phone. A reminder from her Chief of Surgery, Richard Webber.</p>
<p>
  <em>My office, 08:00. </em>
</p>
<p><em>Crap. Not enough time.</em> She grabbed the dress bag off the back of the couch that sat in her office. Hopefully, not too formal. She looked down at the clothes she was currently wearing. The blouse and jeans from yesterday. <em> Surely better than wearing these again.</em> She needed out of the clothes. IF it weren’t for her meeting with Richard, it’d be straight into the comfy, indigo scrubs for her. Dress bag in hand, she grabbed her toiletry bag from the drawer in her desk and walked the short distance down the hall to the attendings lounge, thankful this one time for the proximity. Thankful that no one else was in the lounge. Thankful the shower was free.</p>
<p>A sigh escaped her lips at the feel of the hot water against her skin from the shower, relishing in it for a moment before taking probably the quickest shower of her life. Leaving her hair for now, it would take too long to dry, she stepped out the shower, towel wrapped around her as she tamed her hair with a brush, looking far more presentable than ten minutes ago. She checked her phone again. <em>07:40.</em> She rushed into the blouse and dress pants she’d brought in with her, stepped into her shoes, and threw the used towel into the laundry hamper. Gathering her things, ready to head back to her office, she heard the voices of two of her co-workers drift in from the adjoined lounge.</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, she stepped out of the shower room, a grin on her face ready to greet whoever was on the other side of the door. April and Arizona. “Hey guys, love to chat, got to go!” she greeted them, as she sped through the room, leaving them no chance to respond as she fled down the hall back to her office, ignoring their questioning looks as they saw her carrying clothes from the day before with her.</p>
<p>A heavy sigh left her lips as she closed the door behind her. Her eyes glancing up to the clock on the wall. <em>07:55. Crap.</em> It would take a good two minutes speed walking to even get to Richard’s office. No time to waste, she grabbed her white coat, put her phone and pens in her pocket and attached her work badge to her upper left pocket. Ready.</p>
<p>Locking the door behind her, she made her way at a quick pace toward Richard’s office. Not noticing the familiar gaze on her as she ignored those she walked past, refusing to be late for anything. Especially a meeting with Richard Webber. Not that he’d mind, but she’d rather not have to try and explain any lateness to <em>him. </em>He was practically a father to her.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He shook his head. He must be imagining things. That can’t have been <em>her.</em> But it <em>is. </em> They may not have spent much time with each other, but he could never mistake her face. Her body. He took out his phone, and the post-it he’d grabbed before leaving his apartment. <em>Crap. He can’t remember her name.</em> Ignoring this slight bump in the road, he opened his messages and decided to send her one, <em>Hey, you got ready quick.</em></p>
<p>He was walking with the new head of ortho, Dr. Lincoln, towards the auditorium, as Dr. Webber had directed, when he saw her. He’d been here before, a few years ago for a surgery, and was still able to navigate his way to the auditorium easily. The room was empty when they arrived, so he made small talk with Dr. Lincoln while they’d waited. “You know, call me Link,” the doctor said to him.</p>
<p>“Call me Derek then, Link,” he grinned at him. They both turned and looked to wards the back of the room as they heard the door to the auditorium open. Derek couldn’t keep his eyes off her, if he could just see the name on her coat…</p>
<hr/>
<p>Knocking on the open door, she grinned as she spoke, “Good Morning, Chief Webber! Dr. Bailey,” she nodded towards the woman who’d been a teacher to her since she started her intern year, just over 6 years ago, the Deputy Chief of Surgery.</p>
<p>“Dr. Grey!” Chief Webber grinned back at her, “right on time! We have to be quick; the new interns start at half eight and I need us all ready in the auditorium. We have new members to our staff I’d like to introduce to yourselves before we go. They should be waiting for us at the auditorium any moment, I just sent them down to HR for their badges,” he spoke as he led Dr. Grey and Dr. Bailey out of his office and across the walkway towards the auditorium, a look exchanged between Grey and Bailey with a small laugh at the Chief’s enthusiasm. As they walked, other attendings, heads of their respective specialities joined them. April Kepner, head of trauma. Arizona Robbins, head of foetal surgery. Alex Karev, head of paediatric surgery. Maggie Pierce, head of cardiothoracic surgery. They expected to meet the new department heads in the auditorium, head of neurosurgery and head of orthopaedic surgery. Meredith’s phone buzzed in her pocket with a chime. She pulled it out quickly to check she wasn’t being paged. A message from an unknown number. She didn’t give it another thought and put her phone back. That could wait.</p>
<p>As they filed into the auditorium, her attention was elsewhere as she spoke with Maggie Pierce, her half-sister on her mother’s side. As usual, Maggie was pushing for answers from the night before. Maggie had seen her leave with him. Maggie knew what happened when you mixed Meredith and tequila. Meredith deflected her questions, wanting to know if Maggie had found anyone after she’d left. Maggie knew her tactics but played along anyway, talking about her drink with Avery.</p>
<p>Speaking with Maggie, she didn’t register the eyes watching her from the moment she entered the auditorium. He couldn’t take his eyes of her, but he had to. He looked to Richard Webber, giving him a firm handshake, “Good morning, Chief Webber.”</p>
<p>“Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Lincoln! Good morning! Let me introduce you to our current department heads before the rest of the residents and attendings arrive!” Looking towards his department heads with a sigh as they spoke amongst themselves, he cleared his throat and they all looked to him, unaware of the slight shift in the atmosphere as Maggie choked slightly in amusement, quick to gather herself as she recognised one of the men stood in front of them, Meredith stood in silent shock for a moment before also composing herself. Dr. Webber continued, “Dr. Atticus Lincoln, our new head of orthopaedic surgery, and Dr. Derek Shepherd, our new head of neurosurgery, meet my <em>dream team</em>,” the name he used for his top attendings earned him a few chuckles as he introduced them one by one, each taking their time to shake hands with the two new attendings.</p>
<p>“And this is our Head of General Surgery, Dr. Meredith Grey,” he introduced her last, after Maggie. By this point, Meredith had managed to clear her expression of any trace of surprise. Because <em>he</em> was here. But <em>she</em> was professional. She offered her hand to Dr. Lincoln and then to Dr. Shepherd, muttering a welcome. He held her hand for a moment longer than was necessary before releasing it. The noise of the new interns entering the auditorium caused her gaze to break from his, so did the nudge she felt in her side from Maggie.</p>
<p>She turned towards the noise as Maggie grabbed her arm, muttering in her ear, “you didn’t say he was going to be working here!” They went to stand beside Richard on the stage.</p>
<p>“<em>He</em> didn’t tell me he was going to be working here, there really wasn’t very much talking…” she muttered back quiet enough so she was sure only Maggie could hear her. Her eyes glanced over to where Dr. Shepherd was stood and saw him looking back at her, only for his gaze to drop and look beyond at the sea of people in front of them as he clocked her gaze.</p>
<p>“Welcome, everyone!” Richard announced to the auditorium with a grin, “Welcome to Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital! You’ll see we have two new additions to our leadership team, our heads of Neurosurgery and Orthopaedic surgery, Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Lincoln, both were unable to attend last night’s mixer so I thought best to put names to faces before we begin today. We’ll start with a quick tour around the hospital…” Richard’s speech continued, each of the attendings on stage with him assessing the look of the new interns as he spoke, until multiple pagers went off, a sign of carnage in the pit.</p>
<p>Thankful for the escape, Meredith left with Maggie and April, whose pagers had also signalled to the incoming trauma, and they made their way down to the pit, followed by the new orthopaedic head, Lincoln. After checking the ETA of the ambulance, Meredith and Maggie, the only two not yet in scrubs, rushed to go change, leaving April to take Lincoln to the pit.</p>
<p>“I’m not talking about this right now, Maggie,” she said to her sister, but with a grin, as Pierce pressed her for more information, “I don’t know any more about him than you do at this point!” She laughed and added on, “Okay, maybe more but not now!”</p>
<p>Maggie laughed with her as they made their way down to the pit, each collecting and putting on gown and gloves before meeting back with April and Lincoln at the doors to the emergency room. April looked questioningly towards the two sisters, “Okay, what’s happening? What have I missed?”</p>
<p>“We’ll tell you later!” They both said in unison as the ambulance arrived in the bay, and they got to work.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Trouble</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If it weren't for the fact her pager had gone off, piquing the interest of the new interns below, he could've sworn she might be trying to avoid him. His eyes followed her as she left the room with the other doctors. The hushed talk hadn't between him and the other doctor – Pierce, maybe? – hadn't gone unnoticed. Even if he hadn't heard what it was they were talking about, he was pretty sure that the glances in his direction meant it had something to do with him.</p>
<p>His refocused on the situation at hand as he heard he interns stand from their seats, with directions from Richard for them to follow him. The remaining attendings, Robbins and Karev, called his name and he followed them, "Let's get coffee, and then we can catch up with them," Robbins suggested.</p>
<p>"Good idea," Karev responded, "look forward to this every year!"</p>
<p>Derek looked towards them as they walked, confused at what they could mean, "look forward to what exactly?"</p>
<p>"The speech! Don't tell me you haven't heard <em>the speech</em>," Karev laughed as he spoke. "He welcomes the interns with this speech <em>every</em> year. Surely you've heard it?"</p>
<p>"Wait, you don't mean the one speech in the OR?" Derek laughed with realisation. "He was my teacher ten years ago and I remember it word for word to this day!" He commented as the approached the coffee cart at the front of the hospital.</p>
<p>"Yes! He cracks it out every year!" Robbins laughed and ordered her coffee, the other followed suit, and she checked her watch as she picked her order up, "Come on, he'll be reaching the OR in five minutes."</p>
<p>Karev and Robbins led Derek to the OR floor, and they sat down in the gallery of OR 2 just as Richard brought in the new class of interns. Behind, in the gallery, they were joined by other attendings.</p>
<p>He heard her voice before he saw her, "Have we missed it?" His eyes glanced over to her, but she hadn't noticed him.</p>
<p>Robbins spoke, "No, he's about to start!" Quiet fell among them as Richard began his famous speech.</p>
<p>"Each of you comes here today hopeful, wanting in on the game. A month ago you were in Med school being taught by doctors. Today, you <em>are </em>the doctors," Derek stifled a laugh as he noticed the attendings around him mouthing the speech along with Dr Webber as he spoke, "the seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you, say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty, five of you will crack under the pressure, two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line; this is your arena. How well you play it, that's up to you."</p>
<p>Derek laughed and looked to Karev and Robbins next to him, "word for word!" He felt eyes on him as he spoke. <em>Her eyes.</em> He turned to look, but she was already gone.</p>
<p>Robbins turned to the red head… Kepner? "Kepner!" He was getting the hang of these names. "Kepner, how's the patient?"</p>
<p>"Stable, for now, we wanted to come and see this before taking him into surgery. Car went into a telephone pole, I better get back," she turned to Pierce, "Where'd Grey go?" That's what he wanted to know as well.</p>
<p>Pierce turned next to her, "oh, she was right…" Maggie's eyes went to where he was sat, "that explains it," she muttered with a small laugh and left the room with Kepner.</p>
<p>Derek felt multiple eyes on him, "so, I'm just going to go, patients to see…" he said as he stood, not wanting to be the one to explain. These were her people. He doesn't kiss and tell. He left before anyone could say anymore.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Trouble. That's what he was. Trouble. She didn't need trouble. Not at work. Definitely not in her personal life. And he was <em>trouble</em>.</p>
<p>They'd just finished the surgery on the trauma patient, no more was shared between her and Pierce, but she was sure her sister would bring it up sooner or later. In an attempt to prolong that time, she let her resident, Jo Wilson, close while she scrubbed out.</p>
<p>Heading back to her office, her eyes were on her phone, reading through her missed messages. Momentarily avoiding the one received from the unknown number – from <em>his </em>number – and investigated the missed call, from Roseridge, having ignored the call during surgery she now had a voicemail. A soft sigh escaped her lips. She avoided that as well, for now, and put her phone away.</p>
<p>Before she could reach her office, she heard her name being called from down the hallway as she passed paediatrics, "Dr. Grey?" Her had snapped up and she rolled her eyes. Karev.</p>
<p>She stopped to talk to him, "Yes, Alex?"</p>
<p>He grinned at her, "And where did you get to last night?" Crap. She'd forgotten he was in the bar, too.</p>
<p>"I have no idea what you're talking about…" she grinned, avoiding the topic, leaning against the nurses station.</p>
<p>"Well, you were there one minute, and gone the next… Maggie said you didn't come home," his eyebrows waggled in a suggestive manner. He knew exactly where she'd gone. Well, not exactly, but she had a pretty good idea.</p>
<p>"Coffee, Karev, I need coffee," she laughed as he frowned at her. She patted his shoulder, "I'm sure you'll find out soon enough. But first, I <em>need</em> coffee. Roseridge called," she stated as her brow furrowed." She pushed up off the nurses station, continuing to her office.</p>
<p>"I'll be waiting, Grey!" He called after her.</p>
<p>"I have no doubt about that, Karev!" She called back, laughing to herself as she walked.</p>
<p>Having just poured the coffee into her takeaway mug, it would be typical for her pager to go off right then. Except it wasn't her pager, it was her phone ringing. <em>Roseridge, again. </em>She answered this time, "Hi, Meredith Grey speaking, I know you called earlier, I haven't had a moment to check my messages… she's <em>what?</em> Okay, I have to go."</p>
<p>Leaving the coffee behind, Meredith ran down to the ER, not noticing anyone around her. "Page Dr. Pierce!" No one questioned Meredith Grey. It was done. While she waited for Dr. Pierce, she stood in the ambulance bay, bracing herself for what was about to happen next. Maggie joined her moments later. Meredith looked at Maggie, momentarily speechless.</p>
<p>"Meredith, what's going on?" she questioned, as an ambulance pulled into the bay.</p>
<p>"It's Mom. She's here." Maggie's eyes widened as the ambulance doors opened and she took a minute to compose herself.</p>
<p>"Ellis Grey, 59, complaints of intermittent cramping pain and diarrhoea, also suffers from Alzheimer's," a resident from the ER was about to approach and take over from the EMT, but one look from Meredith, and they backed off. Meredith stood next to the gurney her mother was on, but instantly regretted it.</p>
<p>"What are you doing here? Haven't I told you not to bother me while I'm at work?!" <em>Nice to see you too, Mom. </em>She called the resident back over, instructing to take her to a private ER room. Noticing the look on Maggie's face, she grabbed her arm.</p>
<p>"Come with me, Maggie," she said, guiding Maggie back inside, ignoring the looks she was getting. She knew the looks; she'd seen the looks before. She didn't need to see the looks again. She took Maggie to the ER store cupboard, "I'm sorry, Maggie, I just got the call that they were coming here…" Meredith was the oldest. She was the one with the responsibility. For her mother. For her sister. It's how it always was.</p>
<p>"We, we should go, see what's going on," Maggie said, the look of shock still apparent on her face.</p>
<p>"We're not going anywhere right this second, let them calm her first, they shouldn't have even brought her here, Christ…" Meredith sighed and wrapped her arms around Maggie.</p>
<p>"Meredith, I'm okay, I'm fine…" Maggie tried to escape her sister's hold, but she wasn't letting up, "We need to get Richard at least," she looked at her sister, pleading with her.</p>
<p>A soft sigh escaped her lips as she gave her sister one last hug, "Okay, we'll go get someone to page Richard and we'll move Mom up to a room, and we'll go from there." Maggie nodded and they both walked out of the store cupboard. On their way to the exam room, she left a message for Dr. Webber to be paged. Entering the exam room, they found their mother had calmed down a great deal, she assumed due to the administration of haloperidol. She confirmed this with a quick look at her mother's chart on the tablet shehad picked up from the ER desk. She quickly read through the rest of the chart and then passed it to Maggie, finally looking up at her Mother properly, who'd gone to sleep.</p>
<p>"Right Dr…." She looked over to the resident in the room.</p>
<p>"Dr DeLuca, Andrew DeLuca."</p>
<p>"Dr. DeLuca, let's get Dr. Grey up to a room, shall we?" She looked over to Maggie, who had the tablet,</p>
<p>"There's an opening in 2201, we can take her there," Maggie confirmed, just as Dr Webber entered the room.</p>
<p>"What's going on? Is she okay?" He looked to Meredith for answers.</p>
<p>"Possible diverticulitis, Dr. DeLuca here was about to take her up to room 2201," she nodded towards the resident as Maggie passed the tablet over to her father, Richard, who studied it carefully, "I'll find Dr Bailey for her."</p>
<p>"Yes, yes, good…" Richard commented, passing the tablet over to Meredith, who assigned the case to Dr Bailey, "And are you, are you two okay? Do you need the day off?"</p>
<p>Meredith and Maggie both shook their heads, Maggie spoke first, "I have to go, I need to be in surgery in ten minutes."</p>
<p>"You go, Maggie, I'll come find you if there's any more updates," her sister nodded and set off to go scrub in for surgery, Meredith turned towards Richard, "I need to go, are you okay…?"</p>
<p>"Yes, I'm fine, Meredith, I'll stay for a while, if that's okay," he smiled toward her, and rested his hand on her shoulder a short while.</p>
<p>Meredith gave a small smile back, turning to Dr DeLuca before leaving the room, "Make sure you page Dr Bailey." Stood outside the room, leaning against the wall for a moment, she released a breath she didn't even realise she was holding. Now she really needed that coffee.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Brief Glances</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Derek frowned as he looked down at his phone. <em>No new messages.</em> He'd just finished rounding on the patients on his floor, and figured it was round about time to get lunch. <em>Maybe I'll see her there, </em>he hoped.</p><p>Upon seeing no one he knew so far, that wasn't a resident, or intern, he took his lunch to go and decided to go and eat in his office. He had paperwork to start on and, unless there were any emergent cases, he would probably spend the rest of his afternoon holed away, so he may as well get a head start.</p><p>A few hours passed, his lunch long gone, he heard his phone go off. The distinct ringer to indicate he was being paged, and it was a <em>911.</em> Leaving the paperwork behind he set off to where he was needed, one of his patients' rooms. "What's going on? Speak to me," he ordered of the resident there, grabbing the digitalised chart.</p><p>"She had another seizure," the resident explained, "I'm just about to take her for her pre-op scans ready for the morning."</p><p>Derek checked his watch. <em>17:45. </em>After examining the patient and checking through the charts, Derek turned to the resident, "When you get back, prep her for surgery, we're going to have to operate on this tumour tonight it seems."</p><p>"Yes, Dr. Shepherd, I'll book an OR and page you when we're ready," the resident confirmed.</p><p>"Thanks, Dr…." he looked over at the resident, remembering her from earlier in the day, "Dr. Edwards." He smiled with gratitude and left the patient's room, leaving Dr Edwards to prep her for surgery.</p><p>Stifling a yawn, he made his way to the coffee cart outside. Coffee and fresh air should help. After his early wake up call, he'd need this to get through this surgery, and then he could head home. Coffee in hand, he made his way to Chief Webber's office, only to find it empty. <em>Hm, that's not like Richard Webber.</em> Derek knew Richard to be the kind of doctor who started when the sun rose but didn't leave until hours after it had gone dark again. He shrugged it off, Richard probably had a surgery, or a patient.</p><p>Having finished his coffee, he was ready to go prep himself for the upcoming surgery. Making his way back to the operating room floor, he stopped in front of the OR board. Checking his patient's chart, he figured his surgery would be ready to start any moment now. Looking up at the board he could see he was scheduled to begin in just fifteen minutes time. He took a moment to look over the rest of the board. <em>Dr. Grey definitely kept herself busy today… </em>He shook off the thought. He had to focus. Handing the tablet back to the nurse he made his way to the scrub room, looking through at the patient who had arrived, just about ready to start.</p><p>After scrubbing in for the appropriate amount of time, Derek made his way into the operating room, gown on and gloves on, "Let's get started then, shall we? <em>It's a beautiful night to save lives</em>…"</p><p>Around the three-hour mark, Derek had a feeling that he was being watched. This would've been normal, there is a gallery above him and residents watching his every move, learning from him. The person he felt watching him, however, wasn't there to learn. They weren't watching his hands work. They were watching <em>him.</em></p><p>His eyes looked up to the gallery and his suspicions were confirmed. There <em>she</em> was. His eyes caught hers and she looked away, busying herself with her phone. A small laugh escaped his lips and he returned to the work at hand.</p><hr/><p>Why was she there? She didn't know. She was supposed to go check on her mother. She was supposed to be getting herself home. But she'd seen his name on the OR board, he was still here. And she was curious. She knew he was good with his hands; she <em>knew</em> that. But knowing now that he's a neurosurgeon? That explains <em>everything.</em> The next thing she knew, she was in the gallery, stood at the glass. There were a couple residents sat there, watching. They knew not to question, and she didn't have to worry about being questioned about her presence there. She watched him work. She didn't know how much time had passed when his eyes looked up, straight into hers. She immediately went into flight mode, looking down at the phone in her hands. She found herself looking at the message he'd sent her earlier in the day.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, you got ready quick – Derek.</em>
</p><p>She sighed softly and she walked out of the gallery. She couldn't just ignore him, could she? No, she couldn't. She typed up a quick reply. Sorry, busy day. How was your first day? She hesitated a moment before pressing send, following up her message by adding his number into her contacts. Moments after putting her phone away she felt it buzz in her pocket. Confused, she checked it. Not Derek. He's still in surgery, obviously. Bailey.</p><p>She put her phone away and made her way to her mother's room, where Bailey and Maggie stood outside waiting for her, "What's the problem?" It had to be something; Maggie's face gave it away if anything.</p><p>"We did a CT, but there's a mass on her liver, we're going to take her now to get a biopsy," Bailey told her, "I need you to sign this form so we can go ahead…" Bailey handed her the clipboard as she took out a pen, signing away, then handed the board back to Bailey with a sigh, "do you want to see her before we take her?"</p><p>Given her mother's agitated state earlier, Meredith shook her head. It was better if she didn't, her mother would probably just cause more problems, "it's okay, do what you need to do." She gave Bailey a week smile, and Bailey placed a hand on Meredith's shoulder, "I'm okay, Bailey, it's fine," Meredith assured the woman.</p><p>Bailey went back inside her mother's room and Meredith leaned against the wall, beside the door, looking at Maggie, who knew not to say anything. Maggie took her sister's arm and gently dragged her in the direction of the cafeteria, "You need to eat, Meredith, you've barely stopped all day."</p><p>Meredith laughed softly as she followed Maggie, feeling slightly comforted at her sister's concern, "I'm too tired to argue with you on that right now."</p><p>They sat opposite one another, eating the lasagne that boasted as today's special. "So," Maggie started, "Dr, Derek Shepherd…" she grinned slyly at her sister, looking to gain some sort of insight into the other side of today's drama.</p><p>Meredith choked a little on her food as soon as his name was mentioned, looking up at her sister and rolling her eyes, "Really, Mags?" Her sister only nodded in response, not willing to let this go. Meredith gave in, realising she couldn't put this off any longer. "We went back to his, drank some more, and I'm sure you don't need specifics on what happened after that…" Maggie laughed a little, "and then it was morning, and I couldn't even remember his name, I don't even remember asking his name. Honestly, I had no idea he was even a doctor, a surgeon at that, and I definitely didn't know he would be starting here today. If I'd known that I wouldn't have even left the bar with him!" She laughed at Maggie's expression, looking almost as if she were proud of her sister, "What?"</p><p>"I've seen him look at you. It may have only been once or twice, but I think you should definitely go there. He'll be good for you. You spend too much time worrying about me, about Mom, about everyone else, except yourself!" Maggie was not going to let this go. Not without Meredith at least trying. She let out a sigh.</p><p>"I never said I wouldn't try, but maybe now isn't the best time. You just went through a break-up, Maggie, and Mom is in the hospital. For all we know, she has liver cancer," Maggie gave her a sad look as she spoke, "maybe when things settle down a bit."</p><p>"Well, Mer, you'd probably be best telling him that," her eyes looked pointedly towards Meredith's phone on the table as it buzzed and lit up, Derek's name showing, "Speak of the Devil…" Maggie laughed as her sister picked up her phone.</p><p>"I will, I will, I'll sort it, Maggie, don't I always?" They laughed together and Meredith put her phone away, not willing to open the message with her sister sat right there. Now it was Maggie's turn for her phone to go off.</p><p>"Results are back, let's go."</p><hr/><p>He turned a corner. There she stood. Laughing, joking with the paediatric guy... Karev. That's it. He kept his distance, distracting himself with the tablet he was holding. <em>Post-op scans look good…</em> He just had a few notes to leave and then he could head home. This had definitely been a good first day and he was glad he was able to get back in the OR. Two weeks was definitely too long for him to go without operating.</p><p>He needed to get her alone. He checked his phone again. She hadn't responded to his reply yet. That yes, he'd had a surprising first day. Emphasis on surprise. Looking up again, the hallway was cleared, he hadn't noticed them leaving. He put the tablet in the charging dock at the nurses' station and made his way to his patient's room for one final check before he headed home.</p><p>After leaving post-op care instructions with Dr Edwards, he headed back to his office, to change out of his scrubs and grab his things. Headed for the elevator, he caught it just before the doors were due to close, and rushed in, not noticing at first whom he was sharing the elevator with.</p><p>The scent of lavender hit him first and then he actually looked up. There she was. He'd finally got her alone, completely by accident. He grinned at her, "Hi, <em>Doctor</em> Grey."</p><p>She laughed a little and rolled her eyes, "Hi, <em>Doctor</em> Shepherd," hoping her eyes didn't betray the slight panic she felt inside. She did not expect this to be happening right now. She'd read his message earlier after leaving the cafeteria with Maggie but hadn't had the chance to reply.</p><p>"So, you work here?" He questioned, "It's nice here, very welcoming," he laughed a little, still grinning at her.</p><p>She shrugged, "I'm glad you think so," her eyes shifted to look at the floor indicator, almost where she needed to be. Out the elevator, to her car, and back in her own bed.</p><p>"Can we talk?" He asked. He wanted to know more about her, no, he <em>needed </em>to know more about her.</p><p>The elevator reached the ground floor and she rested her hand on his shoulder for a moment, "not today," she shook her head slightly. <em>T</em><em>oo soon</em>, she thought, and the doors to the elevator opened. Her escape. "See you tomorrow, Dr. Shepherd."</p><p>He shook his head with a small laugh, attempting to ignore the electricity rushing through him as she touched his shoulder, "Good night, Dr Grey," he said after her, watching as she walked away. She really was an enigma. Almost a moment too late, he realised he needed to get off the elevator as well. He stepped out as she disappeared into the parking lot, and he followed to make his way to his own car.</p><p>There was always tomorrow.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Breathe</h2></a>
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        <em>Breathe.</em>
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      <p>Feeling groggy as she woke, Meredith's eyes looking over to her glaring alarm clock, simultaneously turning off the loud, irritating noise. <em>06:00</em>. With a groan, she climbed out of bed, thankful to have been in her own bed last night. Alone. It made waking up a lot easier, she noticed. Going through a mental checklist of what needed to be done that day, she dragged herself into the shower. Of course, her to do lists never went to plan, but she could always try. <em>Shower, get to work, coffee, mother</em>. She'd figure out the rest later on.</p>
      <p>She pulled into her usual spot in the staff car park and grabbed a hair tie from the centre console of her car, using it to tie her loose hair back into a ponytail, out of the way. Turning the engine off, she grabbed her keys and phone and made her way indoors and to the attending lounge. <em>Coffee, finally.</em></p>
      <p>There was a feeling in the air. She couldn't quite describe the feeling, but she knew what her next step would be. Scrubs. She had some time before she needed to be at morning rounds and headed to go change into her scrubs, coffee in hand.</p>
      <p>On her way down to her mother's room, she felt the slight buzz of her phone in her pocket and she couldn't help the anticipation she felt. Pulling her phone from her pocket, she bit her lip, leaning against the railing of the walkway as she read the message. <em>You don't really look like a morning person. </em>She released a soft laugh as she looked up, he must've seen her right? Not instantly seeing him, his piercing blue eyes, she looked back to her phone to compose a reply. <em>Perks of the job!</em></p>
      <p>A soft laugh came from beside her, causing her to almost jump out of her skin. She peeked a look to the person stood beside her and slid her phone back into her pocket, "Good morning, Dr. Grey."</p>
      <p>Is it a good morning? She had yet to see, "Good morning, Dr. Shepherd," she turned to look at him properly now. He was definitely a morning person. His hand reached to rest on her shoulder, but she met his hand mid-air to stop him. Resulting in her hand wrapped around his for just a moment, before she'd even registered what she'd done, his hand was dropped, "I have to be somewhere, talk later?" If only to postpone the inevitable a moment longer, but she did have somewhere she needed to be.</p>
      <p>"So, there will be talking?" He questioned, unable to keep that grin off his face, "here I thought you were going to avoid me for the rest of our professional careers," he teased, getting a small laugh from Meredith, "but maybe we could get lunch?" He fell into step with her as she began walking in the direction of her mother's room, not that he knew that's where she was going.</p>
      <p>She laughed softly and smiled toward him, "Maybe. Maybe we can get lunch, I have quite the unpredictable schedule, you know."</p>
      <p>"Oh, don't worry, I'm quite familiar with the term <em>unpredictable</em>. I'm sure we'll figure something out," he sounded hopeful.</p>
      <p>She shook her head, still smiling, and was going to respond had Bailey not almost ran straight into her, "Bailey? What's up?"</p>
      <p>"Oh, Meredith! Dr. Grey, she's lucid!" With reference to Meredith's mother, Dr. Ellis Grey, Derek was unaware the gravity of what Meredith had just been told and stayed silent, assuming the conversation to be about one of her patients.</p>
      <p>"Are you sure?" Meredith was shocked. It had been… years since her mother's last lucid episode. She looked to Derek a moment, "I really have to go, I'll catch up with you later?" Now was not the time to explain her familial problems to him. She was pretty sure everyone was aware of the presence of Ellis Grey by now and her <em>situation</em>. Nothing escaped the gossip train at Seattle Grace.</p>
      <p>"Go, go. I have to go, anyway…" his voice trailed off as she rushed off ahead alongside Bailey. He shook his head with a small laugh and headed off in the direction of the neurological wing. The opposite side of the hospital. Not that he would've told her that.</p>
      <p>Meredith arrived at her mother's room, Maggie stood outside the door, waiting for her. Maggie hadn't had the chance to meet their mother, not properly. Not while their mother was lucid. Her sister looked to her, worried, "I shouldn't... you should go in…"</p>
      <p>She nodded, momentarily unable to speak as thoughts raced through her mind. She took a breath, trying to clear her mind before she went in. She had to do this. She had to be brave. The last time her mother was lucid, back in her intern year, her mother didn't exactly have the nicest things to say to her. <em>Imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover that you're no more than ordinary.</em> Meredith was lucky, in a way, these words helped her push herself. Push herself to be extraordinary.</p>
      <p>Bailey looked to her, offering up a small explanation, "she woke while we were doing morning rounds," her head tilted slightly in the direction of the coupe of the interns who were stood to one side, "she was asking for you, wouldn't let us do anything until you got here," Meredith nodded in understanding and Bailey moved on, to give her some privacy, taking the group of bewildered interns with her.</p>
      <p>Another deep breath taken; Meredith walked into the room. Her mother, the only occupant, sat up in the bed, and she sat in the chair beside her, "Hey, Mom."</p>
      <p>"Meredith! There you are, where have you been? You, you've grown up again… how long has it been?" Meredith watched as her mother's face came to one of realisation. The Alzheimer's. It had happened again, she 'checked out'. Again.</p>
      <p>"Six years, Mom. It's been six years this time," Meredith took her mother's hand, in an attempt to try and calm her. She sighed softly, the last time they'd been here, her mother had heart surgery. They hadn't even expected her to last this long. But she had, six years in Roseridge, and here they were again.</p>
      <p>Quiet fell between a moment, her mother was thinking. Watching her daughter and thinking. What had she missed? She'd missed so much. Ellis sighed, "Why am I here?"</p>
      <p>"Oh," Meredith reached to the abandoned tablet, pulling up her mother's chart, "suspected diverticulitis, they did a CT yesterday and confirmed the diagnosis," she looked up to her mother, taking a breath before telling her more, "they found a mass, on your liver."</p>
      <p>Her mother took a sharp breath, she knew what this meant. Possibly cancer. "Was it malignant?" She questioned, her daughter.</p>
      <p>"They did an incisional biopsy last night, it's benign, they'll remove it when they take you in for the colonoscopy," she told her mother. She didn't need to explain the reason for surgery over antibiotics for the diverticulitis to her mother. Alzheimer's patients are less likely to take medication, and if they didn't resolve it surgically, it was more likely to reoccur.</p>
      <p>"There's something you're not telling me, Meredith."</p>
      <p>Of course, her mother could tell when her daughter was hiding something from her. She should've known by know that wasn't possible. She couldn't hide anything from Ellis Grey. She looked to her mother. It was now or never. "Mom, when I was five, when we moved to Boston, when you left Dad… She found me, Mom. Your daughter, my sister. She found me. She's here." Meredith's gaze looked toward the door. She couldn't see Maggie through the small window there and the blinds were closed on the window. She didn't know if she was even still stood there. She assumed not. She looked back to her mother, "and Richard knows."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Derek had just come out of his second surgery of the day, ready for a quick break before his next. He looked up at the OR board, quizzically. He'd checked it just a couple hours earlier. All Meredith's surgeries had been cancelled? His eyes quickly scanned the board for her name. That's when he saw it. <em>Grey, E.</em> Under patients. It took a moment for the pieces to fall into place. Surgeon – Bailey, M. Was E... Ellis? Ellis Grey? His eyes grew wide, involuntarily. How had he not made that connection before? Of course, her mother was Ellis Grey. It was well known in the medical community she had a daughter, <em>Meredith Grey.</em> It was also well known that Ellis Grey suffered from Alzheimer's. He swore his mind didn't usually work this slow. <em>Why did it take so long for me to realise this? </em>Lucid. Bailey had said it, right in front of him. Dr. Grey was lucid. Dr. <em>Ellis</em> Grey, she's lucid.</p>
      <p>Now he just felt like an idiot.</p>
      <p>His eyes caught the time on the clock above the OR board. <em>13:50.</em> Only ten minutes until he was next scheduled in the OR. He couldn't push this. For now, he'd do what he came her to do, operate. Later, later he'd find her. If only to check she was okay.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Meredith spent a good hour speaking with her mother, filling her in on things she had missed. Talking about Maggie, about Richard. That no, she hadn't found anyone besides surgery. Although, the look in Meredith's eye told a slightly different story, Ellis chose not to press it. She did remember what happened last time she'd spoken with her daughter. Ellis took her daughter's hands in her own and squeezed gently, "You need to go, go and do what I raised you to do," Meredith couldn't help rolling her eyes at the last statement, "I'm sure you have other patients to check on. I'll be here."</p>
      <p>Meredith smiled at her mother and nodded, "I do, I won't be long though. And please let Dr. Bailey examine you. You're scheduled for surgery this evening and she needs to let the interns prep you," Meredith pulled her hands from her mother's hold and stood up, heading towards the door, she turned her head back with a smile, "I'll see you soon, Mom."</p>
      <p>"Meredith, bring her with you, would you? Maggie, I want to meet her, bring her when you come back."</p>
      <p>This took her by slight surprise, but she nodded, "I will, Mom. I will." And with that she left the room and went to catch up with Bailey to let her know she could go back in and get her mother prepped for surgery.</p>
      <p>She needed to find Maggie.</p>
      <p>
        <em>Just Breathe.</em>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. For the First Time</h2></a>
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  <em>Someone help us, 'cause we're doing our best.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Final surgery complete. <em>17:04, </em>his watch told him. Her mother's surgery didn't start until seven. With a sigh, he took off towards the cafeteria. He tried to hide his surprise as she saw her sat at a table, on her own, no food in front of her. His tray full, he approached her, quietly. He didn't miss the slight jump as he spoke, "Meredith? Can I sit?"</p><p>She looked up at him, her eyes slightly wider, "Yeah, yeah go ahead," she motioned to the chair opposite her and he sat, placing his tray on the table between them. He watched her as her gaze drifted to the window beside them. Thinking. She was thinking. And he let her be, making a start on the fries in front of him.</p><p>"Look," she started, turning back to look at him as she spoke, "I don't know what this is. I don't know if this will be more than it already is but, I'm interested. I wanted you to know, I'm interested. If you are, obviously, which I think you are. But not now, not right now, I have, I have things I have to do, things that I didn't think would happen again, are happening and I need time, okay?" She looked right at him now, their eyes locked as she spoke. His hand reached to hers, and held it across the table, a soft look in his gaze.</p><p>"It's okay, Meredith," he squeezed her hand gently and smiled at her, glad she hadn't yet removed her hand from his grasp, "We don't need to rush into anything right this second, I can give you time. I am interested, I'm really interested. But I'm not going to push you. I can't imagine what you're going through right now," at this her hand released from his and she sat up a little in her chair, he pushed his plate of fries closer to her, "here, please, eat something. I have a feeling you haven't eaten anything beyond the coffee I saw you having this morning, so eat something, please."</p><p>She gave him a small, grateful smile, "Thank you, Derek, Dr. Shepherd," she corrected herself, taking a few of the fries and eating slowly. He smiled back at her and opened the water bottle in front of him, taking a quick swig.</p><p>They sat there, in quiet, maybe for around half an hour. She ate half of the fries on his plate, blissfully unaware of her co-workers, sat across the room, their eyes curiously watching the two attendings as they sat in silence, stealing glances from one another.</p><p>Her attention was back on her phone as it buzzed, a page, Maggie was paging her. "I have to go, I'll see you…?" she asked, as she stood from her seat, putting her white coat back on and her phone into the pocket.</p><p>Trying to hide the disappointment in his voice, although he didn't expect their moment to last too much longer, he stood up as well, gathering his tray and dinner things, "it's okay, I'll find you around, I'm sure. I'll message you," he grinned softly, feeling like a bumbling teenager, earning a smile back from her.</p><p>"See you later, Dr. Shepherd," she said, the smile still on her face as she turned to walk out the cafeteria.</p><p>"Goodbye, Dr. Grey."</p><p>She met Maggie just down the hall from their mother's room, "Ready, Mags?"</p><p>Maggie released a nervous laugh, "It's now or never, right?" Meredith arms wrapped around her, in attempt to comfort her.</p><p>"It'll be okay, Maggie, let's go," she smiled and released her sister, walking with her to Ellis' room. Meredith knocked on the door lightly before going in the room, Maggie close beside her, "Mom, this is Margaret Pierce. Maggie," she introduces Maggie as her sister steps toward Ellis, who sat up a bit more in the bed.</p><p>"Margaret… Maggie," Ellis started, "I don't even know what to say, I didn't ever think I'd be able to see you again," she shook her head slightly in disbelief, her hand reaching for Maggie's.</p><p>Maggie took her birth mother's hand and squeezed it gently, "I didn't either."</p><p>"I just, I need to know. Did you have a good life?" Ellis asked inquisitively, her attention completely on Maggie.</p><p>"I did," she nodded with a grin, "my mother, my father, they loved me, they really took care of me. I was really lucky."</p><p>At that, Meredith figured it would be best to leave them for a moment, "I'll be back soon before your surgery, Mom," she let her know, getting a nod from her mother. Meredith backed out of the room closing the door behind her. Upon exiting the room, she met Richard Webber's curious gaze. Meredith smiled toward him, walking up to him to limit the listening ears, "It's okay, they're doing okay." Meredith followed his gaze to the window of Ellis' room, where they could see Maggie and Ellis speaking.</p><p>"Good, good," Richard nodded his head, "Best to leave them to it," he offered a smile to Meredith as she walked down the hall, needing a break.</p><p>Her breaths came a little too heavy and she slipped into the nearby on-call room. Locking the door behind her, and with her back against the door, she slid into a sitting position and closed her eyes, unaware of the eyes that followed her as she hid away in the room.</p><hr/><p>Shortly after Meredith had left him in the cafeteria, he got a 911 page down to the ER. After assessing the patient, and speaking with Kepner, they determined an emergent operation was necessary. He left the patient with Kepner and headed back up to the OR floor to prep for his surgery. He passed Ellis' room on his way, in an attempt to see her again. And he did. And it broke his heart, more so that there was nothing he could do right now. The look on her face when she slid into the on-call room. He would've checked on her, he would've – if it weren't for the patient awaiting him in OR 4.</p><p>He was still operating when the clock passed seven, and then eight. Despite his frustration, he didn't let it show, and worked on the patient in front of him. When it was time to close, he passed the job over to his resident, Dr. Edwards, watching from the scrub room as he scrubbed out, ensuring the patient was stable before he headed off, wanting to see Meredith. He had to make sure she was okay – or at least see if he could help in any way, of course she wasn't going to be okay.</p><p>On his way, he peaked into the gallery for Ellis' OR, confirming her surgery was going to plan. Thankfully, they were right on schedule. Not bothering to change out of his scrubs, the first place he checked was Ellis' room – that was empty. Family waiting area? Not there. He sighed and dragged his hand over his face. He had no idea where else she would be, he didn't know her hiding places, yet. On his way back to his office to pack up for the day, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and composed a text to her. <em>Let me know how it goes. I can be there if you need me.</em> Not expecting an immediate reply, he hit send and put the phone in his bag and changed, ready to set off home.</p><p>Some point between sending the message and reaching his car she had, to his surprise, messaged him back.</p><p>
  <em>It's over, it went well. Thank you.</em>
</p><p>He grinned, read the message and was about to reply, to say he was glad it had gone well, when another message came through. He was glad he hadn't started driving home.</p><p>
  <em>Drinks?</em>
</p><hr/><p>The surgery had been successful, her mother was in recovery. She'd remain in the hospital for the next few days before heading back to the nursing home. Her mother had woken up from the anaesthesia around ten minutes before, and she was gone again. The <em>gift</em>, as she'd once been told it was, was once again gone. She needed a drink. As though someone was reading her mind, her phone went off in her pocket.</p><p>
  <em>Let me know how it goes. I can be there if you need me.</em>
</p><p>She grinned to herself, glad to be having a moment alone in her office. She didn't need other people to see the effect he had on her. She sent a quick reply back to assure him everything had gone well and hit send. She put her phone down a moment while she nipped into her adjoining toilet area and changed into the jeans and blouse she'd come into work wearing that morning. Picking her phone back up, she could see the small ellipses signalling that Derek was typing a message back. Before he could, she sent a quick, one worded message, <em>Drinks?</em></p><p>He stopped typing. A minute passed and nothing. <em>Stupid, stupid, </em>she thought. She'd told him she needed time and now was wanting drinks with him. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who wants to be messed around.</p><p>When her phone pinged, she released a breath she didn't even realise she was holding. A little too quickly, maybe, she opened the message.</p><p>
  <em>Meet me out front.</em>
</p><p>She felt the grin spread across her face and stood there for a moment, composing herself. She was more than excited to see him, but she didn't want him or anyone else to know that. She checked her reflection in the window of her office door and had just stepped out when her phone started ringing, <em>Maggie.</em></p><p>She answered, knowing she wouldn't get away with ignoring her call, "Hey, Maggie, you okay?" she spoke as she made her way to the front of the hospital to meet Derek.</p><p>"Did you have plans for tonight?" her sister asked, and Meredith internally debated whether or not to tell her. Then again, Maggie knew when she wasn't being completely truthful.</p><p>"I'm going for a drink…" she paused a moment, checking no one was paying attention to her before she continued, "with Derek."</p><p>"Oh, that's great, Mer!" Her sister sounded genuinely happy for her, but Meredith did not miss the slight disappointment in her sister's voice.</p><p>"Maggie, if you wanna do something, or if you wanna join us…" she started, but Maggie interrupted her.</p><p>"No, don't worry about me Mer, I'll be okay," Maggie assured her, "I'll go over to Jackson's tonight," Meredith rolled her eyes at the obvious suggestion in her voice, <em>take Derek home,</em> "he's been asking all week for me to come over for dinner anyway, honestly it's fine. Enjoy yourself!" she laughed softly.</p><p>"Okay, but if you need me, call me, okay? I know it's been a hard day, just, call me if you need me?" she told her sister, not about to take no for an answer.</p><p>Meredith looked up ahead of her, seeing Derek waiting by the front of the hospital for her and smiled toward him as Maggie spoke in her ear, "I will, I promise, now go have fun! And be safe!" she laughed at her sister's comment and shook her head. Before she could respond, Maggie had dropped the call, so she put her phone away as she reached where Derek was stood.</p><p>"Hi," he smiled at her, his hands in his pockets. He wasn't shy, was he? Nervous, maybe.</p><p>Her hands retreated to her own coat pockets as a chill swept through the air, "Hey, shall we go?" He nodded in response and side by side, they walked over to the bar across the street, neither one brave enough to speak to the other, not yet.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>We just now got the feeling that we're meeting, for the first time.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Safe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>All it could take, is a look my way.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>As they entered the bar, Meredith took of her coat, which Derek then took from her and hung up by the door with his own. "Thanks," she smiled as they headed over to the bar.</p>
<p>"What are you drinking then?" He grinned at her as they sat on stools at the bar beside each other.</p>
<p>"Tequila for me," she sighed with a small smile.</p>
<p>"Then tequila for you it is," he turned to the bartender, "Tequila, and double scotch, single malt," Meredith laughed softly, remembering his order from when they first met. As soon as Meredith's drink was in front of her, she picked it up and drank it straight.</p>
<p>"Might need a few of those…" she said with a soft laugh and the bartender nodded, fetching her another, which was gone just as quick as the last. She needed the liquid confidence.</p>
<p>"If that's the case, we'll take a basket of fries as well," Derek added, cautious in case she hadn't had another chance to eat that day, which he doubted.</p>
<p>She raised an eyebrow at him as he took a sip of his own drink, "hungry?" she questioned.</p>
<p>"I thought you might be," he said with a small shrug. He shuffled his stool closer to her, "So, I want to know more about you, Meredith," her name rolled off his tongue with ease, a short flashback to the previous night they had spent together played in her mind.</p>
<p>She bit down on her lower lip, trying to push the images from her mind as she spoke, "I feel like you know more about me than I do about you at this point, Derek," her eyes were fixed on his at this point, his eyes searching hers for any sort of clue.</p>
<p>A loud rush of noise entering the bar distracted the pair and they pulled back from each other slightly, previously not realising how they had moved toward one another. Meredith was suddenly aware of the interns and residents who had just entered the bar. This place was a popular hang out for the doctors, after all. Noticing a slight look of panic written across her features, he took her hand in his. "Let's move somewhere quieter," he murmured, he dropped his hand from hers to pick up his drink and the basket of fries that had just arrived.</p>
<p>She nodded slightly, ordering herself another drink, just a single vodka lemonade, to be brought to the table they were headed towards in the far corner of the room. They both took a seat at the small, secluded table, glad to be out of the earshot and eyesight of their subordinates, "You know enough about my <em>family</em>. Tell me about yours," she asked, genuinely curious to know more about him. She gave a quick nod to the bartender who had passed her drink and a fresh drink for Derek, before resting her eyes back on his, awaiting his response.</p>
<p>He took her hand again, his eyes moving to look between her eyes and the thin, red straw between her lips, "Well, I have four sisters. Three in New York, Kathleen, Nancy and Liz, they all have many children, and one in LA, Amelia, no kids," a sadness flickered in his eyes as he mentioned Amelia, but she didn't press, "My mom also lives in New York, which reminds me, I <em>really</em> owe her a phone call," he laughed softly, and she joined in with his quiet laughter. They continued like that, sat close to each other, neither releasing the other's hand as they shared bits of their lives with each other. Stories from college and med school, places they'd been, things they'd seen.</p>
<p>Over the course of the night, both had become rather tipsy and the fries they shared between them were long gone. After a short moment of silence, Meredith spoke softly, her eyes focused on their hands joined together still on the table, "So, I'm actually on a day off tomorrow, I just need to go in to visit my mother, check a few things…" her eyes looked up to meet his, "and I'd like, if it's okay with you, to continue this conversation elsewhere?"</p>
<p>"That's very okay with me," he said with a small grin, which he covered by bringing her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly, causing butterflies to invade Meredith's stomach, "I don't have anything scheduled in work till the afternoon, and then I'm on call all night, so I'm in no rush right now, any particular preference on where we go?"</p>
<p>"Maybe we could go back to your place? Only, Maggie said she would be out of the house tonight, but best not to risk it just in case," Meredith replied with a small shrug, unable to take the smile off her face as he continued to leave soft kisses on each of her knuckles.</p>
<p>"Sounds good to me," a look she couldn't quite place crossed his features for a moment, but was gone quickly as he stood up, keeping hold of her hand as they walked towards the door, "I think a taxi is best?" He suggested, helping her get her coat back on. She nodded in agreement as they walked outside and grabbed a waiting taxi.</p>
<p>A short taxi ride later, stolen glances between them the whole time, and her fingers locked with his, they arrive at Derek's apartment building. The place she hurried to escape from not two mornings ago. His arm slid around her back as he led her inside and up the elevator to his floor, high up in the apartment block. Both very aware of the sexual tension between them. Derek opened the door for them, and Meredith slid her shoes off as Derek helped her with her coat. She walked further in, taking in her surroundings, "you have a nice place, I mean, I know I've seen it before, but I think I can appreciate it more now," she said with a soft laugh.</p>
<p>"Take a seat on the couch, I'll be right over," he motioned toward the couch as he walked over to his kitchen area, locating a bottle of red wine and two wine glasses before going to sit beside her. He set the glasses down and poured half a glass for both of them, before passing a glass to her, which she took with a thanks, holding it with both hands.</p>
<p>She studied his quite demeanour a moment, taking a sip from the wine glass he had just given her. Tilting her head to the side, she started, "I feel like you want to tell me something."</p>
<p>He laughed softly and sat back a little on the couch, trying to relax as he prepared himself, "Is it that obvious?" She gave a small nod, sliding her hand to his thigh and giving a gentle squeeze of reassurance, his arm slid round the back of the couch behind her.</p>
<p>"It's okay, take your time," she bit her lip gently. Was she so sure she wanted to hear what he was about to say? She had a feeling, given how he was acting, she might not like what he has to say.</p>
<p>"I used to live in New York," she nodded along, he had previously mentioned this, "I worked for a private practice, making a name for myself. I <em>had</em> a wife," he watched as she processed this first bit of information, raising a finger gently against her lips as she opened her mouth to respond, he looked at her with pleading eyes, "Please, let me finish?" He could see her thinking for a moment before she nodded, taking a sip of her wine, and he followed suit, taking a sip of his own before continuing, "I mean, long story short, she cheated on me, and I caught her. With my best friend, he was like a brother to me," a flicker of anger flashed across his face but he caught himself, remembering who he was speaking to, "And I wanted you to know, before we go any further. I wanted you to know that I'm separated from her, I've already filed for a divorce, I'm just waiting on my attorney to write up the papers for her to sign," he let out a short breath as he finished, carefully watching her reaction.</p>
<p>He watched as she placed her wine glass on the coffee table in front of them, and she stood up. <em>Crap, I've blown it, </em>he thought, keeping his eyes on her as she paced a little, deep in thought. And he waited for her to say something.</p>
<p>All of a sudden, she stopped pacing. He put his glass down beside hers as he stood up. She turned to look at him, "Okay."</p>
<p>He moved towards her cautiously, not yet sure what exactly what she met, his hand reached toward her, "Okay…?"</p>
<p>She took his hand in hers and grinned softly, "Okay," she nodded and continued, "Thank you for telling me, I mean, I debated for a moment there, running, I run, I'm a runner, but I also thought, why not? You're being open and honest with me, and you deserve the benefit of the doubt, and I mean, when I said earlier today that I'm interested, I really, really meant that," she laughed softly as he gently pulled her against him, "I'm sorry, I'm rambling a little, you're just, I just," before she could even begin to order the words in her mind his lips were pressed against hers and all her nerves fell away. This felt right.</p>
<p>As their kiss deepened, her fingers curled into his hair and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Moments later, her legs were wrapped around his waist as he lifted her with ease and sat her on the back of the sofa. His lips kissed along her jawline, travelling down her neck, eliciting the soft moans he'd been dying to hear from her all night, one hand holding her against him and the other unbuttoning her blouse. He felt her dainty fingers unbuttoning his own shirt, and he shrugged it off his shoulders, as she did the same with her blouse. He held her close as their foreheads pressed together gently, both of them catching their breath.</p>
<p>"You're sure?" His eyes pierced her own, both of them breathing heavily.</p>
<p>"I'm sure."</p>
<hr/>
<p>She woke, not quite ready to move, with a light pain throbbing in her temple. <em>Always with the red wine,</em> she thought with a soft groan. The arms around her, keeping her in a close hold, moved slightly at the slight noise. Her eyes opened slightly, looking out the window to the sun rising, <em>too early.</em> She turned in the hold to face him, seeing his eyes open slightly, "Morning."</p>
<p>"Good morning," he murmured softly, pressing his lips softly against her forehead before lowering them to her own lips, "feeling okay?"</p>
<p>"Sore, a little sore," she laughed quietly, pressing her lips back against his before he could pull away. His hold on her tightened slightly, before he pushed her on her back, hovering above her but keeping their lips interlocked.</p>
<p>"Let me help you with that, then," he chuckled softly, earning another soft giggle from her lips.</p>
<p>"Please do."</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Honey, don't you see? There's no more need for hide and seek.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>Safe - Regina Price.</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Swans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I wanted to tell you I'd changed</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>All perfect nights must eventually come to an end. For Meredith, this end came too soon. She rolled over in the now empty bed with a soft groan. Sitting up in the bed, she realised she was now alone in the small apartment. Strange. She grabbed her phone off the table next to her, only now noticing a post-it stuck to her phone case. <em>Got called in early, see you later. – Derek. </em>Well, that explained that, she guessed.</p>
<p>Looking back at her phone, she had a couple missed calls and two messages from Maggie. Scanning them quickly, none were urgent enough for her to move any faster out of the bed. She lay back against the pillows a moment, closing her eyes as she thought back on the previous night.</p>
<p>Her phone buzzed in her hand, startling her from the daydream. Maggie again. <em>Please confirm you're still alive? </em>Meredith laughed softly at her sister's slight overreaction. She replied to her sister, calming her fears. <em>I'm alive, just woke up. Will be at the hospital soon. </em>Looking over at the clock at the side of the bed, Meredith suddenly realised. It's <em>midday. </em>She might not be a morning person, but even sleeping till midday was too late for her.</p>
<p>And she wasn't even in her own bed. Again.</p>
<p>With a sigh, she climbed out of the bed and scanned the area around her. On the couch, she saw he'd gathered her clothes into a nest pile for her from the night before. Next to the pile sat a towel, presumably left for her by Derek. She grabbed the towel and made her way to the bathroom, stripping herself of his college T-shirt, and stepped into the warm shower.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He hated that he had to leave her like that. That's not how he expected their morning to go. But when the Chief of Surgery calls you in to the hospital, you go to the hospital. He places down his surgical instruments, ready to close, when he looked up in the gallery to find her watching him, making him smile behind his mask.</p>
<p>"Edwards, you good to close?" he asked her, he didn't need to stay with Kepner still operating. Edwards nodded and he let her take over as he went to go scrub out. Just as he finished drying his hands, she appeared beside him.</p>
<p>"I almost specialised in Neuro," she mused, stood next to him, her attention turned from the operating room to him, "I brought the key you left, I'm just about to go check in on Ellis."</p>
<p>His hand moved to her lower back as the left the scrub room, "that's okay, I'll get it from you later, go be with your Mom," he smiled down at her as they approached the elevator, "I have a few more patients to check on."</p>
<p>They stayed in a comfortable silence as they waited for the elevator and then stepped on, stood close beside one another. His arm snaked around her waist as the door closed in front of them and she leaned into his side, resting her head on his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Seattle has ferry boats," he said, almost a question in his voice.</p>
<p>"Yes," he looked up toward him with a raised eyebrow.</p>
<p>"I didn't know that. I've been living here for about two weeks; I didn't know there were ferry boats."</p>
<p>"Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides," she laughed softly.</p>
<p>"Hence the ferry boats, now I have to like it here, wasn't planning on liking it here. I'm from New York, I'm genetically engineered to dislike everywhere except Manhattan. I have a thing for ferry boats," he laughed with her as she looked up at him. His arm dropped as the elevator stopped and the doors opened to the surgical recovery floor where she would find her mother, "see you later." She nodded and stepped out the elevator, giving him one last look as the doors closed again.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Walking down the hallway towards Ellis' room, she crossed her arms over her midsection. Spotting Bailey up ahead at the nurses' station, she approached her with a small smile, "How's she doing?"</p>
<p>"Recovering well, I think she's up right now if you wanna go in," Bailey looked at her, eyebrow furrowed slightly, "she should be able to go back to the nursing home tomorrow," she rested a hand on her shoulder with a gentle squeeze.</p>
<p>"Okay, I'm okay, Bailey, thank you," she smiled at her former teacher, letting her arms drop and she took a deep breath. She walked into the room, "Hey, Mom," she smiled softly, not even sure the woman recognised her.</p>
<p>Spending time with Ellis was getting harder, and harder. She spent about twenty minutes with her, before excusing herself, not that her mother seemed to mind. She headed down the hallway and for the first time in a long time, she didn't want to be there right now. She went to her office to grab her bag and keys, ready to get herself home. As she walked past Derek's office, she paused for a moment, remembering his key that she had. Looking through the small window in the door, she saw him sat at his desk. His head jerked up as she knocked gently on the glass, grinning as he saw her, and waved her in.</p>
<p>She smiled slightly as she opened the door and walked in the room, closing the door behind her, "Hey, I was about to head out, I've still got your key, thought you might want to get back in your place after work," she laughed softly, holding the key up.</p>
<p>He laughed softly and stood up from his desk, walking towards her. She met him halfway, holding the key out to him in her palm. He took her hand, closing it around the key, "Keep it. It's a spare, really."</p>
<p>She paused a moment in hesitation, thinking, her eyes on his hand holding hers, "I mean, if you're sure, I can hold on to it."</p>
<p>"Yes, I'm sure," he assured her, leaning to give her a gentle kiss on the cheek, "Everything okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I just need to get home, things to do, errands to run, you know," she laughed softly, pulling her hand back from him and putting the key back in her pocket, "You have got to stop looking at me like that."</p>
<p>"Like what?" he laughed softly.</p>
<p>"Like you've seen me naked," she gave him a pointed look.</p>
<p>"Can I call you later?" he asked as she headed back toward the door.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'd like that," she smiled softly toward him before leaving his office.</p>
<hr/>
<p>No more than an hour later she made it back to the house she shared with Maggie, her childhood home. She heard Maggie before she saw her, coming from the kitchen, "Mer, is that you?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," she responded, closing the door behind her and heading into the kitchen, following the smell of lasagne, "What are you up to?" She grinned at her sister; she knew exactly what she was doing. Lasagne was their comfort food.</p>
<p>Maggie laughed as she took the lasagne out of the oven, "it feels like a lasagne kind of day!" She sat the lasagne on the table and grabbed two glasses from the cupboard.</p>
<p>Meredith sat at the table, watching her sister, "Is this the part where you want me to talk about feelings? Because we can talk about your feelings if you need to."</p>
<p>Maggie laughed and filled the glasses with orange juice, grabbing two forks as she went to sit opposite her sister, "I just wanted to spend some time with you, Mer, seeing Ellis, talking to her was just so surreal. I didn't think I'd get that."</p>
<p>Meredith picked up a fork and took a small portion of the lasagne, blowing on it gently before putting it in her mouth, "Are you okay?"</p>
<p>Maggie took a bite herself and nodded, "Yeah, I think. I just didn't think it would ever happen; you know?"</p>
<p>She responded with a nod, taking a couple more bites of lasagne as she thought, "it's just so random, I remember the first time it happened, during my intern year. It didn't go all that well, I guess. This time was different, though. I mean, we actually had a conversation about me. I guess it helps that I'm not dating a vet this time round," Meredith laughed wistfully at the memory.</p>
<p>Maggie almost choked on her lasagne, "You dated a vet?! Like, a veterinarian?"</p>
<p>Meredith looked up, just realising what she'd said, "I mean, yeah, I'm surprised Karev never said anything before now. Cristina used to call him McVet," she laughed softly.</p>
<p>"I didn't even think you dated during your residency," Maggie raised her eyebrows at her sister, "Speaking of dating…"</p>
<p>"I was waiting for you to bring this up," she laughed at Maggie's suggestion, "Yes, I might be dating Dr. Shepherd, I say might because we haven't properly talked about it. Last night may have been more about de-stressing… but he was honest with me."</p>
<p>"Honest about what?" Maggie questioned.</p>
<p><em>Crap</em>, she may have said too much. But it is Maggie, and he never said it was a secret, "He's technically married…"</p>
<p>"Meredith!"</p>
<p>"No, Maggie, I mean, he's separated, they're separated, he cheated on her, with his <em>best friend," </em>Meredith took a final bite of lasagne before putting her fork down, "Let's maybe not tell anymore people about this," she said with a laugh.</p>
<p>"That's, wow, yeah, okay," Maggie nodded, putting her fork down, "So, when are you seeing him again, I mean, other than work?"</p>
<p>Meredith laughed softly, finishing off the juice in front of her, "I don't know, he said he might call later on," as she said this, she picked her phone up off the table, quickly checking it.</p>
<p>Maggie laughed at her sister's actions, "You've got it, <em>bad</em>."</p>
<p>"I do not," Meredith knew she wasn't fooling anyone, especially Maggie, "Okay, maybe a little bit," she covered her face with her hand and sighed, leaning back in her chair, "Crap, I've got it bad. I don't know how to do this! McVet was the last serious relationship I was ever in. God, I'm going to screw this up."</p>
<p>"Hey, no you're not, just be honest with him like he'd been with you, and I'm sure this will all work itself out, okay?" Her sister stood and picked up the half-empty lasagne dish, taking it over to the kitchen counter, "Maybe he's the one," she commented, covering the lasagne dish.</p>
<p>Meredith stood and started to make her way to the laundry room, "Maybe."</p>
<hr/>
<p><em>03:00. </em>Derek stared at the clock. This was a slow night. A quiet night. These kinds of nights were rare. He'd called Meredith around 10pm, but it was clear she was about ready to drop off to sleep, so he stayed on the phone with her as she fell asleep. He should probably be using this quiet time to catch up on sleep for himself. He sighed as he stood up from the desk in his office and started making his way to the nearest on-call room.</p>
<p>He lay on his back on the bed, focusing on his breathing to try and help him fall asleep. He couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen. Normally, he was right about these feelings but, as he does every time he gets that feeling, he waits for it to pass.</p>
<p>He felt like he'd only had his eyes closed for five minutes when his pager started going off. Eyes snapping open he checked the message. <em>911, 2201.</em> Wait, wasn't that Ellis Grey's room? Before he knew it, he was on his feet, running to room 2201.</p>
<p>"Dr, Shepherd," he was met with one of Bailey's residents, "Bailey told me to page you, she's on her way in, but it's Dr. Grey, Ellis Grey. She coded; she didn't make it. Pulmonary embolism."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Meredith groaned; her eyes blurred slightly as she looked over at the digital alarm. <em>04:30.</em> Why was her phone going off so much? She reached for it just as she heard Maggie come into her room.</p>
<p>"Meredith? We need to go, it's Ellis."</p>
<p>Well, that explains the dream she'd just been pulled from.</p>
<p>
  <em>Just keep going. Don't be a damn. You are, you are anything but ordinary, Meredith.</em>
</p>
<p>All of a sudden, her whole body was awake, and she climbed out of the bed, throwing her clothes on and heading down the stairs with Maggie. She almost felt numb to some extent.</p>
<p>"I'll drive," Maggie offered, grabbing her car keys. Meredith nodded and followed her out to the car. That was probably for the best.</p>
<p>After what felt like forever, they pulled in at the hospital. Meredith's phone started ringing, she glanced at it. <em>Derek.</em> She couldn't speak to him just now. She declined the call and put her phone on silent, slid it back in her pocket, and headed into the hospital with Maggie.</p>
<p>She approached the room, side by side with Maggie, and walked straight up to Bailey, she could feel his eyes on her, "My mother's dead, isn't she?"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Meredith, she's gone."</p>
<p>Whatever Bailey said next, she didn't hear it. A single tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it away before anyone could see it. Her gaze turned to her mother's now empty room and she bit her lip. She needed to move. She needed to go.</p>
<p>She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling Maggie's hand on her arm, "Let's sort the paperwork and head home," Meredith nodded and placed her hand over her sister's. Bailey handed the paperwork over to Maggie, who in turn led Meredith to one of the conference rooms.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Maggie had gone to find Richard, sensing Meredith needed some time alone. She picked up the papers off the table ready to give to Bailey. She left the conference room and he was there, leaning against the wall, waiting for her. She stopped and crossed her arms with a soft sigh.</p>
<p>"Hey, is there anything I can do?" he said, looking at her with sad eyes.</p>
<p>Her gaze dropped to the floor, "It's okay, I think. I think it's okay."</p>
<p>"Meredith," he started as he watched her.</p>
<p>"I can't do this right now, I have to go," she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Before he could say anymore, she had turned around and walked off in the opposite direction to find Maggie and Dr. Bailey.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>I wanted to tell you it'd be different this time.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>Swans - Unkle Bob.</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Runaway</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I didn't know that you had feelings too.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Meredith?" she heard Cristina's voice through the phone.</p>
<p>She took a deep breath before speaking, "Hey, Cristina."</p>
<p>Yang instantly knew something was up, "Hey, what's up? Talk to me."</p>
<p>"My mother, she died, she's gone," Meredith's eyes watered as she spoke, but wouldn't let the tears fall, she couldn't.</p>
<p>"Oh, Mer, are you okay? Do you need me to come? Do you want to hide away here?" Meredith smiled sadly as her friend spoke, searching for a way to help her.</p>
<p>"No, no, it's okay, she was cremated, no funeral. She didn't want that," she explained, "I just needed to know you're still there, you know?"</p>
<p>She heard Cristina sigh softly, "I know, Meredith, I know. And I'm here, I'll always be here."</p>
<p>"Thank you, Cristina, I'll let you go, Maggie's made another lasagne," she laughed, "she's like Izzie but with pasta."</p>
<p>Cristina laughed with her at the memory, "Okay, call if you need me."</p>
<p>"I will," Meredith hung up the phone and made her way down to the kitchen, following the smell of Maggie's cooking down to the kitchen.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He didn't see her all week. He hadn't tried to call, or message. He wanted to give her space, that's what she wanted, right? He hadn't seen Maggie either, so at least he could safely assume she wasn't on her own. She'd talk to him when she was ready. At the same time, he didn't want her to think he'd completely forgotten about her.</p>
<p>He sat on the empty gurney in the quiet hallway internally debating with himself for around ten minutes before pulling his phone out. <em>I'm still here if you need me.</em> He hit send as a new page came through. Consult in the pit. He needed the distraction.</p>
<hr/>
<p>A week was long enough, she was going stir crazy in that house. Which is why she was stood in Richard's office. She needed to get back to work. Maggie had gone back to work today. That's what she needed. Once she had convinced him of this, she thanked him and left his office with promises of letting him know if she found she needed more time.</p>
<p>She headed off in the direction of the attendings lounge, looking for Bailey for an update on her patients. The room was empty, which normally indicated one thing, trauma in the pit. Quickly grabbing her white coat from her office on the way, she made her way down there. Stood on the elevator, she heard the ping on her phone of a new message and took a quick look at the screen. <em>Not now,</em> she thought for maybe the fiftieth time that week, every time she had seen his name in her contacts. She still didn't know what she was going to do about <em>that</em> situation. As she read the message, she involuntarily bit her bottom lip. She didn't deserve this, especially after she'd ignored him all week. She put her phone away and the elevator arrived at the pit.</p>
<p>She had one task: find Bailey. She didn't think it would be that hard, but the sea of people in front of her suggested otherwise. In an attempt to not get dragged onto any cases right now, she headed towards the admittance desk with tunnel vision. "Has anyone seen Dr Bailey?" she asked the nurses working there, they shook their heads. Meredith sighed in frustration, taking her phone out to try and contact Bailey herself.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He thought his eyes were deceiving him. She wouldn't have come back this early, right? He stood on the other end of the room from her, his gaze stuck on her for a moment until he heard his name being called from trauma room two. He made his way over, pulling the latex gloves on his hands, "Talk to me, Kepner."</p>
<p>"Tracy May, 36, fell down a flight of stairs and just now seized, lasted 90 seconds, no loss of consciousness in field reported," Derek nodded as April gave him the information, starting his exam on the now unconscious patient.</p>
<p>"Okay, order a head CT, looks like she may have a subdural haematoma, page me if anything changes," he left them to continue working on the patient's other injuries. As he walked back out into the pit, he noticed she no longer stood where he'd previously seen her. He sighed dejectedly. As much as he wanted to give her time, he didn't realise how much he'd miss being around her.</p>
<p>When his phone buzzed in his pocket, his heart skipped a beat. Without hesitation, he pulled the phone out to check it. He tried to hide the disappointment on his face, not really from anyone in particular, as he read the name on his phone. <em>Mom.</em> He really needed to call her. He'd do it later. For now, he had to work.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She met with Alex in cafeteria. He'd messaged her earlier, threatening to hunt her down himself if she didn't come and get lunch. She'd laughed at the notion but went along anyway. She'd missed her friend. "You know, Mer, you can't ignore him forever," her head snapped up as he pulled her out of her own thoughts.</p>
<p>"I'm not <em>ignoring</em> him, I just needed some space," she told him with a small shrug.</p>
<p>"You need people, Mer," he watched her, trying to read her emotion.</p>
<p>She glared at him for a moment, "Alex, I have people. I have you, and Maggie, and Cristina."</p>
<p>"You know what I mean," he chuckled at her nonchalance, "We're not interns anymore, you know? We're not trying to get through residency. What's your excuse gonna be now?" He knew the reason; she just wouldn't admit it out loud.</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes at his question, "You know, Alex, I can't do that again. I'm perfectly happy as I am now, I don't <em>need</em> anyone else in my life."</p>
<p>"It's not always about need, let it be about what you <em>want,</em>" he suggested with a shrug.</p>
<p>She paused for a moment, debating what he'd said in her mind, "I'll think about it," she muttered before eating another forkful of her salad.</p>
<p>He laughed again at her stubbornness, "Letting someone in is not as bad as it might sound, you know," he said as he finished off his pizza, "I've got to go, kids to save and all that!"</p>
<p>Meredith shook her head, laughing softly as she watched him head out the cafeteria. She sat, lost in thought as she pushed the remainder of her salad around the plastic container. Alex was right, they weren't interns anymore, they were the attendings. Heads of their departments. Since Finn, she'd stopped dating. She'd had the odd one-night stand every once in a blue moon, but that was just to scratch an itch. She hadn't felt like this in years. She hadn't come anywhere close to this feeling since she before met Finn. Not ever in her life. She was scared, but it felt so good.</p>
<p>"Are you winning?" For the second time that hour, she was pulled out of her own thoughts. She looked up. He looked down at her with a small grin as she looked up in confusion, "You know, Meredith vs The Salad," he gestured towards the plastic container.</p>
<p>She looked down at the food in front of her, finally understanding what he was getting out. She laughed a little, looking back up at him, "You want to sit?"</p>
<p>"I thought you'd never ask," he said with a small smile, sitting across from her in the seat Alex was just in, making a start on his lunch, waiting on her to speak first. He needed to do things at her pace, he understood that.</p>
<p>She watched him curiously for a moment. As if a shock had just run through her body, she sat up in the chair. He looked at her, waiting for her to speak, "Are you busy tonight?"</p>
<p>Taken back slightly, but not wanting her to change her mind he replied quickly, "I should be leaving around 6 tonight and then I'm free. Why?" He questioned, keeping his eyes locked with hers.</p>
<p>"Do you, do you want to come over to my place, meet me there around seven?"</p>
<p>"I'd love to, Meredith," he tried to not sound so eager, but was over the moon that she'd asked.</p>
<p>She nodded, with a smile, "Good, I uh, I have to go, I'll see you soon, tonight?"</p>
<p>He nodded in return, unable to keep the grin off his face, "Definitely."</p>
<p>She felt his eyes on her as she walked out the room. Knowing she would see him tonight kept the smile on her face and helped her through the rest of the day. Not that she'd admit it to anyone.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He sat in his car, parked outside her house, the address she'd messaged him earlier on.</p>
<p>
  <em>18:57.</em>
</p>
<p>Now, he didn't want to seem too eager. But he was. He was very eager.</p>
<p>He could sense already how skittish she was. She didn't come across as someone who would throw all her eggs in one basket and go for it. He definitely didn't expect her to, they'd known each other no more than two weeks. He couldn't deny the attraction he felt toward her, and he was sure she felt it too. He couldn't push her though, especially not now.</p>
<p><em>19:04. Shit.</em> He'd got lost in his own thoughts again. He grabbed the bag off the seat next him and climbed out the car, making his way up to the front door.</p>
<hr/>
<p><em>Crap. Crap. He's not coming.</em> She paced back and forth in the hallway, her palm against her forehead. Why would he want to? She was stupid to even invite him. This was a bad idea; this was a really bad idea. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she almost jumped out of her skin when he knocked on the frosted glass of her front door. She opened the door, still slightly startled as she looked at him.</p>
<p>"Hey," he looked at her, slightly concerned, "you okay?"</p>
<p>She nodded and smiled, genuinely glad to see him, "Yeah, hi, I'm good, come in," she opened the door wider and step to the side to let him walk in, eyeing the bag, "What's in the bag?"</p>
<p>"Oh, I brought you tequila," he grinned softly as walked in, pulling the bottle out the bag and handing it to her.</p>
<p>She laughed as she took the bottle, "Thank you, you know me well," he followed her as she led the way to the kitchen to get them each a glass, "Are you drinking tequila as well?" She questioned.</p>
<p>"Oh no," he said with a laugh, sitting down on one of the stools at the island, "I'm not drinking that stuff, it's poison. I brought whiskey," he said as he set the bottle of his favourite whiskey on the counter in front of him.</p>
<p>"Oh, good, because I'm not sharing," she said with a grin, placing a glass down in front of him. She opened the bottle of tequila, pouring some into her own glass, "I'm kind of hungry, and I'm kind of sick of eating lasagne, fancy a pizza?"</p>
<p>"I'm good for some pizza," he said as he poured his drink, "Why so much lasagne?"</p>
<p>"It's Maggie's comfort food," she rolled her eyes as she spoke, taking a sip of her drink as she walked around to sit on the stool beside him, "Pepperoni good for you?"</p>
<p>"I'm good with whatever, Meredith," he watched as she smiled when he said her name, he did have that effect on her it seemed. He waited for her as she phoned up the local pizza place, putting in their order. Once she had put the phone down, he placed a hand on her thigh and squeezed gently, as a way to comfort, more than anything, "How are you?"</p>
<p>He didn't have to say the words exactly, she knew what he meant, "Honestly, Derek, I'm okay. Ellis and I, we didn't have a good relationship. She took me away to Boston when I was five, took me away from my father. Surgery always came first for her; I was an afterthought. I grew up with nannies, not a mother. Before med school, we had this big fight, she told me I'd never make it as a surgeon," she paused, downing the last bit of tequila from her glass and set it down. He didn't interrupt her, he just listened to what she had to say. After a moment she continued, "and then I went away to Europe for two months, when I came back, that's when her sickness became more obvious. But she had no one left, she only had me. So, I had to do everything, I took over. I still went to med school, I looked after her. When I got accepted at Seattle Grace, it was almost a blessing. I moved her into Roseridge, I was able to keep it a secret for her, for about half a year, but then she turned up at the hospital and everyone knew," she sighed softly and looked up from her hands to him, "I'm sorry, I'm totally rambling right now."</p>
<p>"No, don't be sorry, it's okay," he placed his hand against cheek, and she rested her cheek against his hand, "You can talk if you need to, or I can talk. Or we can just sit here in silence," he laughed softly and leaned forward to press a kiss against her forehead.</p>
<p>"Let's go sit on the couch," she said, placing her hand over his and locking their fingers together to hold his hand, she picked up the bottle of tequila with her other hand. He picked up his bottle of whiskey and followed her through to the couch in the living room. He sat down in the corner of the couch and she hesitated a moment before sitting close beside him, allowing his arm to slide around her waist. It felt safe.</p>
<p>She rested her head against his shoulder before she continued, "So, everyone found out. She went back to the nursing home after a short stay. A couple months later, I got a call from the nursing home because she'd been asking for me. She wanted to apologise for everything that had happened before I went to Europe. She didn't know five years had passed. Then, she started having arrhythmias so maybe it was a good thing I'd been there," she laughed sadly at the thought, "and she came back to the hospital. I spent time with her. She said she wanted to get to know me, but she didn't like what she heard, I'd met someone at the time," her voice faltered slightly, not wanting to go too deep into that subject just yet, and he wasn't going to push it, "long story short, she was disappointed in me. That night she sat with Richard, I went to check on her and she was gone again. The next day, Dr Bourke operated on her and once she recovered, well she's been in the home ever since."</p>
<p>Derek lowered his head and pressed his lips against her temple, inhaling the lavender scent of her hair and she spoke one last time, "I'm not in shock, I'm not wracked with grief… I'm moving on." They sat in a comfortable silence, mainly because she was slightly panicking at the word-vomit she'd just produced in the last twenty minutes. A knock on the door pulled them out of their bubble, most likely belonging to the pizza. Derek released his hold on her and went to the door to get the pizza.</p>
<p>Meredith listened for a moment, then took a drink of tequila from the bottle before placing it on the coffee table next to Derek's whiskey bottle. As Derek brought the pizza in, she went into the kitchen to grab some paper towels for them both. The last thing she wanted to be doing tonight was any dishes. Settling back on the couch, the pizza between them, the conversation of the relationship Ellis and Meredith Grey had been dropped as they ate. She wanted to know more about him. As they spoke, laughed, and ate the pizza, a voice in the back of her head was begging her to ask about his almost-ex-wife, or she hoped he would bring it up himself.</p>
<p>Something was bothering her. He could tell. There was a question on the tip of her tongue. He had an inkling what it would be about, but he didn't want to make any assumptions. He waited, listened to her stories, told his own stories. She asked about surgeries he's had since coming to the hospital, she was interested in the neurological cases. She asked about cases he'd had back in New York. He felt at ease talking with her, he was genuinely interested in what he had to say. Whatever it was that he could tell she was dying to ask him, she didn't ask. Part of him didn't want to bring up what he thought she was thinking about. He didn't want to ruin the evening, the light mood between them.</p>
<p>He had to, though. He had to be honest with her. So, when the conversation lulled slightly, he brought it up. "I, I thought I should let you know, by the way, the divorce," her ears perked at his, and she looked straight at him, prepared for whatever he was about to say, "there's been some kind of delay in getting the papers from my attorney to Addison, my soon to be ex-wife. Something about tracing her, it appears she's moved address. They'll get them to her though, and I don't want you to worry about it," he took her hand in hers and squeezed her hand gently, trying to read her expression, "I want this to work, and to do that I need to be honest with you, especially about this, because this affects you, too."</p>
<p>She hung on to every word he said. Listening carefully. He cared. He cared about what she thought. He wanted this to work with Meredith and she could see that so clearly in this moment. She took a deep breath and nodded, squeezing his hand back gently. Her other hand moved to pick up the empty pizza box between them, putting it out of the way on the coffee table so she could move closer to him.</p>
<p>His arms snaked around her waist as she moved closer, and he gently pulled her closer to him, letting her back rest against his chest as she lay between his legs. Her head tilted back to look at him with a small smile, "Thank you, for telling me."<br/>He lowered his lips and pressed them gently against her forehead, "Like I said, I want this to work."</p>
<p>Her eyes closed as she let herself relax in his hold, a soft sigh of contentment escaping her lips as she did so.</p>
<p>They lay there again in their comfortable silence. Since Ellis' death, she couldn't deny she'd had problems getting to sleep, and staying asleep. Lay there in his arms, she was relaxed, and it didn't take long for her to doze off. His eyes watched her as she fell into slumber, all the barriers she had been holding up, the 'I'm fine' mask, all fell away. He could see how tired she was, and he knew she wouldn't be the first to admit it, so he let her sleep there. He didn't dare to wake her, and would stop anyone who tried.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>I never thought that I was king of you.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>Runaway (feat. Psapp) - Syabrite</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Fools In Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Fools in love they think they're heroes because they get to feel no pain; I say fools in love are zeros.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Derek was close to dropping off to sleep himself when he heard his phone buzz in the side pocket of his jeans. Keeping his hold on the sleeping woman who lay on him, he reached for his phone; his mom was ringing again. He sighed softly and answered the phone, talking so quiet it was almost a whisper, "Hey. Mom, now is a really bad time."</p>
<p>"Derek! You actually answered," she laughed softly, as upset as she was with him, she couldn't get angry at him, "Why are you whispering?"</p>
<p>"I just need to be quiet right now," his eyes were fixed on Meredith as he spoke, hoping he wouldn't wake her. He couldn't hide the affection in his voice, and part of him just didn't want to hide her from his own mother.</p>
<p>"Just let me know, are you okay?" She questioned; she hadn't heard from him in over three weeks. All she knew is that he had up and left Addison and gone away to Seattle. She didn't blame him though, she supported her son in every decision he made. She just worried.</p>
<p>"Yes, Mom. I'm okay, I think. I guess, I was really angry for a while. But things have changed, and I'm happy, honestly," he said, still keeping quiet, but unable to keep the grin off his face.</p>
<p>"Well, I'm sure you'll tell me all about her when you're ready, son," she laughed softly, he really couldn't hide anything from her if he tried.</p>
<p>"I will, Mom, promise," he watched as Meredith started to stir in his hold, "I have to go, I'll speak to you soon, love you."</p>
<p>"Speak soon, love you too," she responded. He ended the call just as Meredith's eyes opened and she looked up at him.</p>
<p>She stretched a little and his hold loosened on her as she started to sit, she murmured, her voice still thick with sleep, "Who was that?"</p>
<p>"Just my mom, she has bad timing, I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you," he explained, watching her closely.</p>
<p>She shook her head and smiled softly, "It's okay, I probably shouldn't sleep here all night anyway. That can't have been comfortable for you," she said with a small laugh as she wiped at her eyes.</p>
<p>He laughed with her and sat up beside her, resting his hand on her lower back, "Oh no, it was very comfortable for me, don't worry," he leaned to kiss her cheek, just as her head moved and his lips ended up on hers. She didn't pull away. Her hand moved to his shoulder as she returned the kiss, deepening it.</p>
<p>As they continued, their lips locked together, his arms moved around her waist and he felt the smirk of her lips against his own as she moved to straddle him on the couch, sat in his lap with her knees on the couch either side of him. His own hands moved around her waist, holding her there as she tangled her fingers into his hair, neither one breaking the passionate kiss.</p>
<p>After a gentle tug on her lower lip, inciting a soft, quiet moan from Meredith, he moved his lips with gentle kisses along her jaw line and down her neck, his arms moving around her waist to hold her closer to him. She relished in the feel of his lips against her soft skin, her breathing still slightly heavier from their kiss moments ago. One hand moved to his chin as she moved her lips back on his, needing to feel that connection again.</p>
<p>"Will you stay?" she murmured against his lips. She didn't want to be alone. She knew how to be alone and she could be alone if she <em>had</em> to be. But the fact was, she didn't want to.</p>
<p>Their lips parted and their eyes met, and he smiled at her, "Of course I'll stay." She grinned back at him and climbed out of his lap. It had to be getting late. He watched her as she moved picked her phone up off the coffee table.</p>
<p>She had a message from Maggie, about an hour ago, letting her know she'd be back late, around 10pm. Meredith checked the time, <em>21:45.</em> She looked up at Derek, "Let's go upstairs," she suggested. She wasn't ready for Maggie to meet him yet. Of course, Maggie had already met him, but that was professional. She wasn't ready for Maggie to meet him as more than that. Not yet.</p>
<p>Derek nodded, thinking nothing of it. He picked up the empty pizza box and took it through to the kitchen as Meredith moved the bottles of alcohol into the kitchen as well. She led him up to her room, feeling nervous all of a sudden. It's not like this was new, but it sure as hell felt it. She closed the bedroom door, using the lock for the first time in years. Her room was always kept open, whether for Cristina's spontaneous visits or in case Maggie needed her. She wasn't risking anyone walking in unannounced tonight, not while he was there.</p>
<p>"I need a shower," Meredith said quietly, she looked over to where Derek was sat on the edge of her bed and slightly bit her lower lip, hesitating a moment before plucking up the courage to ask, "Do you, do you want to join me?"</p>
<p>She held her breath for a moment, waiting for his answer, only he grinned and stood up, moving closer to her and weaving his arms around her waist, sensing her nervousness and pulled her close to his body to try and ease her nerves, "Yes, I do want to join you," he murmured softly as he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. He felt her body relax instantly and he saw the smile return to her lips. <em>Beautiful,</em> he thought.</p>
<p>She continued smiling as she pulled away from his hold, only to go into her adjoining bathroom to turn on the shower. He followed her in, taking off his shirt as he went. He watched, silent, as she undressed in front of him, her back to him. She felt his eyes on her back and put her clothes in the hamper before she stepped under the hot water, waiting for him. He quickly stripped the rest of his clothes and followed her into the shower, his arms reaching around her from behind. He had no doubt this was where he was meant to be in his life. Right now.</p>
<p>As wrapped up in each other as they were, neither of them heard the door open and close downstairs.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Maggie came home to a seemingly empty house. If it weren't for the fact Meredith's car was in the driveway, she would be more worried about her sister's whereabouts. Walking into the kitchen, she eyed the empty pizza box and two empty glasses on the side. She put her bag down on the kitchen island and put the glasses on the top shelf of the dishwasher, and the empty pizza box in the trash.</p>
<p>She set a portion of leftover lasagne to reheat in the microwave as she sat on one of the stools, pulling her phone out. A yawn escaped her lips as she composed a message to Jackson. <em>Just got home, going to eat and head to bed. Speak tomorrow.</em> She didn't feel up to any long conversations tonight, it had been a very long day and she just wanted to go to bed.</p>
<p>Finishing her food, she put the plate in the dishwasher before picking her bag back up and heading up to her room. She paused for a moment on the landing, before deciding to quickly check on Meredith. She walked down to the end of the hall, and before she could even touch the door handle, or knock on the door, she heard the sound of her sister's laughter coming from the room shortly followed by a male voice. <em>Oh.</em></p>
<p>She smiled to herself and shook her head a little, debating a moment longer about knocking on the door, just to let her sister know she was home before deciding not to. She stepped away from the door and retreated to her own room for the night. She sat on her bed with a soft sigh and sent a quick message to Meredith, <em>I'm home, gone to bed.</em> She wasn't about to spook her sister by letting on that she knew she wasn't alone. This is exactly what Meredith needed. A small voice in the back of her head just hoped it was Derek Shepherd in there with her.</p>
<hr/>
<p>They woke to the sound of Meredith's alarm clock going off. Meredith groaned, not wanting to separate from Derek's warmth. She began to reach over him to turn of the alarm, but he shifted next to her and reached over instead, "I got it," he murmured, his arm then returning to hold her at her waist. He pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head, "Good morning."</p>
<p>She smiled and turned to look at his sleepy expression, "Good morning." They lay there a moment, just watching one another. Her eyes eventually peered over at the time on the clock, "I need to get up," she sighed softly and turned on to her back.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I need to stop by my place before the hospital," he mused with a soft chuckle, realising he needed a change of clothes. Neither moved yet.</p>
<p>Meredith was the first to move, sitting up and pulling back the covers, "I need a shower… I smell like sex," she said with a soft laugh.</p>
<p>He sat up himself and moved close to her, his hand resting on her cheek to move her to face him, his lips pressed against hers in a soft kiss that she reciprocated, "I can help you with that," he said with a slight smirk on his lips.</p>
<p>"If you keep touching me, I'll never make it to work," she laughed and gave him one last kiss before stepping out of the bed.</p>
<p>"I can't argue with that logic," he laughed with her and climbed out of the bed himself, pulling on his boxers as he stood up. She walked round to his side and his arms wrapped around her, "I'll see you later, then?" he asked as her hands moved up to rest on his shoulders.</p>
<p>"Yes you will," she assured him with a soft grin, "Now go so I can get ready, you're making me late," she reached up to press a soft kiss against his cheek before pulling away and heading towards her adjoining bathroom to wash last night's activities off.</p>
<p>"Okay, okay…" he laughed softly as he watched her close the door behind herself, shaking his head in a moment of disbelief as he dressed himself. He sat on her bed a moment, listening to the sound of the water start in the shower as he thought. He was sure more than ever, he needed to keep that woman in his life.</p>
<p>He stood to put his shoes on and made his way out of her room, almost sneaking as he made his way to the front door, just in case anyone else, such as Maggie, were in the house. He managed to make it out to his car unseen and made his way to his own apartment to get ready for the day ahead.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Meredith stepped out of her bathroom, wrapped in a towel, when she heard a small knock on her bedroom door, "Meredith?" She heard her sister through the wood. She went over and opened the door with a smile.</p>
<p>"Hey, Maggie, what's up?" she asked her sister as she towel dried her hair, stepping back into her room with the door open for Maggie to step inside.</p>
<p>"Good night?" her sister asked, a knowing smile on her face.</p>
<p>Meredith felt a slight blush on her cheeks and nodded in response, "Yeah, it was a good night."</p>
<p>"And that <em>was</em> Derek Shepherd I just saw driving away from the house?" her sister pushed slightly, wanting to know more.</p>
<p>Meredith laughed softly at her sister, "Yes, yes it was," both were silent a moment before Meredith spoke again, "Do you wanna carpool this morning? I'll be ready to go in 15."</p>
<p>"Yeah, sounds good, I'll be ready," Maggie responded. She decided on not pressing the matter further. Meredith would talk when Meredith was either ready or had drank enough tequila. She left the room with a small laugh, making sure she was ready on time.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>I should know, I should know because this fool's in love again.</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>Fools in Love - Inara George.</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. It's All Okay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>And it's all okay, because love will find a way to be what love is.</em>
</p><hr/><p>The next couple weeks went by far too quickly. Work was busy, for both of them. They'd meet for the odd lunch and had managed to fit a few dinner dates in, followed by them staying at the other's place alternately. He kept giving her that look, though. He needed to stop giving her that look in work. The one that made her want to drag him into an on-call room with her. Work needed to stay strictly professional. She had a reputation to uphold, anyhow, she couldn't afford the distraction. If anyone at the hospital had caught on to the relationship growing between them, they didn't say anything.</p><p>She still found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop. He hadn't said more regarding his impending divorce since that night and she still wasn't sure how to bring it up herself without sounding so insecure about it., so she left it alone. She was sure he'd tell her if there was any news, at least she hoped he would.</p><hr/><p>Derek had another phone call with his mother earlier that week. He told her about Meredith. He told her he was happy. He acknowledged it was quick, and his divorce still hadn't gone through yet, but he knew this was what he wanted. She was what he wanted, and there was definitely no rebound involved here, as suggested by Nancy. He decided not to mention any names. He didn't want them to know her from a google search, he wanted them to meet her in person, but not right away. His mother was happy for him, she understood.</p><p>He had a new fellow starting today. Richard had created a fellowship and found the perfect student who was relocating from Massachusetts after doing her residency as Mass Gen. He didn't know who she was and hadn't caught on to the name he'd been given. He was too distracted fielding calls all week from his ex-wife. She must've finally received the divorce papers. All she had to do was sign them and it was done. She clearly wasn't in the marriage anymore otherwise she wouldn't have slept with his best friend. He'd even let her take most of their property, he didn't need it. He had his apartment in Seattle, and his land out on Bainbridge island.</p><p>He made his way to Richard's office to meet his new fellow. She had a slight frame and short, brown hair. Upon first look, she did look somewhat familiar, but he couldn't quite place why. And then he heard her name. "Dr. Derek Shepherd meet Dr. Alexandra Grey, your neurosurgery fellow," Richard introduced them.</p><p>"Please, everyone calls me Lexie," she responded with a smile, reaching her hand to shake his.</p><p>"Lexie… Lexie Grey?" He laughed softly and shook her hand; she had a firm handshake. He looked to Richard who gave a slight nod, confirming what Derek was thinking, "Welcome to Seattle, Dr. Grey."</p><p>At that moment, her pager went off, signalling her presence being required in the ER, "I best go, catch up with you soon!"</p><p>Derek turned to Richard once Lexie had left the room, "Does Meredith know?"</p><p>Richard shook his head, "Doubtful. They're half-sisters on her dad's side. As far as I was aware, she hasn't spoken to Thatcher in about five years. Maybe it's best if we don't say, leave it be for now."</p><p>Derek nodded, not entirely comfortable with having this knowledge and being unable to share it with Meredith. At the same time, he didn't think it was really his place to say anything, "I'd better get to work," he stated as he left the office.</p><hr/><p>After leaving Richard's office, she was a bag of nerves on the way to the ER. She never thought she'd make it into the fellowship, for starters. She was younger than most in her class, and she always felt like she had more to prove. Now, she was in a brand-new hospital, ready to start her fellowship in her chosen speciality, neurosurgery, studying under one of the best neurosurgeons out there.</p><p>Then there was the fact that she knew her half-sister Meredith Grey was also Chief of General Surgery here. She'd heard about her sister from her father, Thatcher. Not much, mind. But he kept pictures of her. He even had a picture up from her journal article on the abdominal wall transplant that earned her the Catherine Fox Innovation Award last year.</p><p>Coming to Seattle was more than for the job, or the chance to meet her sister. Her father needed her. Her mother had passed at the beginning of last year, and she knew her father wasn't taking it well. He needed her. So, she did her research, applied to fellowships in the area, and came home to be there for him.</p><p>She went to the pit and found head of trauma, Dr April Kepner. She was directed to multiple trauma bays where patients awaited neuro checks before they could be either admitted or released. She grabbed a tablet from the nurses' station and got to work.</p><p>Meredith had been in back-to-back surgeries all day. She managed to have five minutes to herself for the first time, but of course that's when her pager decided to go off. She was needed in the ER. With a sigh, she headed down to the pit, coffee in hand, silently cursing whoever had decided to page her. When she got there, she found her best friend, Alex Karev, waiting for her by the admittance desk, "Did you page me?"</p><p>Alex shook his head, "Not me," he laughed as he noticed the expression on her face, "What's your problem?"</p><p>Her face relaxed a little and she binned the empty coffee cup, "I've been in surgeries since six this morning, and as soon as I get five minutes to myself I'm paged to the ER," she grumbled, "and no-one seems to be waiting for me here," she sighed as she looked around a little.</p><p>Alex shrugged, "I honestly couldn't tell you, but while you're here I do have something to show you," he nudged her shoulder as she rolled her eyes at him, "Look over there, bed six," he motioned over to where Lexie was seeing to a patient, "Shepherd's fellow started today, so you think she looks familiar?"</p><p>She raised her eyebrows as she looked from the doctor back to him, "No? Am I supposed to know her?" She asked as she looked back at the unfamiliar doctor, although the look in her face rang a bell deep inside her mind.</p><p>He grabbed her arm and made her turn around, backs facing the particular trauma bay, "Quit staring, Mer," he said with a laugh, "but apparently, her name is Grey," her head snapped up to look at him, "Lexie Grey."</p><p>"You're kidding, right? Is this some kind of joke?" She knew a Lexie Grey. She knew <em>of</em> a Lexie Grey. But that Lexie Grey was across the country, in Boston.</p><p>"Wait, <em>do you know her</em>?" he laughed at the expression on Meredith's face, "Oh my… you do?"</p><p>She groaned and her head fell in her hands as she leaned against the desk in front of her, "She's Thatcher's daughter, Alex. He told me about her when Mollie was having her baby, you know, when we were interns. She's <em>supposed</em> to be in Boston, at Mass Gen."</p><p>"You should go say hi," he teased, lightly jabbing her in the upper arm, she glared at him, "Or don't, your choice."</p><p>She shook her head, "I shouldn't. What I should do is find out who the hell paged me so I can go sleep," she stood up straight as she saw Kepner approach, "Who needs me, April?"</p><p>Kepner shrugged, "I didn't page you," she looked over at the ER board, "Nope, don't think you're needed here."</p><p>"Well then, I'm off to an on-call room to sleep," she eyed Alex, "do not do anything stupid while I'm gone," she warned before walking away.</p><p>He shouted after her, "No promises from me, Mer!"</p><p>She didn't respond but shook her head. She took out her phone as she stepped into the elevator, typing out a message to Derek. <em>Meet me in the on-call room on 3. </em>She hit send as she got off at the third floor and made her way for the on-call room which was, thankfully, unlocked and empty. She shut the door behind her and climbed onto one of the beds, laying on top of the sheets and staring up at the ceiling, her eyes starting to close. God, she was tired.</p><hr/><p>He was just getting out of surgery when he heard his phone go off. Once he scrubbed out, he checked the message. <em>An on-call room?</em> She never went alone with him to an on-call room. Part of him wished she had ulterior motives to sleeping, but then he remembered who had started at the hospital this morning. Maybe she'd found out. He also had another missed call from Addison. That could be ignored. He went to go update the family of the patient he'd just worked on before making his way to the third floor.</p><p>He knocked on the door to the on-call room, no answer. Keeping quiet, he opened the door partially and saw her asleep on the bed, no one else in the room. He locked the door behind him and watched her a moment, leaning his back against the door. She was sleeping with that worried look on her face. He should probably try and wake her, but she must be tired to be sleeping at three in the afternoon. As gentle as he could, he lay on the bed next her, brushing her hair out of her face. He leant down to press a soft kiss against her forehead as she shifted slightly, and he wrapped her in his arms, letting her head rest against his shoulder.</p><p>Five minutes passed, and she began to stir in his arms. He watched as her eyes opened and she smiled at him for a moment. He pressed his lips gently against hers and murmured, "Hey, sleepyhead."</p><p>She kissed him back a moment and then pulled back, "I'm supposed to be upset with you," her brow furrowed and he watched her cautiously, "it's hard to stay upset with you, though," she shrugged and kissed him again.</p><p>He laughed softly as he returned the kiss, his body shifted slightly so that he was above her on the bed, "and why are you upset with me, can I ask?" He kept his eyes on hers.</p><p>She bit her bottom lip as he moved above her, "Lexie. Your new fellow," her head tilted back slightly as he left soft kisses down her neck.</p><p>"And what about her?" he murmured softly against her skin, one hand holding her waist.</p><p>"She's," her breath caught slightly as he gently nipped her, "she's Thatcher's daughter, Derek. You know, my estranged father Thatcher."</p><p>His lips moved back up her neck and he looked into her eyes before responding, "I didn't know, Meredith, honestly. I just met her this morning. I knew I was getting a fellow but I didn't even know their name."</p><p>"You didn't?" she questioned as her upset with him faded more and more.</p><p>He shook his head and kissed her lips again softly, "I didn't know. The fellowship with her was already set up before I even got the call about this job from Richard, he organised it all."</p><p>He watched carefully as a look of rage flashed in her eyes, "Did he now?" she scoffed. And then she sighed, "I need to go. And you need to stop being so… irresistible. Otherwise I'm going to end up breaking my own rule," she started to sit up and he moved to her side.</p><p>"And what rule is that?" he questioned with a soft laugh, getting up off the bed as she did.</p><p>"No sex in the hospital," she laughed with him, which faded quickly as she caught a devilish look in his eyes. He stood in front of her, moving her back against the locked door. His lips landed hard against hers as his hands gripped at her waist, his body sandwiching hers against the door, earning him a moan from her.</p><p>"Now that's a silly rule," he murmured as he smirked against her lips and pulled away suddenly, leaving her stood there, in a slight daze, "I guess we'll have to wait then, till tonight."</p><p>She laughed and rolled her eyes at him, "and you say I'm a tease," she shook her head, putting her lab coat back on.</p><p>"I'm just following the rules," he said with a laugh, sitting on the bed. He watched as she left the room, waiting a few minutes before leaving the room himself. Tonight, would be fun.</p><hr/><p>She'd received the documents from the lawyers earlier that week. Divorce papers. She knew it was coming, though. She had been avoiding the calls from her attorney all week. She couldn't deny that it was going to happen, and she thought she was prepared for it, she honestly did.</p><p>It's not like she didn't know he'd moved on. His sister had let it slip when she didn't think she was listening. He'd been on the phone with his mom the previous night, supposedly.</p><p>Addison knew the gravity of what she'd done to him. She'd broken him. He had gone and moved all the way to Seattle. Cold, rainy, boring. Richard called and he'd taken the job at the drop of a hat. Barely even told his own mother that he was leaving, never mind his sisters, leaving her to explain to her extended family of eleven years what had gone down that night. She let him go; she didn't try and stop him.</p><p>It wasn't like it was much of a shock. The cheating? That was a shock. Who she'd cheated on him with? Also, a shock. Their marriage ending, not so much of a shock. They'd been growing apart for a long time now. It almost felt like pretending for the sake of appearances. They both worked late and they both got up early to work. They never planned for days off together, nights out together. They were practically just roommates at that point. And then she found herself doing the unspeakable and when she eventually got caught, he ran.</p><p>Now it was all too real, and he wasn't returning her calls. She knew had to speak to him in person. She needed to know he was definitely done. She had to at least try, and she didn't want this conversation through lawyers.</p><p>She knew there was no way he'd come back to her if he'd known the full story. He simply saw one night and that was enough for him to up and leave without even saying goodbye. She didn't want the truth to come from anyone else. Not even Mark. She knew it wouldn't be too much longer before Sloan made his own way to Seattle to track Derek down. They were practically brothers after all, since well before Addison had even entered their lives.</p><p>She'd ruined it. She took the easy way out, and it resulted in more than the destruction of their marriage.</p><p>She took the e-mail from Richard Webber as a sign. He requested her expertise on a case that required a foetal surgeon – her speciality. She asked in return that he not tell Derek she was on her way. He might just run again, and they needed to talk.</p><p>With her newfound excuse to go to Seattle, she boarded the mid-afternoon flight to Sea-Tac. She'd be at the hospital by 8pm Seattle time.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>And it's all okay, because love will find a way to be what love is.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>It's All Okay - Julia Stone.</strong>
</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Look Up Child</h2></a>
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        <em>Where are you now, when darkness seems to win?</em>
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      <p>Meredith was on her way to meet Derek and head home for the evening when her phone started to ring. She pulled it out her pocket and was confused. Why was Alex ringing her? She answered after her brief hesitation, "Hey, Karev. What's up?"</p>
      <p>"She's here, and she's asking for you," he said, she could hear the grin in his voice. Meredith's heart skipped a beat. She knew exactly who he was talking about.</p>
      <p>"I'm on my way," she said before hanging up. She headed straight to the elevator, repeatedly pressing the button to go back up. Eventually the doors opened, and she pressed the button for the paediatric floor. As she waited for the elevator to reach its destination, she composed a quick message to Derek. <em>Really sorry, something important has come up and I'm going to be in the hospital all night, rain check? </em>She hit send as she stepped out of the elevator and headed into the ward.</p>
      <p>Alex was waiting for her by the nurses' station, "She's supposed to be getting to sleep soon, but she refuses to sleep until she sees you."</p>
      <p>Meredith grinned back at him, "Thank you for calling me."</p>
      <p>She followed him to the patient's room, Alex went in first, "Look who I found for you," he announced her arrival before stepping out of the room.</p>
      <p>The little girl in the bed looked up and grinned the moment she saw Meredith, her big brown eyes lighting up, "MerMer!" She reaches her arms out and Meredith moved closer, wrapping her arms around the girl. She instantly knew something was off, she felt so much thinner than the last time she'd seen her just ten months ago when she came in for a check up.</p>
      <p>"Hey there, Miss Zola," she couldn't keep the grin off her face as Zola hugged her waist tight. Meredith sat on the bed beside her and pulled her close into her lap, "Now, Dr Alex says you don't want to sleep?"</p>
      <p>"I just really, really missed you," the little girl mumbled against her. Meredith laughed softly as she stroked her hair.</p>
      <p>"I missed you too," she pressed a soft kiss against the top of her head, "Let me take my coat off and I'll help you get some rest," Zola nodded and released Meredith who proceeded to take her coat off, putting it on the chair beside the bed, also removing her shoes.</p>
      <p>She helped the girl under the covers and moved to lay beside her, holding her close, wary of her IV, "Time to sleep now, ZoZo, I'm not going anywhere," Meredith whispered to the girl, and then proceeded to sing a soft lullaby to her. As Zola fell asleep, Meredith felt her relax in her arms. She knew she needed to move, speak to Alex, but she just needed a moment longer with her.</p>
      <p>Alex returned to the room, quietly knocking on the door to get Meredith's attention. She looked over to him, "Come on, Mer. We need to talk."</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded with a soft sigh and pressed a kiss to Zola's forehead before carefully pulling away, making sure Zola's toy lion was close beside her. She put her shoes back on but left her things on the chair before walking into the hallway with Alex. His arms wrapped around her, and only then did she realise she had tears in her eyes. Alex held her tight as she began to cry a little. After a moment he let her go, "You can't do this here, come on," he led her into the small office nearby and she sat in the chair.</p>
      <p>"She feels thinner, Alex. It can't be good, can it? Why is she here?" She looked up at him, tears in her eyes still as she waited for an answer from him.</p>
      <p>"The social worker brought her in, Mer," he told her, "Bullshit foster parents. She's malnourished and was dehydrated. She needs to stay here at least a week in case the conditions exacerbate any complications with her Spina Bifida."</p>
      <p>Anger built up inside her. She stood up out of the chair and smacked her hand against the wall, "Damnit! I knew, I should've," she muttered to herself as Alex watched her. He knew exactly what she meant. Exactly why she was so angry, angry at herself.</p>
      <p>"Meredith, this isn't your fault," he tried to reason with her.</p>
      <p>"How?! How is this not my fault?" she screamed back at him, tears streaming down her face as she started to breathe heavier, on the edge of a panic attack.</p>
      <p>Alex grabbed her arms, "Meredith, you need to calm down," he watched her as she stared at him, "C'mon, Mer. You can't do this to yourself."</p>
      <p>"I just, I just… I should've protected her, right from the start. She shouldn't have gone into the stupid system!" she started to calm down as she talked, Alex's arms wrapped around her again and rubbed her back gently, he didn't have to say anything. Meredith took a deep breath and stood back, wiping her eyes.</p>
      <p>His pager went off, breaking the silence between them and he checked it, "I have to go. Are you going to be okay?"</p>
      <p>She nodded taking another breath and wiping her eyes again, "Yeah, yeah. I'll go sit with her you go."</p>
      <p>As soon as he was sure she was calmer he left to go answer his page. A moment later she left the office, keeping her head down as she returned to Zola's room. She closed the door behind her and sat in the chair beside her bed. She tucked her legs beneath herself and watched the small girl as she slept.</p>
      <p>After a moment she took her phone out, to check Derek had received her message. She smiled at his message as she felt a hunger in her stomach, realising she hadn't had time to eat since breakfast. <em>If you're not too busy, something to eat wouldn't go amiss. I'm up in paeds for the night, room 5.</em> She set her phone down and continued her watch over Zola.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Derek was about ready to leave his office, ready to go and meet Meredith and head home when his phone chimed with a message from her. He couldn't help the disappointment that spread across his face.</p>
      <p>
        <em>Really sorry, something important has come up and I'm going to be in the hospital all night, rain check?</em>
      </p>
      <p>He quickly typed out a response to her. <em>It's okay, call me if you need anything. </em>He sighed softly; he'd been looking forward to tonight. They hadn't been able to spend time alone together for a few nights and they needed this. He needed this.</p>
      <p>He put his phone away and left his office, not paying attention to his surroundings as he walked down the hall of offices. At the end, just before the elevator was Richard Webber's office. By chance, he looked in. What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks. <em>Why was she here?</em></p>
      <p>He walked straight into the office, not giving a damn, "What the hell are you doing here?" He demanded.</p>
      <p>She turned to look at him, "Derek," she started.</p>
      <p>"I asked her to come here, Derek, for a patient," Richard interrupted, he didn't have time to referee the separated spouses.</p>
      <p>"And no one bothered to let me know?" He asked, still seething.</p>
      <p>"I tried to call you, Derek," she spat back at him, "it's not my fault you won't answer the phone."</p>
      <p>Richard spoke up, "I don't have time for this, I need to get to the paediatric ward, sort this among yourselves. Addison, meet me up there when you're done."</p>
      <p>"She can go with you now," Derek stated, "I have nothing to say to her," he turned to walk out the room, he needed to go calm down.</p>
      <p>He leant against the wall outside Richard's office, watching as the Chief and his soon-to-be ex-wife headed to the elevator. As they got in the elevator, he heard his phone chime in his pocket. He took it out and read the message from Meredith. <em>Food. She needed food.</em> His anger dissipated and he headed to the stairs, making his way to the cafeteria.</p>
      <p>He grabbed a sandwich he'd seen her eating before, chicken salad, and a bottle of water, trying to be as quick as he could. She probably hadn't eaten since they'd had a coffee together that morning before her surgery. He paid for them both and made his way up to the paediatric unit, not entirely sure why she'd be up there but happy to see her, nonetheless.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>About five minutes passed and she heard a soft knock against the glass of the window, she turned from where she sat in the chair, expecting to see Derek stood there. She was wrong. Richard Webber. She sighed in slight annoyance as she hadn't had the chance to even speak to him about Lexie yet. But she needed to talk to him. He knew her history with Zola and had clearly come to see her out of concern.</p>
      <p>She stood up out of the chair and went to stand outside with Richard, closing the door to the room behind her. She leaned against the wall beside her room and looked to Richard, "Hey."</p>
      <p>"Alex told me what's going on, Meredith," he said with a soft sigh, "You need to be careful."</p>
      <p>"I know, but it's a bit too late to not get attached now, isn't it?" She said to him, a pained expression on her face, "I just wish I'd been there for her sooner."</p>
      <p>Richard placed a hand on her shoulder, "I know, Meredith, I know," he stood there beside her for a moment.</p>
      <p>"This doesn't mean I've forgiven you, by the way," she eyed him carefully, "I had a whole speech planned to give you," she laughed a little. It all seemed so irrelevant now.</p>
      <p>He looked at her in slight confusion and his hand fell from her shoulder, "Forgiven me for what?"</p>
      <p>She rolled her eyes at him, "Lexie," the look in his eyes made it obvious she'd caught him, "You knew she was coming! A heads up would've been nice you know, like, 'Oh by the way Meredith, your half-sister that you've never met is joining us to start a fellowship'!"</p>
      <p>"I know, I'm sorry, Meredith, honestly I was going to tell you, and by the time I had time to speak to you when you weren't also busy she was here already," he looked at her, "And I wasn't 100% sure it was even her."</p>
      <p>She shrugged at him and turned her gaze back to watch Zola through the glass as she slept, "It's done now," she said softly, "I need to help Zola. I have to do something."</p>
      <p>"You'll figure it out, Meredith, you always do," he smiled as he also looked to Zola. He'd watched Meredith grow up; become the person she is today. He knew she had it in her. He knew she'd do everything in her power to keep that girl safe.</p>
      <p>At the sound of someone coming down the hallway, they both looked up. Derek was coming towards them. Richard spoke first, "Derek now is not the time, I am not having that conversation with you here, you need to sort it out between yourselves."</p>
      <p>Meredith furrowed her brow in confusion, what was he on about? She looked to Derek for some sort of explanation.</p>
      <p>"Alex, he asked me to pass these to you, Mer- Dr. Grey," he said to her with a smile as he passed her the sandwich and water, and then turned to Richard, "I know, it's fine, I was just leaving when Alex found me," she knew he was lying through his teeth, but she was the one who didn't want people to know yet.</p>
      <p>"Oh, uhm, thanks, Dr Shepherd," she said as she took them from him, "I'm just going to go back in," she said, eying Derek suspiciously before she went back inside the room, returning to her perch in the chair beside Zola's bed. She had definitely missed something there, but she didn't dwell on it. She had more important things to think about.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>She awoke to the sound of Zola's voice, "MerMer!" Her eyes blinked a few times as they focused, and she suddenly became aware of her surroundings as events from the previous night flooded into her conscious. She was also aware of a blanket covering her that wasn't there last night.</p>
      <p>"Good morning, Miss Zola," she greeted the girl with a soft grin and held her hand out to her, which Zola held in both of hers tight, "How did you sleep?"</p>
      <p>Zola nodded at her, "I sleep good," she confirmed with a wide grin, "Dr Alex said to wake you up!"</p>
      <p>"Oh, did he now?" Meredith responded with a small laugh, "I'd better go see what Dr Alex wants then, hadn't I?"</p>
      <p>She watched as Zola's brow furrowed and the girl kept a tight hold on her, "No, stay," she pouted, and Meredith moved to sit on the bed beside her, pulling her into a hug on her lap.</p>
      <p>"Let me just check here then," she kept a hold of Zola as she reached for the tablet that had been left on the table next to her bed. She pulled up Zola's chart and had a quick read through the notes to see how bad the malnutrition was, "Well, it says here that you need some breakfast, ZoZo, so we'd better go find Dr Alex together," she set the tablet back down on the table.</p>
      <p>Zola nodded enthusiastically, clinging onto Meredith as she stood with her. Meredith held Zola on her hip with one arm, using her free hand to bring along the IV pole that was attached to Zola. Her head buried into Meredith's shoulder as they left the room, and it didn't take long for them to find Alex who was stood at one of the nurses' stations.</p>
      <p>Meredith set Zola down on the desk, keeping hold of her to keep her steady, "Look who we found, Zola," she encouraged her to look up, and Zola's grinned with glee at who she saw.</p>
      <p>"Dr Alex!" She said with a giggle, "Look I woke up MerMer!"</p>
      <p>Alex laughed in response, "Hey, I can see that," he gently ruffled the top of her head, earning a laugh from the small girl, "We need to get back to your room though, Zo, it's almost time for breakfast."</p>
      <p>Zola nodded in response as Meredith picked her back up again, ignoring the looks from various residents and the odd nurse. Alex took hold of the IV pole as they walked back, and Meredith held Zola close. Alex spoke at a lower volume to Meredith, "We need to talk," she looked at him slightly panicked, "Oh, it's not about Zola."</p>
      <p>She looked at him, confused, as they made it back to Zola's room and she set Zola down on the bed. Meredith tucked the girl back under the blanket as Alex put the IV pole back. "I'll be right back, okay?"</p>
      <p>Zola looked up at her with big eyes, "Promise?"</p>
      <p>Meredith smiled back at her, "I promise, Zo." She left the room with Alex and stood just outside the door, in the window so that Zola could see her, "What is it Alex?"</p>
      <p>"Well first of all, Zola is clinging on to you for dear life," he said with a small laugh, "but that's not what I needed to talk to you about. And you didn't hear this from me, okay?" She nodded, still confused, "You're still seeing Derek, right?"</p>
      <p>Now she was bewildered, "Yeah, Alex, why?"</p>
      <p>She watched him as he dragged his hand down his face with a sigh, "Mer, he's married."</p>
      <p>"Yeah, Alex, I know, they're separated. As in, waiting for her to sign the divorce papers separated," she looked at him curiously, "How did you know?"</p>
      <p>"She's here, Mer, she's working with Robbins on a case," he said to her, rather bluntly.</p>
      <p>Recognition dawned on her. So <em>that's</em> what Richard was talking to him about. But why hadn't he told her? She needed to speak to him, but she couldn't leave to go running around after him right now, he'd have to come find her, "Seriously?" she said to Alex when she realised he was waiting for her to say something.</p>
      <p>"Yeah, she's walking around the maternity unit now with Arizona, and then they're headed up here after Webber's meeting. She's tall, red-head, you can't miss her," he told her, "I don't know if she knows about you, I got all this from Robbins and a two minute introduction with the woman."</p>
      <p>"Okay, well I'm not going anywhere, whether she knows about me or not," Meredith huffed "but if you see Derek before me, tell him to come find me."</p>
      <p>Alex nodded and gave her a quick hug, "I'll go get Zola's breakfast before this meeting with Richard."</p>
      <p>Meredith headed back inside to sit with Zola, who proceeded to spend the next fifteen minutes talking her ear off, but Meredith wouldn't have it any other way, even if half of it didn't make sense.</p>
      <p>She knew without a doubt, she needed to be Zola's mother.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Derek hadn't gone home that night. After seeing Meredith stood in the hallway, eyes slightly red, he knew he had to stay. Even if she didn't need him there. All he'd wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her close, but he couldn't do that with Richard standing there and Addison roaming the hospital.</p>
      <p>He groaned at a slight pain in his back as he woke up on the couch in his office and he slowly moved into a sitting position, grabbing his phone. She hadn't messaged him yet and it was 07:30, almost time for rounds, and consults, and surgery. He needed to talk to Meredith, he needed to explain before she heard it from someone else or worse, saw Addison and found out who she was for herself.</p>
      <p>He put his phone down and went to the attendings lounge just to grab a fresh pair of scrubs and a cup of coffee, taking both back to his office to change. He threw on his white lab coat and clipped his ID badge on, quickly drinking down the coffee and picking his phone back up before he headed out.</p>
      <p>Just as he reached the elevator, his phone pinged with a reminder. <em>Leadership meeting, Conference Room B in ten minutes</em>. He groaned softly to himself and hit the button for second floor. That definitely put a kink in his plans, he'd have to go to that first.</p>
      <p>Entering the conference room, he made a beeline for the back wall and leant back against it, watching as everyone else filled the room. He saw Pierce, Karev and Kepner come in, followed by Link who stood beside him, giving him a nod which he returned. The time was getting closer to eight and he still hadn't seen her come in yet. She normally stood close to him during these things. Richard entered the room with Arizona and Addison, and after a quick scan of the room closed the door behind him.</p>
      <p>"Thank you for coming, everyone. I appreciate you taking the time this morning to be here," Richard began. "Just a few things I wanted to mention, first of all we have Dr Addison Montgomery-Shepherd joining us for the next week from New York to help on the Hartley case with Dr Robbins. I want you all to make her feel welcome," as he said her name, Addison stepped forward with a small wave and a smile, he refused to look at her and kept his focus on Richard who continued on with the meeting.</p>
      <p>After all relevant pieces of business had been discussed, Richard concluded the meeting, "Dr Grey will not be available today, any and all General Surgery enquiries are to be directed to Dr Bailey in her absence. Have a good day people," he smiled at everyone before leaving the room, and he heard people muttering among themselves.</p>
      <p>He wasn't one to listen in to hospital gossip, but when he heard the name Meredith escape Maggie's lips, and a quick nod from Karev, he couldn't help but be intrigued. His thoughts were broken as he noticed Addison try and make her way over to him, at which point he made his way to the door and left the room, with her following close behind him. She grabbed at his arm, "Derek, would you just stop for one moment."</p>
      <p>He turned round to look at her, "No, Addison, I have work to do. You can sign the divorce papers and give them back to your lawyer, there's no conversation to be had here."</p>
      <p>He turned to walk away, but not before he heard her, "I know you've been seeing someone."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <em>I hear you say, look up child.</em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <strong>Look Up Child – Lauren Diagle</strong>
      </p>
    </div>
  </div>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Young Blood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>The bittersweet between my teeth, trying to find the in-betweens</em>
</p><hr/><p>"C'mon Zo, just a few more and then we can stop," Meredith's heart broke as she tried to get Zola to eat more of the food Alex had left for her. If she ever found the people who'd hurt her, she'd probably end up killing them. Zola let Meredith feed her a few more spoonfuls, and Meredith sighed in defeat, setting the jar down on the table. She's managed to feed her just over a half of the baby food, which was better than nothing.</p><p>Meredith grabbed a wipe from next to the bed and used it to clean around Zola's mouth, with slight protest from the young girl. According to Alex she'd been awake since half six that morning, possibly earlier, so she may start to become fatigued soon. She hoped that's what this was and nothing more serious.</p><p>She looked up as she heard a knock on the door, Arizona Robbins. Zola perked you as she recognised her, "'Zona!" She exclaimed, making Meredith laugh, and Zola reached for the doctor who'd been here when she was first admitted to the hospital.</p><p>"Well hello to you too, little Miss Zola! Haven't you grown!" Arizona responded to the four-year-old as she went to embrace her.</p><p>Meredith didn't miss the red head who stood by the doorway, who she presumed to be Addison. She kept her attention on the interaction between Zola and Arizona, "She's got her own fan club, now," Meredith said, rolling her eyes with a small laugh.</p><p>"And rightly so! I just wanted to come by and say hi, and since you weren't at the meeting introduce you to Dr Montgomery-Shepherd, Meredith," Arizona explained, Addison, this is Dr Meredith Grey, head of General Surgery," she introduced them.</p><p>Meredith then turned and shook the other woman's hand as Addison stepped closer, "Nice to meet you."</p><p>"Same to you," Addison responded, none the wiser about Meredith's relationship with Derek, "and who is this?" She referenced to Zola.</p><p>"This is Zola, she's going to be staying with us for a while, aren't you, Princess?" Arizona explained.</p><p>Zola clung a little tighter to Meredith at the introduction of the stranger and went quiet, and hid her head in Meredith's shoulder, "I think it's about time for a little sleep," Meredith suggested.</p><p>Arizona nodded in agreement, "Sleep tight, Zola. I'll come see you later," she said as she rested her hand against Zola's shoulder a moment and then looked to Meredith, "We'll get Neuro in here later today to check her over, and we'll go from there."</p><p>Meredith nodded, "Thanks, Arizona," she kept hold of the child in her arms as Robbins left the room with Addison, and she released the breath she was holding once Addison was gone. During the brief interaction, Zola had fallen asleep. Meredith moved her under the blankets on the bed and reluctantly let go of her. She needed to speak to Maggie.</p><p>She grabbed her phone out of her bag and stepped outside the room, dialling Maggie's number. She picked up after a few rings, "Hey, Meredith, I'm just on my way up to see you."</p><p>"Oh, right, she's just gone to sleep, just wanted to keep you in the loop," Meredith said with a small laugh.</p><p>"It's okay, Alex called me last night and updated me this morning, are you okay?" She heard the compassion in her sister's voice.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm just so angry," she said with a sigh, "Theres not much I can do now though. I do need to go and get a shower though, and a change of clothes. I'll just put on some scrubs for now."</p><p>"Okay, I'll go home later and fetch you a bag of things in," Maggie offered.</p><p>"Thanks, Mags, that'd be great, I'm gonna go shower now before she wakes, speak soon," her sister said her goodbyes and the call ended. Meredith took one last look at Zola before heading down to the locker room to get a shower and change into some clean scrubs.</p><hr/><p>Derek didn't stick around to hear whatever Addison had to say next. He wasn't the guilty one. He wasn't the one who'd cheated. He made his way to neurology, already behind on rounds. When he got there, he caught up with the group of residents as they were rounding on his patients finding Lexie with them. He stood to one side in the room and watched as Edwards presented, his mind not completely there.</p><p>Shortly after, the residents emptied the room and he followed suit, catching up with Lexie before they went to see the next patient, "Dr Grey, are you good to continue without me for now? There's somewhere I need to be."</p><p>"Of course, Dr Shepherd," she replied with a nod, "Quick question, you don't know where I'd find Dr Meredith Grey?"</p><p>He eyed her with slight caution before responding, "She won't be available today, page Dr Bailey if you need general. Page me if there's anything you can't handle."</p><p>Lexie nodded, "Yeah, okay, thanks," she sensed a hint of protectiveness in his tone but didn't push any further.</p><p>Derek nodded and made his way back to his office. On his way down the hallway, he looked through the door into Meredith's office and had to do a double take when he saw her standing there. He knocked against the door and watched as she looked up, seeing him, and her eyes softened for a slight moment as he opened the door, closing it behind him.</p><p>"Derek I can't do this right now," she said with her arms crossed at her chest, her gaze fixed to the floor as she leant back against her desk.</p><p>He stepped closer to her, "Do what, Meredith?" He questioned, not totally sure why she seemed upset with him.</p><p>Her hand went up between them to stop him moving any closer to her, "Why didn't you tell me she was coming here?"</p><p>Realisation dawned on him. She thought he'd chosen not to tell her about Addison's arrival, "Meredith, it's not," he managed to say before she cut him off.</p><p>She turned away from him as she spoke, "No, I don't want to hear it. I don't have time for these <em>games.</em> I still haven't even begun to address the whole Lexie situation, and there's a sick girl here who <em>needs</em> me. I've done enough damage as it is," she didn't realise she was crying again until she felt his arms wrap around her and hold her close to him.</p><p>"Shh," he murdered softly against her hair as he held her, "I'm not playing any games with you, Meredith. I didn't know she was coming here, I honestly didn't," she looked up at him and he gently wiped tears of her cheeks with his thumb, "and then she was here and I wanted to tell you, but Richard was stood there. I came back to see you, but you'd already fallen asleep and I couldn't wake you," he pressed a kiss against her forehead, "Tell me, what can I do? How can I help?"</p><p>"We need to talk more, but not now, I have to get back," she glanced at the clock on the wall, unsure how long Zola would be asleep for, she looked back to Derek, "She needs a Neuro consult, can you come up around lunch? I don't want to chance Lexie being assigned to her, I need you."</p><p>Derek nodded, "Of course I can, Meredith," he pressed a soft kiss against her lips which she reciprocated, and her hands moved to tangle in his hair gently.</p><p>She pulled her lips back after a moment and he rested his forehead against hers, "I need to go," she said in a whisper.</p><p>He held her close a moment longer, "Go on, I'll see you later," he said as he released his hold on her. He watched as she headed to the door, giving him a small smile before she left him alone in her office. He needed to get those papers signed.</p><hr/><p>On her way back to Zola's room, she ran into Alex, "I thought you weren't working today, Mer?" he asked as he saw her in her scrubs.</p><p>Meredith shook her head, "No, I just ran out of spare clothes, Maggie is bringing me some things later on," she explained to him.</p><p>Alex nodded in understanding, "Okay, Mer. Just make sure you're looking after yourself. You don't need to spend every minute with her," he said. He'd seen her get hurt before. Spend every minute she could being there for Zola, just to be crushed when she'd had to go. "I've just been in and she's still sleeping," he assured her, sensing her anxiety at being away, "I'm gonna keep her on the baby food for a few days, and if all goes well, we'll get her back on solids."</p><p>Meredith nodded in understanding, "Anything from social services?"</p><p>"They called this morning for an update," he explained, "I told them she'd have to stay in for at least a week, and then they're going to try and find a new placement for her," he said with a frown.</p><p>Meredith looked up at her friend, "I think I'm ready. I can't let her go again, Alex."</p><p>"Do what's best for you, Meredith," is all he had to say, giving her a quick hug, "I'll ask Neuro to come and check her over when she's awake."</p><p>"I may have already asked Derek to come up," she told him with a small shrug.</p><p>Alex sighed and pulled back from her, "Be careful, Mer."</p><hr/><p>Derek made his way to the paediatric ward for his consult. He held a tablet in his hand, reading over Zola's chart as he walked, she'd had a shunt put in at 6-months old, followed by a hernia repair. He'd have to get scans to check everything over, make sure there was no malfunction. He lowered the tablet and looked in awe as he stood in the doorway to Zola's room.</p><p>Meredith sat on the bed, Zola in her lap, as she had a book open in front of them, reading to her in a quiet voice as Zola followed along with the pictures. He knocked gently on the open door, to get Meredith's attention. She looked up and smiled as she saw him, then looked to the girl in her arms, "Hey Zola, I want you to meet someone. This is Dr Derek."</p><p>Derek approached them both, smiling at Zola, "Hey there, Zola," he said as she looked at him inquisitively and then back up at Meredith.</p><p>"It's okay, Zo, he's a doctor, he's here to help you feel better," Meredith reassured her with a smile.</p><p>Derek sat on the bed in front of them, "Can I check your head?" He asked the girl. After a moment of hesitation, Zola moved out of Meredith's lap and moved closer to Derek.</p><p>She sat between Derek and Meredith on the bed and raised her hand to her head, "Hurts," she told him with a frown.</p><p>"Let's have a look then, shall we?" he said as he began her neuro check. Zola warmed to him quickly, interacting with him. He laughed softly as Zola wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug which he returned, and he looked to Meredith who was watching them closely, "I need to order a scan just to check, but I think there might be a slight malfunction with her shunt, it's a quick surgery."</p><p>Meredith nodded in understanding, "When can you do it?" she asked.</p><p>"We'll get the scans done this afternoon, and I can do it in the morning," he said as Zola returned to Meredith.</p><p>"Mer, book," she laughed as Zola reached for the book in her hand. She pulled Zola back into her lap, carefully, and opened the book in front of her.</p><p>Derek stood of the bed, a placed his hand on Meredith's shoulder a moment, "I'll go let Karev know," she nodded to him before continuing to read the book with Zola.</p><p>Derek left the room and met with Karev who was stood waiting for an update. He updated him and ordered the tests for Zola, then stood beside Alex as they watched Meredith with Zola.</p><p>Alex spoke first, "Meredith loves that little girl, after everything she's been through," Alex sighed and looked to Derek, "She deserves to be happy, and I swear, you'd best not ruin that for her," he warned before walking away.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Fall back in love eventually.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Young Blood - Birdy.</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Back Where I Was</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="xcontrast">
  <p></p>
  <div>
    <p></p>
    <div>
      <p>
        <em>I did what I did, because you loved me.</em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Derek's assumption was correct, he realised as he looked over the scans in front of him. Zola's shunt had malfunctioned and there was a build up of cerebrospinal fluid, meaning he'd have to go in surgically in the morning to drain the fluid and correct the shunt. He checked the time on his watch, it was getting late.</p>
      <p>He looked up through the glass widow in front of him, watching as Meredith lifted Zola into her arms. Her arms held Zola close, with Zola perched om her hip as she comforted her. As Zola fell asleep, her head rested against Meredith's shoulder. He'd always wanted a family. Every time he'd brought it up with Addison, she'd just shoot him down, claiming they had time, and it could wait. Did he want to wait? But he'd also thought a lot about what Karev had said to him hours earlier. Meredith and her happiness had to come first.</p>
      <p>His eyes were fixated on Meredith as she lay the sleeping child in the bed and tucked her in. Feeling his eyes on her, she turned to look at him once Zola was settled and soundly asleep. She left the room, pulling the door behind her and leaving it slightly ajar.</p>
      <p>"Hey," she said to him with a small smile, leaning against the window, "Did you have a look over the scans?"</p>
      <p>He nodded in response, "It's what I expected, I've scheduled her surgery for 9am tomorrow morning."</p>
      <p>She took a deep breath and nodded in understanding, and then stretched her neck by tilting her head side to side, "We should probably use this time to talk, if you're free?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah, my shift is over, so I've got time," he said to her with a smile. He wanted to reach out and grab her hand, but he knew that he shouldn't.</p>
      <p>She turned and led him into the nearby on-call room, not wanting to be too far from Zola's room. He closed and locked the door behind him, not wanting them to be interrupted. She sat on the bed in the room, her back against the wall, and he sat beside her in the same manner. Her eyes closed as her head tilted back against the wall, her hand rested between them on the mattress and he took it in his own with a gentle squeeze.</p>
      <p>"She came to the hospital in my fourth year of residency," Meredith began, keeping her eyes closed, "Alex set up the exchange programme with a clinic in Malawi, and she came to us with the spina bifida. I was allocated to her case, back when I was still stuck between general and neuro. The first day, I picked her up and she was crying, and then she stopped. I looked down at her and I just felt this instant connection," she turned to look at Derek, tears in her eyes, "But I was just a resident, and I was alone, I couldn't look after her, not like she deserved. After her surgery, they couldn't take her back, and she ended up staying with us a while longer before going into foster care. The second time she came in, Alex said they couldn't calm her, she was scared and then he called me up, and I sat with her and instantly you could tell she was better. It killed me knowing I couldn't help her. She always had follow-ups with us, they always called me when she came in, and the last time she came in, about ten months ago, she had to be assessed before her most recent placement. She almost didn't go, she wouldn't let go of me," she said with a soft laugh, "but she had to go. Last time, I almost went to file to adopt her, but my mom was getting sicker, and I'd just got this job," she sighed softly and pulled her hand from his to wipe the tears from her face, "I can't let her go back into the system again."</p>
      <p>Derek listened carefully to every word, studying her closely, "You want to keep her this time?" He asked in a soft voice.</p>
      <p>She nodded, "I'm going to do everything in my power. If I let her go again, I might never see her again, and I know that would be my biggest regret. I already regret being a coward and not fighting for her from the start," she said, looking down at her hand in her lap as she pulled at her fingers slightly, "and then this happens and she wouldn't have had to go through this if I'd just fought for her."</p>
      <p>His arms wrapped around her, as much as he knew he shouldn't right now, and he pulled her close to him, "You had your reasons, Meredith, this is not your fault," he said as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.</p>
      <p>"I'm still in this with you Derek, I am, if you still are. She has to come first though, this time, Zola has to come first," she said as she rested her head against his shoulder, her eyes closed, and she released a soft sigh.</p>
      <p>Derek didn't know what to say. They sat there in a comfortable silence as he held her, and she could feel herself starting to drop off to sleep. Derek felt her body relax in his hold and he gently adjusted her position so that she was lay on the bed with her head in his lap, his hand stroking up and down her arm, "Get some sleep, Meredith."</p>
      <p>Around half an hour must have passed when he checked his watch, realising he had to get going. He needed to go and speak to Addison. He looked down at Meredith as she slept with her head in his lap, a feeling of guilt washing over him at having to leave her here. He gently moved himself from underneath him and put a blanket over her sleeping body, before getting up and turning the light off as he left the room.</p>
      <p>He had to do this. He pulled out his phone as he headed down the hallway and dialled her number. She answered after a couple rings, "Meet me in the bar across the road, let's talk."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Meredith woke in the dark room, alone. She didn't remember falling asleep. After a moment to adjust herself to her surroundings, she realised it was her phone that was ringing. She saw Alex's name on the screen and answered the call, "Mer, where are you? Zola's asking for you.</p>
      <p>"Crap. I fell asleep, I'm on my way," she said, hanging up the phone and checking the time. <em>06:30</em>. She jumped out the bed and made it to Zola's room as quickly as she could.</p>
      <p>Her heart broke when she saw Zola sat up in the bed, crying for Meredith, Alex trying to comfort her. She went over and took her in her arms as Zola clung to her scrub top, "I'm here, ZoZo, I'm here," she tried to comfort the small child and Alex let them be alone.</p>
      <p>"You gone," Zola mumbled between sobs, Meredith held her closer and rubbed her hand over her back in an attempt to soothe her. Zola starting to calm down as Meredith rocked her back and forth gently.</p>
      <p>Meredith looked down at Zola in her arms, wiping the tears from her cheeks, "I'll always come back, Zo. Always," she promised the little girl, "Time to sleep," she stood up off the bed, holding Zola in her arms and walked back and forth in gentle movements to help lull Zola back to sleep, singing a soft lullaby. She sat on the hospital bed, keeping her hold on Zola as she slept and Alex returned to the room, sitting on the chair beside the bed.</p>
      <p>"Have you decided what you're gonna do?" he asked her in a quiet voice, to make sure Zola stayed asleep.</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded, her chin resting against the top of Zola's head, "I'm going to call Janet during Zola's surgery, get the ball rolling. I'm going to adopt her," she said with certainty.</p>
      <p>Alex looked at them both with a wide grin, "I'm happy for you, Mer. You deserve this, you both do," he stood up and ruffled Meredith's hair as she laughed softly, "I'll come check in before Zo's surgery."</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded, "Thanks, Alex," she said to him as he left the room, turning out the light.</p>
      <p>Soon after, she was being woken by the paediatric nurse who had come in to start the preparations for Zola's surgery. Her hand ran up and down Zola's back as she began to wake her up, talking in a hushed voice, "Come on, Zo, time to wake up."</p>
      <p>Zola looked up at Meredith as she began to wake, blinking a few times before shaking her head and burying herself back into Meredith's chest, "No, MerMer," she mumbled.</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed softly and pressed a soft kiss to the top of Zola's head, "Come on, it's almost time for Dr Derek to make you feel better," Zola head snapped up when she heard Derek's name being mentioned, causing Meredith to laugh again.</p>
      <p>Derek walked in the room moments later, finding Meredith and Zola sat together, laughing with each other. He knocked on the door as he grinned at them, his smile not quite reaching his eyes, "Am I interrupting?"</p>
      <p>Meredith shook her head and Zola climbed off her lap, allowing her to stand up off the bed. She helped Zola as she lay in the bed, and Zola help on to Meredith's hand tight, "Time to go, Zola," she said, using her other hand to gently touch the side of Zola's head.</p>
      <p>"You come too?" she asked Meredith, refusing to let go of her hand.</p>
      <p>Meredith looked up to Derek, who gave a small nod, and then she looked back to Zola, "I'll come with you, don't worry."</p>
      <p>She looked up again as Karev and Robbins walked into the room to see Zola, Addison followed in behind them and stood at the back of the room, out of the way. Her two friends began interacting with Zola, but she didn't hear what they were saying. Meredith was more focused on the silent conversation happening between Derek and Addison as he moved closer to where she was stood. The hand on Derek's arm just about confirmed her suspicions. She looked down as her heart sank. She felt her hand being pulled and looked to Zola who was grinning at her, and she pressed a soft kiss to Zola's forehead, "Let's go," she said, taking a deep breath. If anyone noticed the shift in Meredith's mood, they didn't say anything.</p>
      <p>Her focused remained on Zola, almost as if to keep her grounded as they made their way to the operating room. Before entering the room, Meredith was handed a gown, gloves and scrub cap to put on, which she did. She went in with Zola and help her on to the operating table before sitting at the top of the table, placing her hands either side of Zola's head, looking down at her.</p>
      <p>"You're going to sleep for a little bit now, baby girl, okay? I'll be right here," she said softly, leaning down to kiss the top of Zola's head before the anaesthesiologist started putting her to sleep, "I love you," she murmured softly. She could feel Derek's presence as he entered the room but kept her eyes on the girl in front of her.</p>
      <p>She felt a hand on her shoulder as he spoke softly, "Meredith…"</p>
      <p>She shrugged her shoulder for him to drop his hand and kept her eyes on Zola as she spoke quietly, "You're staying with Addison," she said matter-of-factly. He didn't say anything. His silence confirmed what she'd said. She looked up and reluctantly stood, pulling her hands away, she looked to him a moment, speaking again, "Just look after my daughter," she gestured between herself and Derek, "I'm out of this." Derek stood there, still speechless as he watched Meredith tear the gloves and gown off as she left the room. This is not how he wanted her to find out. Not at all.</p>
      <p>She couldn't help the tears falling from her eyes as she made her way straight to her office, locking the door behind her quickly before she started sobbing right there in the hallway. She slid her back down the door and hugged her knees as the sobs tore through her. She let herself cry for a moment more before gathering herself. She couldn't do this. She couldn't break down. She had things to do. She needed to distract herself and she needed to be ready for when Zola came out of surgery.</p>
      <p>She wiped at her face and stood up, grabbing the bag Maggie had left for her and took a deep breath before heading to the attendings' locker room to take a shower. Before she did, she sent a quick message to Maggie. <em>Zola's in surgery, Derek is staying with Addison.</em> She grabbed the things she'd need and took her shower.</p>
      <p>Her phone rang as she made her way back to her office, ready to make the phone call to Janet, Maggie was calling. "Hey Maggie, what's up?"</p>
      <p>"Are you okay, Mer?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah, I'm just, I have to make a phone call. I'm taking custody of her, I need to do this, Maggie."</p>
      <p>She heard the smile in her sister's voice, "Okay, let me know what she says, and I'll come get you when they're about to bring her out of surgery."</p>
      <p>"Thanks, Maggie," she ended the call with her sister as she entered her office and dialled Alex's number, "Hey, Alex, have you got Janet's number?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah, just give me a second, Mer," she heard him rustling around in the background and she sat at her desk, ready with a pen and bit of paper, "Here," he said and gave her the number for Janet, Zola's social worker.</p>
      <p>"Thanks, Alex. I'm going to make this call and then go wait for Zola," she told him.</p>
      <p>"Good luck," he said before the call cut.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <em>And before I knew it, I was back where I was.</em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <strong>Back Where I Was – The Hereafter </strong>
      </p>
    </div>
  </div>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. White Horse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell.</em>
</p><hr/><p>"<em><strong>You think true love is the only thing that can crush your heart. The thing that will take your life and light it up. Or destroy it. Then, you become a mother."</strong></em></p><hr/><p>Meredith was practically camped out in front of the OR board and had been for the past hour after getting off the phone with Janet. They'd arranged for Janet to come by the hospital that evening to go over the initial paperwork. Now, she was waiting for Zola to come out of surgery, which should be any minute now. She should've got something to eat, but nothing seemed appetising and her stomach was in knots.</p><p>She looked up as the doors opened and Alex walked through, "How is she? Is everything okay?"</p><p>Alex placed his hands on her shoulders, "Meredith she's fine, they just finished up and they're taking her to the PICU now," his arms pulled her into a hug as her head tilted forward against his shoulder and she relaxed, the tension from worrying about Zola washing off her.</p><p>She pulled back with a sigh and looked up at her friend, "Alex I'm going to tell you something, and you need to not overreact, or get angry or anything, okay?" He nodded for her to continue, "He's staying with Addison."</p><p>She watched as she saw the anger build up in him, and he took a deep breath and then he looked at her, "I'm sorry, Mer. And I won't say anything for your sake, but just so you know, I wanna hit him so bad."</p><p>Meredith laughed softly, "It's fine, I'm fine, I have to focus on Zola right now. The social worker is coming by this evening with paperwork, she sounded positive."</p><p>"That's good! That's really good, Mer. Let's go see her, yeah?" He put an arm around Meredith and squeezed gently, "God knows if she wakes up without you there, she won't be happy."</p><p>Meredith laughed again and walked with Alex as they made their way to the PICU, "You've got that right."</p><hr/><p>After making sure Zola had been situated in the PICU, he wrote up post-op notes for her chart, stood by the workstation opposite her temporary room. He watched as Meredith came through with Karev, as she sat in the chair beside Zola's bed and took her hand. He replayed in his head what she'd said to him not two hours earlier.</p><p>"<em>You're staying with Addison," she said, not looking up at him.</em></p><p>He hadn't said anything, he couldn't say anything. She was right. He was staying with Addison and he didn't even have the guts to tell her last night, or this morning. He could say eh was waiting util after Zola's surgery, he didn't want to put this on her when the girl who was practically her daughter was about to go into surgery. He didn't think Addison would have come into the room. He didn't think she'd have picked up on the looks between himself and Addison. The ones telling his wife to stop glaring at Meredith like she was. He could lie and said he didn't tell her right away because of Zola, but really, he was scared to say the words to her.</p><p>"<em>I'm out," she'd said before leaving the room.</em></p><p>He deserved the animosity from her. He'd pulled her along and then changed his mind at the last minute. He hadn't even explained himself. Just stood there, silently, watching the hurt on her face. He didn't know how to explain himself. He was doing this for her benefit, right? She deserved happiness and he would make it all complicated. Addison would make it all complicated. He had to let Addison have her so that it wouldn't be complicated. His mind wandered as he thought back to the previous night.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>He walked into Joe's and grabbed a drink from the bar. His usual drink. He made his way to the back of the room where he saw Addison waiting for him, nursing her own drink. He sat down across from her, "You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She shook her head, "We can't just throw away eleven years of marriage, Derek."</em>
</p><p>"<em>You should've thought of that before you got into our bed with Mark Sloan," he retorted, taking a drink.</em></p><p>"<em>I made a mistake, Derek, how many times do I have to apologise?" she looked up at him earnestly.</em></p><p>"<em>Our marriage was dying before then, anyway, Addison. You can't deny that," he said, looking back at her.</em></p><p>"<em>Well then maybe we just need help. Couples counselling," she shrugged, taking a sip.</em></p><p>
  <em>Derek thought for a moment, staring into his drink, "I'm not leaving Seattle, I'm not going back to New York."</em>
</p><p>"<em>I get that you have to work the contract you signed with Webber…"</em></p><p>"<em>No, Addison. It's not about the job," he looked up at her with sadness in his eyes, "I have my land here, I've started making a life here and I feel better here. I'm not about to throw that progress away."</em></p><p>"<em>And what about me, Derek? What am I supposed to do?"</em></p><p>
  <em>He shrugged in response, "If you want to make it work so badly, make it work. Show me you'll at least try and compromise."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She sighed and finished off her drink, "Fine. We'll talk about it. I just want to know, who is she? And don't deny there being anyone because I know there is."</em>
</p><p>"<em>She doesn't need any part in this," he shook his head, he wasn't about to throw Meredith in the deep end, he was already breaking his word to her.</em></p><p>
  <em>Addison groaned, rolling her eyes at him, "If you don't tell me now, you know I'll find out eventually."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She had a point, "None of this goes further than this, okay? No one actually knew we were together and like I said, she doesn't need any part of this, she has enough on her plate," it probably was better just coming from him, he'd speak to Meredith the next chance he had, after Zola had been in surgery. He downed the remainder of his drink before he spoke, "Meredith Grey."</em>
</p><hr/><p>Zola had woken briefly before going back to sleep, and Meredith refused to leave her side. People had to come to her. And they did. Bailey came in first, to go over her service while Zola was sleeping. They sat together for around an hour while Bailey updated her on her patients and any next steps that were being taken. She brought her up to speed on new cases that had come in and asked for her input on treatment plans.</p><p>Shortly after Bailey left, Maggie came by to see her. She was relieved to see Maggie, and not just because of the coffee she'd brought her. Her sister passed her the coffee and quietly pulled up a chair beside Meredith as she spoke, "So, am I going to be an auntie?"</p><p>Meredith laughed softly, with a nod, "I really hope so, Mags. Janet, Zola's social worker is coming by later on with paperwork and to go through it all with me. It's going to be a long road, but it'll be so worth it," she grinned and took a sip of her coffee, her eyes on Zola as she spoke.</p><p>Maggie took her sister's hand and squeezed gently, "Well, I'm here for you, Mer. Anything you need, anything I can do to help, just let me know."</p><p>She turned to her sister with a smile and squeezed her hand back, "Thanks, Maggie," something made Meredith look up and she could see just down the hall from where she was sat. She could see Derek making his way through to Zola's room, having just been stopped for a moment by one of his residents.</p><p>Maggie followed Meredith's gaze as she saw the expression on her sister's face, "I can stay if you need to not be here," she offered. Meredith's text earlier in the day meant she knew what had recently happened between the two. She looked back at her sister, who was watching Zola.</p><p>Meredith shook her head, "No, I need to stay. They'll have to try and wake her a moment to do her neuro check."</p><p>Maggie nodded with a sympathetic look on her face. She wasn't sure if she could do the same if she were in Meredith's place, "Okay, I'll stay still, though."</p><p>Meredith could feel her heart hammering against her chest as she heard his footsteps enter the room and felt his eyes on her. She spoke in a small voice, her hand holding Zola's, "You need me to wake her?" She asked, not looking at him.</p><p>He cleared his throat a little before he spoke, "Yeah, just for a few minutes, then she can go back to sleep."</p><p>Meredith nodded, she knew the protocol and wasn't about to fight it with him. Her hand squeezed Zola's and she placed her hand affectionately against the girl's cheek, "Come on, Zo, time to wake up," her thumb gently rubbed against her cheek as she watched Zola opening her eyes and taking in the faces around her. After a second, Meredith could tell she was in some kind of pain from the expression on her face and how tight Zola had grabbed her hand, "Just a few minutes and then you can go back to sleep," Meredith attempted to comfort her, "Dr Derek here just needs to check a few things, okay?"</p><p>Zola looked to Derek who had perched on the edge of her bed and gave her a warm smile, blissfully unaware of the tension between him and who she considered to be her best friend. Derek held his hands out to her, and she placed a hand in one of them, refusing to let go of Meredith's hand with her other hand.</p><p>"It's okay, I'm not going anywhere," Meredith reassured her as she moved Zola's hand into Derek's, ignoring any feeling she may have had when her hand lightly brushed against his. She immediately retreated her hands to her lap, making sure to keep her eyes on Zola as Derek continued with the exam.</p><p>"Okay," Derek said, letting go of Zola's hands, "I just need to check the back of your neck Zola," he gestured to the back of his own neck to ensure she understand what he meant. He watched as she turned to look at Meredith, who nodded back to her and moved to help her sit up a little, supporting her back with one hand and she leaned forward slightly. Again, Meredith found herself ignoring any feeling that occurred from being within close proximity of Derek, and he did the same, focusing on his assessment of Zola's incision, "Look's good, I'll ask a nurse to come in and get the bandage changed."</p><p>Meredith shook her head as she helped Zola lay back down, "No need, I'll do it in a moment."</p><p>"Right, okay then," Derek nodded, "Can I speak to you a moment, Meredith?" he asked her, taking his chance now while he still could.</p><p>Maggie stood up at this point, clearing her throat a little, "You can speak with me," she smiled at Derek, not wanting to give him any reason to be alone with Meredith.</p><p>Derek didn't expect this, and quickly racked his brain for something to tell Maggie in relation to Zola, because that wasn't what he wanted to speak to Meredith about, "Okay, yeah," he said, attempting to not sound fazed, and stepped just outside of the room with Maggie, holding a tablet in his hand that had Zola's chart up, "Everything looks good so far, she should be able to move out of the PICU tomorrow morning as long as everything stays on track."</p><p>Maggie watched him carefully, taking in the information, "I think you need to reassign this post-op to someone else on your team," she said bluntly.</p><p>"I don't think that's necessary, Pierce, I did her surgery, and I'd like to see her through to discharge," Derek started, clearly wanting any excuse to still see Meredith on a daily basis.</p><p>Maggie shook her head and held her hand up to stop him, "No Dr Shepherd, you don't need to. You wouldn't do this for any other patient, and like you said, everything is on track and going well. Assign post-op care to another member of your team or I will be speaking to Richard about this."</p><p>Derek had nothing to say in response to that, he didn't know that Maggie wouldn't <em>actually</em> go to Richard because that would mean telling him about Derek and Meredith's relationship, and that wasn't her business to do, she should just had to make him think that she would do it. He simply nodded, "I'll see to it," he assured her before turning around and walking out of the PICU.</p><p>When Maggie returned to Zola's room, she had already fallen back asleep and looking at her sister, she could see that she needed sleep too. She sighed softly; she knew she wouldn't be able to get Meredith to leave the room. Maggie placed a hand on Meredith's shoulder, "Get some sleep, Mer, while she's sleeping. I'll come back in a bit I have to get to surgery."</p><p>Meredith nodded and looked up at Maggie, "What did he say?"</p><p>"He said everything looks good, and she's recovering as expected. He's going to assign another member of his team to her post-op care," she didn't feel the need to explain more on the last part, about how she'd practically threatened him to get him to do it. Meredith nodded and sat back in the chair, bringing up her knees beneath her. Maggie squeezed her shoulder gently before leaving the room. One last look confirming Meredith had taken her advice and was getting some shut eye.</p><hr/><p>Meredith entered the cafeteria, eyes scanning the room for the brown-haired girl. She needed to get this meeting over and done with, rip the band aid off so to speak. Alex had told her that Lexie was taking over Zola's post-op care for the rest of her stay in the PICU, and probably until she was discharged from the hospital, and if they didn't do this now it would just make everything very awkward and Meredith just didn't have the strength left in her for that.</p><p>She spotted Lexie sat at a table in the far corner of the room, waiting for her. She headed over and sat down opposite her, "Hey, Lexie Grey, right?"</p><p>Lexie nodded, "Meredith," she said with a shy smile, "I'm so glad you asked to meet me, I wanted to do this sooner but they said you'd taken a few days out," Meredith watched curiously as Lexie started to babble a bit.</p><p>She held up her hand to stop her, "it's fine, I've just had some personal things to take care of, which is kind of why I'm here now talking to you."</p><p>Lexie nodded in understanding but had a slight confused look on her face, "How can I help?"</p><p>"You have a case that's just been assigned to you, Zola Lambini, post-op care?" Meredith asked, already knowing the answer, Lexie nodded to confirm, "She's… she's like a daughter to me. And hopefully, she will be my daughter, legally, in a few months or however long it takes."</p><p>Lexie's eyes widened slightly, "Oh, I can get someone else assigned to it I'm sure Dr Shepherd…"</p><p>Meredith cut her off, "No, no. I'm not asking you to come off the case. I just wanted to meet you now, here, before our first meeting ended up being in her hospital room."</p><p>Lexie nodded, "Okay, that's fair enough," she said, smiling at her newly found half-sister.</p><p>"Good, good," Meredith gave her sister a small smile before she continued, "So, uhm, how's Thatcher?" She asked hesitantly, not sure if she actually wanted to know the answer or even talk about him.</p><p>Lexie bit her lip; she wasn't entirely sure how to answer that question. She knew the two weren't on good terms, obviously, but he was her dad, "He's okay, I guess. It was hard on him when Mom died last year so I came back to Seattle to help him out, really."</p><p>"Good, that's good," Meredith responded, her eyes glassing over when she realised Lexie's Mom had died. She hadn't heard from Thatcher since Ellis died and didn't even know if he knew she died. She didn't ask, though, "I have to get back, I guess I'll see you later."</p><p>Lexie nodded as Meredith stood out of her chair, "I'll see you later."</p><p>Unbeknownst to Meredith, the exchange between her and her sister was being watched from afar by none other than Derek Shepherd. If she had known he was watching, she'd definitely have had some colourful words to say about that.</p><hr/><p>Zola was sleeping again when the social worker came by. Meredith stood with her at the nurses' station that overlooked Zola's room while they spoke just in case she woke up. Janet has a pile of paperwork ready for Meredith. They went through the documents page by page, and they went through the next steps in the adoption process.</p><p>Meredith would first file for temporary custody to begin once Zola was discharged, and then it would take at least three months for her to get permanent custody and finalise the adoption. Meredith voiced her concerns about adopting Zola as a single parent, but Janet eased her concerns. Meredith was a Doctor, she had her sister, Maggie, and her other close friends as a support system. Janet didn't see any reason they'd have a problem with her being a single parent. At this, Meredith felt a slight weight being eased off her shoulders. That was one of her main worries.</p><p>Janet recapped everything with Meredith one more time before leaving her with the file of paperwork, "I'll be in touch, and I'll be coming by to visit every other day to see how Zola is getting on. I'm glad you've finally decided to do this, Dr Grey."</p><p>Meredith nodded and thanked the woman before all her help before she left. She stood there for a moment, holding the folder Janet had just given her and took a deep breath. She'd wait for a few days until Zola was a little more alert, but she couldn't wait to tell her. Meredith just hoped this is what Zola wanted as well.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>White Horse - Taylor Swift</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Cosmic Love</h2></a>
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      <p>
        <em>The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out, you left me in the dark.</em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>"<em><strong>Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends, this, it could go on forever."</strong></em></p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Meredith had fallen into a comfortable routine over the past week. Knowing she couldn't stay away forever, she'd returned to working on reduced hours, taking a few surgeries here and there. Spending time while Zola slept going over admin work in the quiet of her room. She knew she couldn't be there every moment Zola was awake but managed to check in on her at regular intervals. The last thing she wanted was Zola to feel like she'd abandoned her.</p>
      <p>She'd received the call from Janet this morning. Zola was officially in Meredith's temporary custody. All she had to do now was make sure Zola was okay with that. She spent the whole day with her nerves on edge, and more than once Alex or Maggie had to reassure her that everything would be okay, everything would go okay. Reminding her that this is what Zola had already asked for in the past, there's no way she wouldn't want this.</p>
      <p>She'd pushed the Derek situation out of her mind. Locked it in a box in the back of her mind and refused to talk about it with anyone. She avoided him, and she avoided Addison. They might have been avoiding her too, but she wouldn't know about it.</p>
      <p>During a brief catch up with Richard, who still had no idea of the relationship that had conspired between Meredith and Derek, she'd heard Addison would be staying longer while Arizona was taking a leave of absence for voluntary work over in Malawi. Secretly, she'd hoped they'd leave and go back to New York, but knowing Richard he's probably locked Derek in a minimum 12-month contract without much wiggle room. The hospital always did have a problem with keeping its surgeons on.</p>
      <p>Shortly after her final surgery, she was sat in one of the small offices writing up her post-op notes when she felt the presence of someone standing in the doorway behind her. She ignored whoever it was for a moment before looking behind her, quickly turning back when she saw that it was Derek standing there. She couldn't move, she had to finish these notes before she went back to Zola's room. She spoke first, "Can I help you?"</p>
      <p>"You've been avoiding me."</p>
      <p>She rolled her eyes at his words and scoffed, "I have no reason to speak with you, or work with you, you made sure of that."</p>
      <p>"You could at least let me explain," he said, pleading with her as he closed the door behind him.</p>
      <p>She turned to look at him now, "Explain? Explain what? How, you lied to me?" She was struggling to fight back the tears of frustration in her eyes, "I <em>trusted</em> you."</p>
      <p>"Meredith," he said, looking at her with those stupid sad eyes.</p>
      <p>"No, you don't get to explain. When I met you, I thought that I'd found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So, all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cares? Because I was done," his eyes widened as she spoke, looking at him directly for the first time since before Zola's surgery, "You left me. You chose Addison," she closed the laptop in front of her and picked it up, along with her phone and various bits of paperwork, moving towards the door, "I'll be making no apologies for how I choose to repair what <em>you</em> broke."</p>
      <p>Without another word from either of them, she opened the door and left the room, leaving him stood there speechless once again. If she was being honest with herself, she hadn't truly realised how she felt for him until that moment. She didn't want to admit that she'd fallen in love with him. She didn't want to admit that she had, in fact, wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She didn't want to admit that as she sat there, in the on-call room with him, not more than a week ago, telling him about Zola, that she'd also imagined the three of them together. Not just her and Zola. She'd grown up without a father and she didn't want Zola to have to do the same. It just wasn't going to be with him.</p>
      <p>She wasn't dating. If this had happened before she'd met Zola, she'd probably be sat in Joe's drinking tequila after tequila. Probably going home with the first decent looking guy who talked to her. That wasn't an option anymore. She had to put Zola first, and for now, that meant no tequila, no boys, no drama.</p>
      <p>She walked in the room to the sound of giggling coming from Zola, which immediately put a smile on her face. Maggie was sat with her on the bed as they read a book together. Meredith just stood for a moment watching them. Zola looked up and saw her, "MerMer!"</p>
      <p>"Hey, ZoZo," she greeted the young girl, going to sit on the chair beside her bed, "Time to sleep soon." She was post-op five days now and had bounced back remarkably. Meredith still hadn't got used to how quick children bounce back from surgery.</p>
      <p>Zola nodded and reached toward Meredith. Maggie lifted her and placed her in Meredith's lap, who held her close, "Mags read story," she looked up at her, grinning.</p>
      <p>Meredith checked Zola's bandages discreetly as she spoke, "Did you enjoy the story?" This got her a nod from Zola who began babbling about the contents of the story, making Meredith laugh. "Slow down, there, baby girl," she gently pulled the hair ties out of her hair as she continued to babble, before grabbing the hairbrush off the nightstand to carefully comb the back of her hair back up and away from the bandages. She put the brush down and lifted Zola to sit her in her lap, facing her, she felt nervous all of a sudden for what she was about to say, "Zola, I want to ask you something."</p>
      <p>Zola looked up at her a little confused and her hand clung on to the front of Meredith's scrub top. Meredith smiled down at her and gently brushed a small bit of lint off Zola's cheek.</p>
      <p>"Dr Alex and Dr Lexie say you'll be all better in a few days," Meredith started, watching as Zola registered what she'd said with a frown, "and I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come stay with me?"</p>
      <p>After realising that Meredith meant she wasn't leaving Zola, and that Zola would be staying with Meredith, she jumped up to wrap her arms around Meredith's neck. Meredith laughed and held the girl close, feeling the tears brimming her eyes again, this time out of joy rather than frustration. Zola pulled back to look at her suddenly, clearly about to ask a question, "You be my Mommy?"</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed softly and nodded, Zola hugging her tight again. She held her close and whispered softly against her hair, "I'll be your Mommy, Zola." Meredith looked up to Maggie who was still sat on the bed and had tears in her eyes, she grinned at her sister, "You okay, Maggie?"</p>
      <p>Maggie nodded, wiping at her eyes and grinning back at Meredith, "I'm just really happy."</p>
      <p>"Me too, Maggie," she said and looked back down at Zola, "Me too."</p>
      <p>Their moment was broken by the sound of their phones going off simultaneously, Maggie got her phone out and checked, "Richard's calling a meeting, mandatory attendance," she said with a roll of her eyes.</p>
      <p>Meredith stood, holding Zola in her arms and thinking for a moment and shrugging slightly before speaking again, "She can come with us," she looked down at Zola who was looking at them, "You wanna come see Richard, Zo?"</p>
      <p>Zola responded with a fast nod, "We tell Richard," this got a laugh from both sisters who nodded. Now that Zola wasn't connected to any wires or IVs, it was much easier for her to move around the hospital, "Down!" Zola demanded. Meredith set her on her feet and kept hold of her hand.</p>
      <p>"Come on then, Miss Zola, let's go find everyone," she grinned down at Zola and the three of them started walking out the room in the direction of the conference room they'd been paged to which was two floors up. As they reached the elevator, Meredith lifted Zola a moment so she could reach the buttons, "Up, Zola," she told the girl and Zola pressed the upwards arrow button, watching with fascination as the button lit up. She set Zola back on her feet as the elevator doors open and the three of them stepped inside.</p>
      <p>The elevator stopped after one floor and dinged to open, Meredith kept hold of Zola's hand and Jackson walked in the elevator, grinning at Zola when he saw her, "Hey there, Zo," he said, giving her a high five as she giggled. Jackson laughed with her and turned to Maggie, "Any idea what the meeting is about?"</p>
      <p>Maggie shook her head, "Nope, we just found out about it ourselves, that's why Zola's joining us."</p>
      <p>A moment later, the elevator reached the floor for the conference room and they found Richard waiting in the room for them. When Zola saw the unfamiliar people who had already gathered, she gently tugged on Meredith's arm to be picked up, which she obliged to. Zola whispered into her mother's ear, "Tell Richard."</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed softly and nodded, "We will, we will, let's sit down and we can speak to him at the end, yeah?" Meredith sat in a chair beside Maggie and sat Zola in her lap, who rested with her side against Meredith, facing Maggie.</p>
      <p>Richard looked to Meredith from where he had been talking in hushed voices with Bailey for a moment, "Do we have a new doctor here?" He joked, referring to Zola.</p>
      <p>As Meredith laughed at Richard's comment, she didn't notice the two Shepherd doctors entering the room, taking seats further back at the table. She didn't notice his eyes on her, because her focus was completely on Zola, "We got some good news, I didn't have the heart to not bring her," she grinned softly as Richard raised his eyebrows.</p>
      <p>"Very well then," he nodded before addressing the rest of the room, "Thank you all for coming on short notice," he stood from his chair and Arizona moved to the front of the room, "There's a slight change to staffing that needed to be announced. Our very own Arizona Robbins will be heading out on Monday to Malawi to work at the clinic there for the next 6 months. In her place, we will be extending the stay of Dr Addison Montgomery-Shepherd as interim Chief of Foetal Surgery," he gestured to where Addison was sitting and everyone, except Meredith, glanced to look where she was sat. Meredith didn't have the energy to pretend to be interested in something she already knew, especially when it was about Addison.</p>
      <p>Meredith felt a gentle tug on her scrub top and looked down to where Zola was looking up at her with a soft smile. She used her finger to signal one minute to her, as Richard continued speaking regarding other small areas of business before he began to wrap up the meeting.</p>
      <p>"Does anyone have anything else to discuss while we're here?" He looked around the room. It took a moment for Meredith to realise Zola had risen her hand, Richard laughed, "Yes, Zola?"</p>
      <p>Zola was quiet a moment, realising once again she was in a room of unfamiliar people and became shy. She looked up to Meredith and gently tugged at her scrub top again. Meredith lowered her head to listen to Zola, "Mommy, tell," she whispered into her ear, causing Meredith to laugh a little.</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded and looked back up to Richard, "She wants everyone to know the good news," Richard nodded for her to continue and Meredith paused a moment and looked around the room, noticing everyone in the room had eyes on her and Zola, intrigued to find out what Zola had to say. She looked to Maggie a moment who just grinned at her, already knowing what was about to be said. She took a breath before speaking, "I got granted temporary custody of Zola while the adoption goes through, she wants me to tell everyone that I'm going to be her Mommy," she grinned with a flush on her cheeks as everyone started clapping around the table, she looked down at Zola who wrapped her arms around Meredith and hugged her tight. Most people in that room had been there with them from the beginning, had known Meredith when Zola first came into her life. They knew what the two of them had gone through to get to this point.</p>
      <p>"Well that definitely is very good news, Miss Zola," Richard laughed, "Now, let's all get back to work."</p>
      <p>Meredith stood from her chair, holding on to Zola and went to stand by Richard. Alex joined them and reached to take hold of Zola, "Zo!" she laughed and allowed Meredith to pass her over to him, "Are you happy?" Zola nodded, giggling, "Good, I'll be your Uncle Alex from now on…" he held her on his side as they talked between themselves and Meredith laughed softly watching them.</p>
      <p>Richard placed his hand on Meredith's shoulder, "I'm proud of you, Meredith, I told you that you'd do the right thing."</p>
      <p>She looked up to him with a genuinely happy smile, "This was just the first step, the hard part comes next," she said with a small shrug.</p>
      <p>He pulled her into a half hug, "Well we're all behind you, you know that. Ellis would be proud of you."</p>
      <p>She turned to face out the window that overlooked the outside garden they'd recently had put in, to hide the tear that involuntarily fell, "Yeah, I hope so."</p>
      <p>Alex came back over with Zola and she turned back around, wiping away the tear, "Come on, Zo, time for sleep, okay?"</p>
      <p>Zola nodded as Alex handed her back over. She held her on her hip, her hand protectively held her head against her shoulder and she kissed the top of it, feeling Zola's body relax as the tiredness hit her. She looked around the room. Most people had left by now, it was just her and Alex left in the room. She knew she shouldn't be, but she felt slightly upset that Derek had gone; she was pretty sure he'd left as soon as Richard ended the meeting. Not that she was keeping tabs on his.</p>
      <p>"Let's take her back, Mer," Alex said to her and she nodded, keeping a close hold on her daughter as she walked with Alex back down to Zola's room.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>He was just about to drop off to sleep on the couch in his office when he heard his phone go off from where it sat on his desk. With a groan he got up off the couch and went to go pick it up. Surely it was too late in the day for an emergency meeting? But attendance was mandatory for department heads, so he didn't really have a choice.</p>
      <p>He left his office to see Addison waking down the hall towards him, "Meeting?"</p>
      <p>He nodded, "Yeah, just got the message," he held his hand in front of his mouth as he yawned, walking towards the conference room beside her, not touching.</p>
      <p>"You wouldn't be so tired if you slept at home, you know," Addison said to him.</p>
      <p>He scoffed, "Yeah, but you're there so I'm sure I'll survive here for now," he shook his head as they entered the conference room, two of the last to arrive.</p>
      <p>He sat down in a chair towards the back of the room and Addison sat beside him. His head snapped up as he heard the sound of a child's laugh nearer to where Richard was sat at the head of the conference table. His eyes softened and he suddenly wasn't so tired anymore when he saw Meredith sat there with Zola in her lap. He didn't even realise he was staring until he felt a jab in the side of his arm from Addison. He looked to her and she nodded forward to where Richard had starting the meeting.</p>
      <p>His shoulders dropped as he looked to Richard, listening to him speak. And then he heard it. Six months. He tried really hard to not look so disappointed as everyone's gaze moved to look at Addison. He made a mental note of the fact that Meredith was the only one who hadn't looked over. As the meeting continued, Derek sank back in his chair, staying quiet.</p>
      <p>As the meeting ended and Richard asked for any other business, Derek got himself ready by sitting up in his chair. He looked up as Richard spoke, "Yes, Zola?" and looked over to where Meredith and Zola sat.</p>
      <p>He watched curiously as Zola became shy and spoke quietly with Meredith a second before Meredith looked to Richard and spoke, "She wants everyone to know the good news." His eyes were locked on her, watching the grin form on her face, genuine happiness radiating from her as she spoke the next words, "I got granted temporary custody of Zola while the adoption goes through, she wants me to tell everyone that I'm going to be her Mommy."</p>
      <p>Derek's breath hitched in his throat as everyone began clapping and he joined in with them. He just wanted to hug her. He felt so proud of her and his heart swelled. But he knew he couldn't act on it. He felt the tears start to build up in his eyes as he watched Meredith embracing Zola and holding her tight. Anyone could say without a doubt that they were supposed to find each other. Once he heard the words from Richard's mouth to signal the end of the meeting, he didn't wait a moment before escaping the room. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He'd made a mistake, and he had no idea how to fix it, or make it up to her. He didn't deserve the chance to.</p>
      <p>He didn't look back, but he heard her heels against the hard floor as she followed close behind him. He ignored her, retreating to his office. She just followed in behind him and closed the door behind them, like she knew they were about to have an argument, "Derek! We need to talk."</p>
      <p>"No, Addison, we don't. I don't want to talk, I'm done talking!" He turned to look at her, his voice raised.</p>
      <p>She stood there, watching him with her arms crossed, "It's not even been a week, we've only been to counselling for one session," she rolled her eyes at him, "nothing gets fixed overnight."</p>
      <p>"I wanted a divorce, Addison! I was done! Why didn't you just sign the damn papers?!" he all but yelled at her.</p>
      <p>"Why did you give in so easily when I wanted counselling before we ended our <em>eleven-year </em>marriage?!" She retorted. They'd been having this argument all week. Why had he stayed in a marriage when he constantly talked about leaving?</p>
      <p>He stood there, thinking a moment, and then gave up, "I'm not doing this now, Addison, I need to sleep. Get out."</p>
      <p>"Derek, just come back to the apartment…" she said, her voice softer.</p>
      <p>"Not while you're there," he said again, sitting down on the couch. He didn't look at her. He didn't say anymore. He heard the door close as she left the room. He sighed and lay back into the position he was in before he had to go to that meeting. He was in love with Meredith Grey, and he needed to find a way back into her life. Even if they were just friends.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <em>No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight, in the shadow of your heart</em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <strong>Cosmic Love – Florence and The Machine.</strong>
      </p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Little Pieces</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>There's a piece of me you can't have, and I know it's driving you mad.</em>
</p><hr/><p>The past few weeks had been quite the adjustment for Meredith and Zola. With Maggie's help, and Zola's input, they'd done up the spare room across the hall as Zola's bedroom, even thought she didn't spend a lot of time sleeping in there. If Zola didn't fall asleep in Meredith's bed, she had made her way there by the early hours of the morning. Meredith would be lying though if she said it bothered her and it made their mornings a lot easier. On nights when Meredith had to work, Maggie would take Zola home from day care and would see her that morning when Maggie brought her in to the hospital. They'd spend their days off on days out, the park, the zoo, wherever Zola wanted to go.</p><p>Meredith and Derek hadn't really spoken again since that day. The handful of times they did have to work together, they would only speak in the interests of their patient. The moment he would try and speak to her about more than that, she would either change the subject or remove herself from the situation. Thankfully, she hadn't had a reason to work with Addison and was putting off any interaction with the woman for as long as possible.</p><p>That morning, Meredith brought Zola into the hospital to take her up to day-care. Zola was very popular with the nurses and doctors and would say hi to most people they walked past. Meredith made sure she was settled in day-care as she did most days, letting her know she'd come and get her at lunch so they could eat together.</p><p>She made her way from the day-care unit to the surgical wing, ready for rounds with her patients. She grabbed a tablet from the nurses' station and pulled up the first patient's chart. She met with the residents and interns who were waiting nearby, heading into the room with them. She was just observing the work of residents today on rounds and would only intervene where needed.</p><p>She didn't have any surgeries scheduled so would probably just spend her morning doing admin work, making sure the general surgery schedule was updated for the next few weeks. She'd received further documentation in the mail yesterday regarding Zola's adoption and made a mental note to make sure she sent it off by the end of the day.</p><p>In case she was needed on the floor, Meredith generally did her admin work stood at one of the work-stations, which is what she was busying herself with when she felt a presence beside her, she looked to the rugged-looking, dark blonde man, "Can I help you? Are you new here?"</p><p>He looked to her with a smirk, "Visiting. Confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day here."</p><p>She laughed a little and raised her eyebrows, "You get used it."</p><p>As their conversation continued, neither were aware of Derek making his way down the hallway., speaking with a colleague. The stranger beside her looked at her, almost like he was trying to flirt with her, "Makes me wanna stay in bed all day."</p><p>She couldn't deny she missed the attention and decided to join in with his banter, "We just met and you're already talking about bed, not very subtle," she pointed out, pretending to be more interested in the work on her tablet.</p><p>He laughed and kept his eyes on her, trying to think of how she seemed familiar to him, "Subtle's never been my strong suit," he winked as she looked up at him, "So, do you ever go out with co-workers?"</p><p>She shook her head, laughing again, "I make it a rule <em>not</em> to."</p><p>He grinned at her response, "Then I am so glad I don't work here." From the other end of the hallway walked Addison, stopping in her step when she realised who Meredith was speaking to.</p><p>She bit her lower lip slightly, she had to admit he was easy going on the eyes, and a distraction wouldn't hurt… but she was a fan of playing hard to get, "Are you hitting on me?" She raised an eyebrow at him, "In a hospital?"</p><p>He moved a little closer to her, unaware of whose attention he'd drawn, unaware of what their intentions were, "Would that be wrong?"</p><p>Blissfully unaware as well, Meredith held her hand out to him to shake his in introduction, "Meredith."</p><p>He went to shake her hand and introduce himself but was stopped in doing so when Derek came out of nowhere, punching him straight in the face and knocking him to the floor. Meredith took a step back, in shock and looked to Derek who was attempting to shake off the slight sting in his hand, "What the <em>hell</em> was that?!"</p><p>Derek didn't look at her but kept his eyes on the guy he'd just knocked down with a single punch, now bleeding from the point of impact on his cheek, "That was Mark."</p><p>Addison came over at that point, "What the hell, Derek?" She pulled Derek away and took him into a nearby office. Meredith was still stood there speechless, not seeing the look Derek was giving her as he walked away. She recovered after a moment when Mark stood back up, his hand touching his face lightly where he'd punched, frowning at the blood that transferred to his fingertips.</p><p>He looked to Meredith, "Any chance you could take me to get the cleaned up?"</p><p>She set the tablet down on the desk beside her and nodded, "Yeah, yeah come with me," she walked beside him as she led him to the nearest exam room, "So you're Mark, huh?" She raised her eyebrows at him as he sat on the exam room bed and she got out the things she'd need to clean up his cut.</p><p>He laughed as he watched her, "And you're Meredith Grey, I've heard about you, you know," this stopped Meredith in her tracks a moment.</p><p>"What have you heard about me?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows. She was still pretty sure no-one beyond her, Maggie, Alex and Derek knew she was 'the other woman.'</p><p>"You mean besides the Catherine Fox award and countless publication?" He laughed, eyeing her closely as she released the breath she was holding, and continued on cleaning the wound on his face. He studied her a moment before breaking out into laughter as realisation hit him.</p><p>She looked with him, her eyebrow raised as she got out the suture kit, "What?"</p><p>"I <em>have</em> heard about you, just no names mentioned," he watched as a blush crept up on her cheeks and she numbed the area around his wound, "I've heard about you all the way back in New York, the other woman. Welcome to the dirty mistresses club."</p><p>She rolled her eyes at him and muttered, "No point in trying to hide it now, is there?" She picked up the needle with the needle driver in one hand, and the tissue forceps with the other, ready to start closing his wound.</p><p>"Woah, no, stop, get me a mirror," she laughed at him and then realised he was serious, "I don't care how good you are with your abdominal wall transplants, and mini livers, I'm not risking a scar out of this."</p><p>She rolled her eyes at him and passed him the tools, picking up a mirror off the side in the room and holding it up for him, "I forget how vain plastic surgeons are," she said with a laugh.</p><p>He paused for a moment before he began the sutures, "You know, it's funny. Derek walks in on me in bed with is wife, you know – actually in the throes. He just turns around and walks away. But he sees me so much as talking to you, and I'm on the ground bleeding," he shook his head with a laugh, "Interesting, don't you think?"</p><p>Meredith watched him as she held the mirror while he began the sutures on his cheek, "Yeah, well he chose Addison, didn't he?" She pointed out with a small smile.</p><p>"Well then I'll let you in on a little secret, Derek is a man of obligation," he winced a little as he spoke, still suturing his cheek, "and he has of habit of not communicating the reasons behind his actions."</p><p>Meredith scoffed, putting the mirror down as Mark finished off his suture with the snip of the thread, "I don't play games, Sloan, I stopped playing games a long time ago."</p><p>Meredith lathered her hands with anti-bacterial gel, looking back to Mark once before leaving the room, "Get yourself in for a CT, I'm sure you can figure that out."</p><hr/><p>Derek was seething. He held an ice pack to his knuckles as he sat in Richard's office with him and Addison. "Would somebody like to explain to me <em>why</em> my head of neurosurgery is punching out people on <em>my</em> surgical floor?" His eyes shifted to Derek who had pulled the ice pack away from his hand to inspect it, "Put the damn ice on your two million dollar a year hand, Shepherd."</p><p>Addison began to spoke as Derek returned the ice pack to his hand, "That was Mark, Richard. He's Derek's best friend back from New York. I, uh, I slept with him."</p><p>Richard looked bewildered a moment before turning back to Derek, "Did you put your weight behind?"</p><p>Derek scoffed slightly before responding, "Yes, sir."</p><p>"Well, good. Now both of you, get out of here and get back to work," Richard dismissed them. Derek immediately stood out of the chair he was sat in, leaving the office ahead of Addison who just followed Derek to his office, "What is he doing here, Addison?"</p><p>"I don't know, Derek," Addison wasn't a fan of having her dirty laundry out dry for the whole hospital to see, but maybe she shouldn't have kept ignoring Mark's calls.</p><p>Derek rolled his eyes at her, "Get him gone. And I don't want to see you, go away."</p><p>Addison left the office without an argument and went to locate Mark Sloan, starting with the last place she'd seen him. As she approached, she saw Meredith leaving one of the exam rooms and just about caught what she said to whoever sat inside the room, "Go get yourself a CT, I'm sure you can figure that out."</p><p>She studied the woman a moment from afar, unable to read any emotion on her face. What did Derek see in her? Once Meredith had left the immediate area, Addison approached the room she had just left, seeing Mark inside, and she took a deep breath before walking in there herself, "What are you doing here, Mark?"</p><p>He looked up to her as he applied the final closure strip to the now healing wound on his cheek "I'm here for you, Addison."</p><p>She scoffed and rolled her eyes at him, crossing her arms as she spoke, "Try again, Mark."</p><p>"Addison, I came back to make amends, with both of you," she eyed him curiously and he watched her, before coming to some kind of realisation, "Wait a minute, he only thinks it was the one time, doesn't he? He doesn't know that you stayed with me for weeks after he'd gone! And you must know he's only staying with you because he thinks it's the right thing to do."</p><p>"It doesn't matter, Mark," she said, looking down at the floor, "Just go back to New York and leave well enough alone."</p><p>"You can't tell me you didn't see the way he looked at her," Mark scoffed, "Your marriage is over, Addison, all you have to do I admit. Let him go."</p><p>She couldn't hear anymore, and she didn't want to hear anymore. She turned around and left him alone in the room once more.</p><hr/><p>That day seemed to drag on forever, and it was getting pretty late by the time she'd gone to pick up a sleepy Zola from day care. She held the girl on her hip as her rested against her shoulder, falling asleep as they waited for the elevator down to the parking garage. The doors opened to the elevator and she hesitated a moment before getting on when she saw him stood inside, leaning against the back wall. She stepped on and faced forward, no intention of communicating with him. Mark's words still spoke clear in her head from earlier that morning, as much as she tried to forget about them.</p><p>The elevator jolted slightly on its way down, causing the bag that was over her opposite shoulder to where Zola slept to slip down her arm, and the bag fell to the floor. He immediately stepped forward to help her, grabbing the strap of the bag to pick it up off the floor, "I can carry this for you," he said softly, stood close to her.</p><p>She was too tired to argue with him about it and she needed to get Zola home, so she simply nodded and said, "Okay."</p><p>He stayed stood beside her as the elevator came to a halt at the lower level for the parking garage, and they walked silently to her car, he spoke quietly as they approached the vehicle, "Where's your keys?"</p><p>"Coat pocket," she didn't even know what she was doing at this point, but it was so much easier than arguing with him. Her breath hitched in her throat as his hand went into her coat pocket to pull her keys out, and she avoided making any eye contact with him.</p><p>He unlocked her car and opened the door to the backseat where Zola's car seat was fitted. Ensuring she stayed asleep, Meredith strapped her in securely before closing the door again and in that time, he'd put her bag in the foot-well of the passenger side of the car. Their fingers brushed with a small spark of electricity as he passed her keys back to her, and she looked down a little in an attempt to continue avoiding contact with him.</p><p>"I miss you, Meredith," her head snapped up at him as he spoke, looking directly into his eyes.</p><p>"Derek, I…" she gently bit her lower lip as she looked down again and spoke quietly, "I'm tired, Derek. I'm exhausted. Avoiding you is exhausting, hating you is <em>exhausting</em>."</p><p>At her words, he pulled her into a gentle hug, and she didn't protest. His lips pressed softly against her hair and he murmured softly, "I'm so sorry."</p><p>She relaxed in his arms a moment, possibly out of exhaustion, before the reality of their situation pinged in her mind, and she pulled back from his embrace, "I have to go."</p><p>He simply nodded and stepped back, watching her climb into the car and fasten her own seat belt. He stood in the same spot as she drove away, and he couldn't help but wish he was going home with her.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Pieces falling from me, you can have them for free.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>Little Pieces - Gomez</strong>
</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. If I Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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      <p>
        <em>
          <strong>B</strong>
          <strong>ut</strong>
          <strong> if I go will you love me?</strong>
        </em>
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      <p>
        <em>
          <strong>Will you love me until I can?</strong>
        </em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>
          <strong>Do you know will you want me?</strong>
        </em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>
          <strong>Will you want me like that?</strong>
        </em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>His mind was still reeling as he rode the elevator up to his office, going over his interaction with Meredith in his head.</p>
      <p>"<em>Hating you is exhausting."</em></p>
      <p>Did she really hate him? Or was she just trying to hate him? What he did know, was that he loved her, and he needed to tell her. He wished he'd told her before this all got messed up. He stepped off the elevator and walked toward his office.</p>
      <p>"Mark, what the hell are you doing in here?" He asked his former friend as he walked into his office, finding him sat there on one of the chairs.</p>
      <p>"Can we please talk, Derek?" Mark pleaded with him, "I spoke with Meredith."</p>
      <p>Derek scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I know that," he closed the door behind him.</p>
      <p>"I know who she is to you, Derek," Mark started before Derek cut him off.</p>
      <p>"You don't get to talk about her," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.</p>
      <p>"I know you're staying with Addison out of some sense of obligation, Derek, but you shouldn't do that. You deserve to be happy."</p>
      <p>"It's not just that, Mark."</p>
      <p>"Whatever it is, you're miserable. And the way you looked at her? You love her, and you can't deny that. And it's not the same way you've ever loved Addison, this is different."</p>
      <p>"Any other words of wisdom you'd like to give me?" Derek asked, glaring at Mark.</p>
      <p>"Now, I didn't want to have to be the one to tell you, but Addison clearly isn't going to, and you deserve to know. When you couldn't get the papers to her, did you ever find out where she was?"</p>
      <p>Derek eyed him, his curiosity piqued, he hadn't managed to tell him, "No, why?"</p>
      <p>Mark sighed and got up, heading towards the door to leave, "She was staying with me."</p>
      <p>Well, that changed everything. He grabbed his phone and called the person he needed to see the most right now, "Hey, Mom, can I come stay for a while?"</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>He walked into his apartment that night, finding Addison sat on the couch. He'd spoken to Richard before leaving the hospital and he'd given him the week off to go back to New York. She looked up in surprise, "You're home?"</p>
      <p>"This isn't your home, Addison," he pointed out, grabbing a bottle of beer out of the fridge. He moved to the chair beside the couch she sat on, divorce papers in hand, he took drink from the bottle, "I want you gone by midday tomorrow."</p>
      <p>She sighed, "This is it isn't it?"</p>
      <p>"Our marriage is over, it's been over for a long time," he took another swig and placed the papers on the table in front of him, "Sign these and I'll take them to New York myself tonight, I'm going to visit my mother."</p>
      <p>She leaned forward and picked up the papers and a pen that lay nearby, reading them over again, "Are you sure?" she had to ask one last time.</p>
      <p>He nodded, not looking at her, "It was bad enough that you slept with Mark in our bed and I happened to walk in on you both," he paused a moment before continuing, "you just had to go and live with him afterwards? Play house with him?"</p>
      <p>"Derek, I," she started, as though she was about to defend her actions.</p>
      <p>"No, I don't want to hear it. You came here, and you lied to me. And I may have screwed up the best thing to happen to me as a result. Sign the papers and leave me alone," he got up, throwing the empty glass bottle in the bin before going to pack some clothes into a suitcase.</p>
      <p>She watched him a moment before resting the papers against the table to sign them. As he walked back toward her, she handed the papers to him, "There."</p>
      <p>He took them from her and grabbed his briefcase that sat by the door where he'd left it when he came in, turning to look at her once more before he left, "Leave the key with Richard. Goodbye, Addison."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>It was his last day in New York. He'd early the following morning after he'd left Seattle with the divorce papers and took them straight to his lawyer's office. He had no time to waste. Now, he was getting ready to leave his Mom's after his week there, off to go and catch his plane back to Seattle.</p>
      <p>He gave his Mom one last hug before he left, "Thank you for letting me stay."</p>
      <p>"Don't be silly," she said with a grin, "You know you can come and visit whenever you like."</p>
      <p>"I know, thanks for everything," he grinned back at her.</p>
      <p>"Oh, stop. Now go and get on that plane and get things sorted with Meredith!" She said with a laugh.</p>
      <p>"I will," he said with a grin, leaving the house to go get in the waiting cab. He waved to his mom one last time before closing the door of the cab.</p>
      <p>He was both anxious and excited to get back to Seattle. To get back to her. He didn't care if Addison was still there, or if Mark was still lurking about. He knew as long as he could see her again, everything would be good.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>It had been a week since their moment in the parking garage. While she hadn't been trying to avoid him, she hadn't actually seen him all week. She wasn't even sure he'd been in the hospital. Getting ready to leave that morning, her fingers had caught on his apartment key that she still had in her coat pocket. She should probably give that back if she ever did see him again.</p>
      <p>She recouped her thoughts as she focused on the job at hand. She'd been called to a few consults in the ER and her current consult also needed a Neuro exam, hence her train of thought to him. She used the tablet to order the consult and carried on assessing the patient while she waited.</p>
      <p>"Did someone call for a consult?" she heard his voice before she saw him.</p>
      <p>When she looked up, she realised she hadn't seen her yet, "Over here, Dr Shepherd," she called him over. He looked up as she spoke, and he saw a grin spread across his face.</p>
      <p>"Ah, Dr Grey," he walked closer to where she was stood by the patient's bed side, "How can I be of assistance?"</p>
      <p>"Oh, this is Mr Kanner, we just need to clear for any spinal injury before admitting him," she explained, "There's complaints of back pain we want to check out first."</p>
      <p>Derek began to assess for any sign of spinal injury. She watched him as he worked, adding her own notes to the patient's chart, "Well, looks good to me, I'll double check the scans and then I should be able to clear him," he explained, his eyes back on Meredith, "Can we talk a moment?"</p>
      <p>Without thinking, she nodded, and called over one of the residents to take the patient up to X-Ray, "DeLuca, can you take Mr Kanner here up to X-Ray, page Dr Shepherd when you have the scans," she passed the tablet she was holding to the resident who nodded and proceeded to introduce himself to the patient. She motioned for Derek to follow her and he walked beside her, "Do we need somewhere private, or?"</p>
      <p>He nodded in response, "Can we go to my office?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah, okay," she answered quietly, and they both made their way to the elevator in silence. Neither could deny the tension between them, and while Derek just wanted to tell her his news, she was trying to ignore the attraction she was feeling towards him in the crowded elevator.</p>
      <p>After what felt like an eternity, they both got off the elevator and went into his office which was thankfully nearby. Derek closed and locked the door behind them to avoid any interruptions, "Meredith. I want to tell you something. But, before I do, I need you to have all the facts, okay?" He said, keeping his eyes on her as she moved to sit on the small couch. He watched as she nodded in understanding, a look of slight confusion on her face, "I went home for a week, well, I was at my Mom's in New York. Which wasn't the only reason for my visit. New York is also where my lawyer's office is," he paused a moment, trying to gauge her reaction before he continued, but he honestly couldn't read her expression, "We finalised the divorce. It's done."</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded slowly, processing what he'd just told her, "Derek, I don't know," he sat beside her on the couch and took her hand in his.</p>
      <p>"Just, wait, let me finish," he squeezed her hand gently and was glad she hadn't pulled away, and he kept his eyes on her although her gaze was fixed on the floor, "I'm in love with you, I've been in love with you forever," he watched as her gaze lifted to look at him, "And I know I'm late, I know I'm a little late in telling you that, I just want you to take your time, take all the time you need because you have a choice to make, and when I had a choice to make I chose wrong."</p>
      <p>Her head started pounding slightly as she watched him in disbelief, her brow furrowed in slight confusion, "I, uhm, a choice?"</p>
      <p>"I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he said, interlocking his fingers with hers, "I don't want to be away from you anymore."</p>
      <p>In a sudden movement, she stood up from the couch and pulled her hand out of his, walking over the the other side of the room. This is everything she'd been waiting to hear, right? Is this what she wanted? She turned to look at him, trying to formulate a sentence in her head as he watched her. And he gave her <em>that look. </em>She couldn't possibly think straight while he was looking at her like that. She looked away from him again, out of the small window behind her and spoke quietly, "I need time. I can't just, I have a daughter, Derek. This isn't just about me anymore. I need time."</p>
      <p>He stood and moved closer to her, "I understand," he stopped just behind her, "Take all the time you need, Meredith. There's no rush."</p>
      <p>She turned around to look at him again. If she didn't leave soon, she was sure she'd end up mounting him. She needed to leave. She moved toward the door, "I'm not running," she assured him, "I just need to go," and then she left the office.</p>
      <p>He watched her as she left his office and sat back on the couch, his head in his hands. He'd probably never forgive himself for what he'd done to her and definitely didn't know how he'd ever make it up to her. But he had to try. He'd wait for her forever.</p>
      <p>She stood against the wall just outside his office, still processing what he'd just said to her. He loved her. He was in love with her. She knew he liked her a lot, but she didn't think for a moment he actually loved her, not until now. It felt so <em>good.</em> She didn't want to wait any longer. She opened the door again and saw him sat there on the small couch with his head in his hands.</p>
      <p>He heard the door opening again and looked up to see her standing there. She closed and locked the door behind her again and walked over to stand in front of him, deliberating only a second longer. He watched her as she captured her lower lip with her teeth. Damn.</p>
      <p>She moved to sit in his lap and kissed him hard as she straddled him, and his hands moved to her waist, holding her there. She pulled her lip back a moment and spoke quietly, "I love you too." He grinned wide and connected their lips again, her fingers moving through his hair as she mumbled against his lips, "I told you I wasn't running."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <em>
          <strong>And if I leave, will it end?</strong>
        </em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>
          <strong>Will you need me again?</strong>
        </em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>
          <strong>If I go, will you love me?</strong>
        </em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>
          <strong>Will you love me when I come back?</strong>
        </em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <strong>If I Go – Ella Eyre</strong>
      </p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Blank Space</h2></a>
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      <p>
        <em>So it's gonna be forever, or it's gonna go down in flames</em>
        <br/>
        <em>You can tell me when it's over, if the high was worth the pain</em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Meredith couldn't keep the smile off her face as she collected Zola from the day care centre to take her for lunch. She smiled attentively as she watched her daughter walking in front of her, almost as though she was leading the way to the cafeteria. Zola stopped walking as they entered and looked back to her, "What's up, Zo?" She stopped beside her.</p>
      <p>Zola's arms raised for Meredith to pick her up and she obliged, lifting her to hold her on her hip, "Mommy, Dr Derek," Zola whispered and pointed to where Derek was sat at a table on his own eating his lunch.</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed softly and nodded, "Yeah, do you want to say hi?" Zola nodded with a grin, only to bury her head against Meredith's shoulder as they approached the table.</p>
      <p>Derek smiled at them both as he looked up and saw them, "Hey there you two."</p>
      <p>"Hey, Zola wanted to say hi," Meredith said as she sat on the chair beside him, sitting Zola in her lap, watching as she turned her head to look to where Derek was sitting beside them.</p>
      <p>"Hey Zola," Derek smiled at the young girl, laughing softly as Zola reached her arms to him and he looked to Meredith a moment, who nodded in approval, before he picked Zola up and let her sit in his lap.</p>
      <p>Meredith watched, elated, as Zola gave him a hug and he grinned at the action, "I'm just going to grab us something to eat, are you okay to sit with her?" Meredith asked, watching them with a smile.</p>
      <p>"Yeah, go on," he told her, holding on to Zola who had pulled back from the hug and studied Derek's face.</p>
      <p>"I'll be back in a minute, Zo," she smiled and leaned to press a soft kiss to the top of Zola's head before getting up to grab them both some lunch.</p>
      <p>Derek sat with Zola in his lap, laughing as she reached to touch the scrub cap he still wore, "Boats?" she asked, a questioning look on her face.</p>
      <p>"Yeah, do you like boats?" He asked, reaching to pull of the cap and letting Zola look at it closely in her hands.</p>
      <p>She nodded as she scrunched it up in her hand with a giggle and he laughed with her, "I go on boat with Mommy," Zola explained, "like boats?" She asked him.</p>
      <p>"I do, they're my favourite," he told her as she kept the scrub cap clutched to her. He looked up as Meredith returned, keeping his hold on Zola as she turned to look as well, holding the cap to show Meredith.</p>
      <p>"Mommy, boats!" Zola grinned at her mother, giggling away.</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed softly and sat down, "Yeah, baby," she smiled and pierced the whole in the juice cup for Zola with a straw, "Time for lunch, Zo, come on," she watched with a small smile as Zola kept herself in Derek's lap reaching for her juice. She moved it closer for her and she picked up, leaving the scrub cap on the table. Meredith looked to Derek, "I can take her back if you need to be somewhere?"</p>
      <p>Derek shook his head, "No it's okay, you eat, I've got her." Meredith grinned and started eating her pasta, watching as Derek helped Zola with her smaller dish of the same pasta.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Maggie was sat eating her lunch across the room with Alex when she spotted Meredith sat across the room with Derek and Zola. She looked to Alex, "Did I miss something?"</p>
      <p>Alex looked toward where Maggie was gesturing, as confused as she was, "I think we've both missed something there," he shrugged and went back to his food, "I trust Meredith's judgement, it might look like she's making rash decisions, but she always has good reasoning behind it."</p>
      <p>"You're not wrong there," Maggie agreed, but still couldn't help but worry for her sister and new niece, seeing them get hurt was the last thing she wanted. She stood up from the table with her empty tray, returning it before heading off to continue with her day.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>At Zola's request, Derek went with Meredith to take her back to the day-care centre, "I'll be back at home time, Zo," Meredith said to her before pressing a soft kiss to her head and letting her go to play. Before she joined the other kids, she gave Derek's leg a quick hug, earning a small laugh from Meredith and Derek.</p>
      <p>They walked side by side on their way back to the surgical wing of the hospital, "Busy afternoon?"</p>
      <p>Meredith shook her head, "Just a couple small surgeries, unless something comes in," she shrugged and smiled at him as they stepped on to the elevator together, alone.</p>
      <p>As the doors closed, Derek's hands moved to her hips, pulling her against him as his lips landed on hers, pushing her back against the wall of the elevator as she returned the kiss. Her hands moved into his hair, gripping gently as her lips parted on his, a soft moan escaping as she felt his hips pressed into hers. "I missed you," he groaned softly against her lips.</p>
      <p>They elevator dinged as it stopped, and he reluctantly pulled back from her with a small grin as she caught her breath. As the doors opened, she pulled at her top to fix it, a grin on her lips. They stepped out of the elevator together and walked in silence a moment, stopping in front of the OR board, "Do you have plans tonight?" She asked him.</p>
      <p>He looked down at her and she looked back at him, "No, I don't."</p>
      <p>"Maybe you can come over after Zola has gone to sleep, she should be down around 8?" she said, biting her lower lip slightly.</p>
      <p>He smiled and took her hand in his a moment, "I'd like that," he gave her hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it, "I have to get to surgery, I'll see you later."</p>
      <p>She nodded and they smiled at each other one more time before he walked off in the direction of his next surgery. When she turned around to the workstation, she froze a moment seeing Richard stood there, watching her, having witnessed the interaction between her and Derek. He eyed her a moment before walking in the opposite direction, shaking his head a little, and her shoulders slumped. Caught out. She'd have that conversation with him later, though. Right now, she had a surgery to get to.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Meredith got home with Zola around six that evening. Walking in the house, she knew there was a conversation she needed to have with her daughter, and she followed her lead into the kitchen, "What do you want for dinner, Zo?"</p>
      <p>Zola sat in a chair at the table as Meredith moved over to the fridge, inspecting what they had there to make, "Pasta, Mama."</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed softly, "You had pasta at lunch, baby girl." She watched Zola a moment as she thought hard before offering up a suggestion, "How about sausages and potatoes?"</p>
      <p>Zola nodded, "Yeah! Can we watch Robin tonight, Mommy?" Her daughter pleaded.</p>
      <p>Meredith smiled with a nod as she started putting their dinner together, "Good choice, Zo." She put the chopped-up potatoes to boil and the sausages to cook while Zola sat at the table with her usual colouring book. Once she set the timer she went to go sit beside her daughter at the table, "I need to talk to you about something, Zo, is that okay?"</p>
      <p>She waited as Zola put down the crayon she was using and turned to look at her mother, and Meredith moved her into her lap, "Yeah?"</p>
      <p>"You remember Dr Derek, Zo?" She asked, gently pushing her hair out of her face for her as she looked down at her.</p>
      <p>Zola nodded, "Yeah, he likes boats," she remembered with a smile.</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed a little, "Yeah, he does. Dr Derek is Mommy's friend and I think he's going to be spending more time with us and he's going to come and see us tonight, is that okay?"</p>
      <p>Zola thought hard for a moment, a look of concentration on her face as she did so. Meredith stayed quiet and waited for her response. Eventually, Zola just nodded and looked back up at Meredith, "He good," Zola smiled before continuing, "Derek watch Robin too?"</p>
      <p>Meredith smiled, "Maybe, Zo, we'll see what time he gets here, okay?"</p>
      <p>"That's okay, Mommy," Zola said with a nod before climbing out of Meredith's lap, "I play now?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah, you can go play now," she said as she helped Zola to her feet and watched as Zola went through to the living room to sit with her doll house.</p>
      <p>Meredith stood from the chair she sat on and continued with preparations for dinner, happy with the outcome of her talk with Zola. A part of her just wanted to tell her that Derek would be a dad to her, but she wouldn't dare be that presumptuous, especially if he could just leave again. She wouldn't do that to Zola.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Later on, that evening, it was getting close to 8 when Derek was supposed to be getting there, but Zola was still wide awake. She wasn't too bothered with Zola being awake this late as she was scheduled for a day off tomorrow and they normally had a lie in together. They sat with Zola in her lap as they watched the 1973 animated version of <em>Robin Hood.</em> The movie was just over half-way through, scenes of Robin and Maid Marion walking through Sherwood forest playing on the TV in front of them. She didn't have the heart to take Zola up to bed before the movie finished, it was one of her favourites. To avoid having to move Zola from her lap, she sent a quick text to Derek, '<em>On couch with Zo, front door is open.'</em></p>
      <p>A few minutes later, she heard the front door open and turned her head to see him walking through the door, Zola still entranced by the movie and not looking to see who had walked in. Meredith smiled back at him at moved the bowl of popcorn from beside her, motioning for him to sit down in its place, "What are we watching?" He asked in a quiet voice.</p>
      <p>Hearing his voice, Zola looked to him and patted Meredith's arm, "Mama, pause!" Meredith laughed softly and paused the film, and Zola leaned over, reaching for Derek, "Derek!" she giggled as he lifted her into his lap, "Watching Robin."</p>
      <p>"Hey, Zo, I love this movie," Derek responded with a grin, holding her on his lap.</p>
      <p>"Do you want some more juice, Zo?" Meredith asked her, smiling as Zola nodded with a grin, "Can I get you anything, Derek?"</p>
      <p>"Just water, please," he said with a smile and looked back to Zola, "Shall we continue with the film, then?" Zola nodded ecstatically and Meredith passed the remote to Derek, standing up off the couch to go into the kitchen, Zola's empty juice cup in her hand.</p>
      <p>Derek sat with Zola on his lap, and she bounced a little along to the music playing on the movie, giggling as she watched. He watches her in awe, a grin plastered on his face. As them music faded into the next scene, Meredith sat back down on the couch next to them, placing Derek's water on the coffee table in front of them. Zola moved back over into Meredith's lap, taking the juice cup from her, drinking through the straw as her eyes kept fixed on the movie. Meredith settled back into the cushions, her head resting against Derek's shoulder and Zola settled in her lap, back against her chest.</p>
      <p>Meredith let herself doze off as Zola settled against her, the motion of Derek's fingertips lightly brushing against her skin soothing her into sleep. She jerked awake after what felt like only minutes later, the movie had ended, and Zola was asleep against her. She blinked a couple times before realising Maggie was stood looking at them from where she stood by the kitchen. She then realised Maggie and Derek were both looking at her, "Hey, Maggie," she said in a quiet voice and looked back down to Zola, "I need to take her up."</p>
      <p>Derek's arm slid from round her as she sat up, holding Zola steady in an attempt to not wake her. "I'll wait here," Derek said quietly, staying in his spot on the couch. Meredith nodded and headed up the stairs with a sleeping Zola in her arms.</p>
      <p>She gently lay Zola down in her bed, tucking her in a pressing a soft kiss to her forehead with a soft whisper, "Sleep tight, baby girl." Zola shifted slightly in her sleep and Meredith watched over her a moment, stood by the door, ensuring she was asleep before pulling the door to and heading back down the stairs.</p>
      <p>She followed the noise of voices in the kitchen, stretching her neck to one side as she entered the room and sat on a chair at the table, her entrance not noticed by Maggie and Derek who were speaking at the kitchen island, "I'm just saying, don't hurt her again, or else." Maggie warned him.</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed softly where she was sat and they both turned to look at her, "Thanks, Maggie."</p>
      <p>Maggie just shrugged and laughed with her sister as she stood up from her stool, "I'm off to bed," Meredith stood up from her chair to give her sister a quick hug, "Speak tomorrow?" Meredith nodded, "Night, Mer."</p>
      <p>"Night, Maggie," as Maggie left the room, Derek's arms slid around Meredith's waist and she leant back into him a moment before turning in his arms to look up at him, "Hey, sorry I thought Zola would've been asleep by the time you got here, I forgot it was movie night," she said with a laugh.</p>
      <p>Derek shook his head and pressed his lips to hers for a second, "It's okay, really," he said with a smile and kissed her again, pulling her closer to him, "Do you want me to go? You seem pretty tired."</p>
      <p>Meredith shook her head, "Stay, please, if you can I mean," she stretched up a pressed a soft kiss to his lips.</p>
      <p>"Yes, I can," he took her hands in his and moved with her to the living room, sitting on the couch together.</p>
      <p>Meredith looked down at their joined hands and gently bit her lower lip as she felt Derek's eyes on her, she spoke softly, "I think we should talk about this before we go any further."</p>
      <p>She looked up at Derek, who was watching her with adoration as she spoke. He lifted her hands to his lips with a soft kiss against her fingers, one by one as he spoke quietly, "I know I hurt you, and I'll never forgive myself for that, and I don't expect your forgiveness anytime soon," she could feel tears start to well up in her eyes as she listened to him, and he released one hand to cup the side of her face in his palm, his thumb gently rubbing against her cheek. He continued to speak, "I will do anything to prove myself to you, and to Zola," he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers in a soft kiss.</p>
      <p>She shuffled forward closer to him as she returned the kiss, murmuring against his lips, "Thank you, I mean, I was going to say we could talk more tomorrow when it wasn't so late," she laughed softly, "I spoke to Zola earlier, before you came round. Just, to let her know you'd be round more," she said, more of a question.</p>
      <p>He pulled back a little to look at her as she spoke. "I'll be here as long as you'll let me," he pressed another kiss to her lips before sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him.</p>
      <p>"Maybe we should take it slow with us, and with Zola," she said, "I want her to have a father figure, I kind of hoped that would be you, but this is all too early and it wouldn't be fair on her if it didn't work out," she bit her lower lip again as she anticipated his reaction.</p>
      <p>He watched her a moment before speaking, "Okay, first of all, we'll take this at whatever pace is comfortable to you. I'd love to be that for Zola, and we'll do whatever is best for her, okay? I'm not going to push anything on to her or to you," her eyes softened as he spoke, easing her worries, "but if you don't stop biting your lip like that then I can't make any promises," he said as he gently ran his thumb along her lower lip, releasing it from the bite of her teeth.<br/>Meredith swallowed a little, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks as he touched her lower lip, murmuring a curse under her breath. "Thank you, I kind of thought you might run if I said that," she admitted to him.</p>
      <p>He shook his head, "Meredith, it's been on my mind ever since I first saw the two of you together. The idea of having a family with you, that's what I want."</p>
      <p>She looked at him with confusion a moment before speaking in a quiet voice, "Then why did you stay with Addison?"</p>
      <p>He lowered his eyes a moment, he knew he'd have to explain himself sooner or later, and he owed this to her, "She wasn't going to sign the papers without a fight. Part of me felt like I had to try out of obligation, the other part of me…" he paused a moment before continuing, "I didn't want to make Zola's adoption any harder for you than I had to if I couldn't get an easy divorce."</p>
      <p>Her breath caught a moment before she responded, "I didn't even think of that."</p>
      <p>He shook his head and cupped her face with his hand, "It wasn't for you to worry about, and it still isn't something for you to worry about, okay?"</p>
      <p>She nodded and her eyes looked over his shoulder at the clock on the wall, "It's getting late. You should stay," she said with a nod, almost as though she was telling herself more than him.</p>
      <p>"I can stay, I have to be in early in the morning but I have a change of clothes in my car," he stood off the couch, releasing his hold from her and she stood also, acknowledging what he'd told her.</p>
      <p>"We'd best head up to bed then," she felt like shy teenager around him, mentally chiding herself for almost biting her lip again and turned to head up the stairs with him following behind her, feeling his gaze on her behind as they walked up.</p>
      <p>As they walked past Zola's room, Meredith popped her head in to check on the sleeping girl who was thankfully still sleeping in her own bed. Before speaking again, she went into her own room with Derek, quietly closing the door behind them, "There's a chance, a high chance, Zola might come in around three or four to climb into bed with me, so maybe keep your top on."</p>
      <p>Derek nodded and took her hand in his as they sat on the bed beside each other, "Are you sure it's okay for me to stay?"</p>
      <p>She looked to him with a smile and nodded, "I'm sure, honest." She stood and began undressing, again feeling his eyes on her as she pulled her top off and she looked over to him, stood only in her jeans and bra in front of the dresser, "What?"</p>
      <p>Derek couldn't hide the hunger in his eyes as he watched her. He'd dreamt of seeing her naked again every night since, well, he'd last seen her naked. He shook his head and stood up off the bed himself, facing away from her as he undid his trousers, taking them off and laying them on the chair by her bedroom window.</p>
      <p>She laughed and shook her head, muttering under her breath, "Men." She'd just changed into her top and shorts when she felt his arms around her again.</p>
      <p>His lips moved close to her ear and murmured softly, his hot breath sending chills down her spine, "No, Meredith, not <em>men.</em> You are beautiful, and seeing you again, here, it's better than any dream," she turned in his arms with a soft grin, a slight blush on her cheeks as his words registered to her. He pressed his lips against hers once and picked her up in his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist, earning an involuntary groan from him as he felt her press against him and her arms wrapped around his neck, pressing her lips hard against his.</p>
      <p>As their lips parted, he set her down on her back on the bed, hovering over her with his legs between hers. Her legs unwrapped from around him and she pulled her arms back, biting her lip gently. He looked at her and shook his head, "Didn't you hear what I just said?"</p>
      <p>She laughed softly and realised her involuntary action, releasing her bottom lip, "I'm sorry, I didn't even realise I was doing it."</p>
      <p>He leaned down and gave her one more kiss before moving to lay beside her and they both got under the covers. She shuffled up close to him, her back against his chest and he moved his arm over her waist, holding her close to him. His nose nuzzled into her hair and pressed a soft kiss against the top of her head, "I love you, Meredith."</p>
      <p>She smiled as her eyes closed, just now realising how tired she was and spoke in a quiet voice, "I love you too, Derek," she finished with a soft yawn and he squeezed his arm around her gently as she dozed off, following her into sleep soon after.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <em>Got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane, but I got a blank space, baby, and I'll write your name.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <strong>Blank Space - Taylor Swift</strong>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Jump Then Fall</h2></a>
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      <p>The feeling of her fingers being tugged on gently roused her from her sleep. She opened her eyes to see Zola stood beside her bed, her eyes flickered to the clock on the table beside her. <em>04:00.</em> She wakes a little more under Zola's expectant gaze and starts to think a bit more clearly, aware of Derek sleep beside her and his arm wrapped around her waist.</p>
      <p>She pulled back the covers slightly and spoke in a quiet voice, "Come on, baby," she invited the girl into the bed, as had been their normal routine since she moved in here. Zola accepted the invitation and climbed up on to the bed, snuggling herself against Meredith's chest and Meredith arms around her, holding her close. It didn't take long for Zola to drift off back to sleep in her hold, and she pressed a soft kiss against the top of the girl's head, following her into sleep soon after.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Derek woke to the sound of his phone's alarm going off on the bedside table on his side of the bed, he groaned slightly before realising where he was, in Meredith's bed, his arm draped over her waist. Not wanting to wake her from the noise he turned round to grab his phone and shut the noise off. Looking back over to Meredith he just notices the small girl asleep in her arms and he smiles softly. Meredith starts to stir a little at his movements and he lowers his lips to her forehead with a soft kiss, "Go back to sleep, Mer," he whispers softly, watching as she settles again back into sleep. He climbs out of the bed, careful not to jostle either of the two asleep in the bed.</p>
      <p>Quietly, he gathers his things and dresses, looking every now and then to the sleeping pair. He stood in the doorway of her bedroom, giving them one last look, feeling the swell of emotion in his chest as he paused for a moment. If it wasn't for his surgery at seven-thirty that morning he would've given anything to be able to stay there and join in with their morning routine. He'd have to wait for another day, though. Pulling the door to behind him, he made his way out to his car and started the short journey to the hospital.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>The next time Meredith woke up, it was to the sound of loud giggling beside her and the feeling of tiny fingers poking at her cheek. She laughed softly as her eyes opened, her hands taking Zola's in her gently grip, leaning to press soft kisses against her cheeks, earning further giggles from her daughter.</p>
      <p>"Mama, no!" Zola said with a squeal, "Breakfast!"</p>
      <p>Meredith rolled on to her back and lifted Zola against her chest, "What's for breakfast?" She asked as she calmed down a little, happy to be held close to her chest.</p>
      <p>Zola pulled her the all familiar expression as she concentrated a moment, thinking about her response a moment, "Pancakes?"</p>
      <p>Meredith sat up in the bed, keeping her hold on Zola as she did, "I think for pancakes we're going to need to go out for breakfast, Aunt Maggie will be in the hospital already, and you know Mommy can't make pancakes," she told the small girl with a laugh.</p>
      <p>Zola bounced a little in her lap, "Go, go!" She crawled out of her mother's lap and off the bed, and Meredith climbed out of the bed, following closely behind the small girl as she went through to her bedroom, "Clothes, Mommy?"</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded as she stretched her arms above her head with a yawn, walking over to Zola's closet, "What do you want to wear today?" She walked over to the window and pulled back the curtain, just know noticing the downpour of rain outside, "Looks like a rainy day today." Meredith moved back to the closet, Zola reaching for her raincoat that hung there, and Meredith took it off its hanger, "Good idea, Zo."</p>
      <p>After much of a one-sided conversation with Zola, she got her dressed and sat her on her bed as she got herself dressed as well. Zola sat on the bed, clutching her lion teddy close to her, her quietness not going unnoticed by Meredith. She lifted Zola and rested her on her hip as she held her, "What's on your mind, Zo?" She asked the girl as she carried her down the stairs.</p>
      <p>"Hungry, Mama," Zola said simply, her head resting against Meredith's shoulder. Meredith didn't push it and lowered Zola to her feet, helping her put her wellies on and fasten up her coat. Once ready, Zola lifted her arms again to be picked up and Meredith lifted her into her arms, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.</p>
      <p>She grabbed her keys and bag from the kitchen side before heading out to the car, sitting Zola in her car seat and strapping her in without any fuss. "You want the music on?" Meredith asked as she got into her own seat, putting her seat-belt on and looking back at Zola through the rear-view mirror.</p>
      <p>Zola shook her head, "Thinking, Mama."</p>
      <p>Meredith smiled and again didn't push it, "Okay, let's go get pancakes," she watched as her daughter smiled back at her before setting off in the direction of their regular breakfast spot that was by the hospital. Most of their regular food places were by the hospital.</p>
      <p>She parked in her reserved parking spot at the hospital, given there was no other parking around the area. She climbed out and opened the door for Zola who had unfastened the straps of her car seat when the car stopped, holding her hand as she stepped down out of the car, "Walk or buggy?"</p>
      <p>Meredith closed the car down and crouched down to Zola's eye-level, pulling the hood of her coat over her head to protect her hair from the rain, "Walk, please." Meredith lifted the hood of her own coat before taking Zola's hand in hers and standing up straight.</p>
      <p>"Let's get going then," she smiled, and they walked side by side down the street to the nearby café, trying not to overthink the fact that Zola was quieter than usual. They eventually made it and stepped inside out of the rain. Before heading to an empty booth, she crouched to removed Zola's coat and took her own off, hanging them on a coat stand that stood by the doorway.</p>
      <p>Meredith sat in the booth with Zola opposite her, ordering them both a drink from the passing waiter along with their order of pancakes. Zola set her toy lion on the table, "Mama?"</p>
      <p>She smiled and looked to the small girl, "Yes, Zola?"</p>
      <p>"Where Derek go?" she questioned, a confused look on her face.</p>
      <p>Meredith watched her closely, "He's at the hospital, Zola," she answered, unsure of where Zola was going with this. Zola stayed quiet, that look of concentration on her face again as a cup of orange juice was placed in front of her, and Meredith was brought her black coffee in a mug.</p>
      <p>Meredith reached over and helped Zola with pushing up the sleeves of her cardigan before adding a single sugar to her coffee, mixing it in as she watched Zola take a drink from her juice. Zola looked up at Meredith after setting the cup down, "Mommy going to hospital today?"</p>
      <p>Meredith shook her head, "It's Mommy's day off today, Zo, remember?"</p>
      <p>Zola thought for a moment before speaking again, "See Derek today?"</p>
      <p>Meredith raised her eyebrows a little, "I'm not sure, baby. Do you want to see Derek today?"</p>
      <p>As Zola went quiet again for a moment, their breakfast was delivered to their table. A small plate of two pancakes and blueberries for Zola, and a plate of pancakes and strawberries for Meredith. "Mommy, help?" Zola asked, holding up her knife and fork.</p>
      <p>"Of course," she said, leaning over to help cut the pancakes into smaller pieces for her, smiling as Zola started eating her breakfast.</p>
      <p>After a few mouthfuls, Zola answered her question, "Want see Derek."</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded, "Let me see if he can, okay? He's a very busy Doctor, Zo."</p>
      <p>Zola grins at her mother's response, "Like you, Mama?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah, like me, Zozo," she laughs softly as Zola starts to eat more enthusiastically. After a moment longer, Meredith questions a little more, "What've you been thinking about so much?"</p>
      <p>"I like Derek, Mommy, is Derek like Uncle Alex?" Zola asks with a slight look of confusion on her face.</p>
      <p>Meredith thinks a moment, taking another bite of her breakfast, noticing Zola has finished with hers, "Come sit by me, Zola," as Zola got up and moved round the table, Meredith set down her utensils, before helping Zola up on to the seat and pulling her into her lap. "Uncle Alex is Mommy's best friend, very much like Mommy's brother, so to you he is Uncle Alex, yeah?" She waits a moment, making sure Zola understands before she continues. Zola nods, "and you know how Jackson is Aunt Maggie's boyfriend?"</p>
      <p>Zola's eyes widen a little as she looks up at Meredith, "Oh, Mama boyfriend?"</p>
      <p>Meredith laughs softly and nods, "Yeah, Zo, so he's going to be around a lot more, but only if that's okay with you, okay?</p>
      <p>Zola ponders for a moment, her hand gripped on to her mother's jumper as she thinks and then speaks, "That's okay. He's Derek?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah, he's Derek," Meredith nodded, gently rubbing her hand on Zola's back as she holds her close, "So, what shall we do today?"</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Derek didn't get out of surgery till around 2pm and walking to the cafeteria for much needed food he checked his phones for messages, glad to see one waiting from Meredith from that morning. Before he got a chance to read it, his attention was taken by his name being called down the hall He looked up to see Addison stood not far from him. He hadn't seen her since he left for New York just over a week ago.</p>
      <p>"What do you want, Addison?" He said with a sigh.</p>
      <p>"Hello to you too, Derek," she said with a roll of her eyes.</p>
      <p>"I don't have all day," he said, almost snapping at her.</p>
      <p>"Did you give the lawyer the papers?"</p>
      <p>"I did, is that all?" he said with a hint of impatience in his voice.</p>
      <p>"I just," she hesitated a moment before continuing, "You're seeing Meredith again?"</p>
      <p>"It's not really your business, but yeah, we are," he raised his eyebrows at her.</p>
      <p>"Okay, well I have to stay here for another five months, but I'll stay out of your way, speak through lawyers until everything I finalised."</p>
      <p>"Right, okay," Derek sighed again, "Goodbye, Addison," he didn't stick around to hear her response, he was already back on his way to the cafeteria. He'd been in surgery since 6am and didn't have the patience for her right now.</p>
      <p>His attention was drawn to his phone again, reading the message from Meredith to ask if he was free after work. He sent her a quick reply to let her know he'd be finished up around five that evening, hopefully. He put his phone away and carried on with getting his lunch, taking it to go. If he wanted to be done by five, he needed to get a head start on his paperwork.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>After spending their day at the Woodland Park Zoo, Zola was definitely ready for sleep. Proven by the fact she'd fallen asleep in the car on their way to the hospital. Meredith pulled into her parking space and took the buggy out of the boot. She was pretty sure Zola wasn't about to wake up any time soon.</p>
      <p>She carefully got Zola out of the car and into the buggy without waking her, thankful the rain had stopped that morning after they'd eaten breakfast. Walking into the hospital, the first person she saw was Richard. Part of her was still wanting to avoid the conversation she knew was bound to happen about her and Derek, and what Richard had seen the other day.</p>
      <p>"Hey, Meredith, what are you doing here? Is Zola okay?" Richard greeted her, smiling down at Zola who was still sleeping.</p>
      <p>"Oh, Zola's fine, I'm just meeting someone," she explained, her hands tightening on the handles of Zola's buggy.</p>
      <p>Richard raised an eyebrow, pretty sure he knew who she was talking about, "Meredith…"</p>
      <p>"Richard, I know. I should have told you sooner, we should have," her gaze looked over Richard's shoulder, seeing Derek stood there, he hadn't seen them yet, "It's kind of new, I'm being careful."</p>
      <p>Richard stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Meredith, it's okay. I'm glad that you're happy, you deserve it more than anyone."</p>
      <p>Meredith released a sigh of relief, "Thank you, Richard. That means more to you than you know."</p>
      <p>He laughed softly as he pulled her into a hug, "if he hurts you, though, he does realise the whole hospital will be against you?"</p>
      <p>She returned his laughter as they pulled back from each other, "I think he gets it."</p>
      <p>The sound of Meredith's laughter caught Derek's attention, looking up to see Meredith stood there with Richard and Zola asleep in the pram. He excused himself from the conversation he was having with Dr Edwards regarding post-op care for his patient from the morning and approached the pair talking with each other. He greeted them tentatively, unsure of the subject of their conversation, "Hey, guys."</p>
      <p>Richard spoke first as Meredith smiled at Derek, "Take care of her, Shepherd, she's like a daughter to me," he patted Derek on the shoulder before walking away.</p>
      <p>"I have every intention to," he responded, his eyes still on Meredith as Richard walked away, "Hey, I didn't know you'd meet me here."</p>
      <p>Meredith shrugged, unable to stop smiling, "I thought we'd surprise you, but Zola's worn out," she said with a laugh, "Maybe we could go get dinner?"</p>
      <p>"Sounds good, I just need to change," he stepped forward and gently kissed her cheek, glad that she didn't pull away, "So Richard knows?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah, he saw us the other day in front of the OR board, I'm surprised he didn't figure it out sooner," she said with a shrug, "You go get changed, I'm just going to grab some things from my office."</p>
      <p>"Alright, I'll just come to your office then when I'm done, yeah?" He didn't want to push his luck with an actual kiss in public, so he gently squeezed her hand before heading off to get his things together and change.</p>
      <p>Meredith took hold of the pram and made her way to the elevator, Zola still sleeping. Walking down to the hallway towards her office, she saw Addison approaching her. Her hands tightened again on the handles of the pram, definitely unprepared for the interaction that was about to happen.</p>
      <p>"Hey, Meredith, I was glad I could catch you can we talk?" Honestly, Addison looked as anxious as Meredith felt.</p>
      <p>"I kind of have to be somewhere, can this wait? I'm not technically working right now," Meredith tried to explain with a small smile. She did not want to be there right now.</p>
      <p>"Oh, this isn't about work, but yeah, sure," Addison returned her smile and they parted ways.</p>
      <p>What did Addison want to say to her? She assumed Addison would do anything to not talk to her or be in the same room as her. As she entered her office, she left Zola to sleep in the pram as she grabbed her overnight bag from under the desk that she'd left from her last overnight shift, putting it under the pram.</p>
      <p>She sat on the couch with Zola facing her in the pram, and she leaned back to watch her sleep, glad to be able to sit down for a moment after their day of walking around the zoo. Around five minutes later, the door to her office opened and Derek walked in. She offered him a smile and patted the seat beside her, "Come sit a minute, I'm not ready to move, my feet are killing me," she said with a soft laugh.</p>
      <p>"Busy day?" he asked as he sat beside her, letting her rest her head against his shoulder as he played with the ends of her hair.</p>
      <p>"Mmm, we went to the zoo, "she pulled her phone out of her pocket to bring up her photo album from the day, passing it to him so he could scroll through the pictures she'd taken from the day with each of the animals they'd seen.</p>
      <p>As Derek looked through the photos, Meredith's legs rested on top of his, and his hand rested on her thigh, as she looked at them with him. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head as they came across the last photo, a picture of Meredith and Zola taken as a selfie, "Should definitely get that one framed, I'll put it on my desk."</p>
      <p>Meredith smiled and looked up at him, "Yeah? I'll send it to you later, then."</p>
      <p>He leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, "Let's get to dinner, yeah?"</p>
      <p>"One more moment," she spoke softly, pressing her lips back to his for another kiss. His hand slid to her waist as her fingers tangled into his hair, pulling him closer. As their kiss deepened, she felt his hand sliding up the front underside of her shirt and she gently nipped his lower lip, murmuring, "Behave."</p>
      <p>His lips moved to kiss along her jaw and spoke with a soft voice, "You know you're irresistible, right?"</p>
      <p>She tilted her head back as his lips moved down her neck and she gently pulled on his hair, "Maybe save that for later?" She pressed her lips to his again and he pulled her closer against him.</p>
      <p>As she heard Zola start to stir a little from her nap, she pulled back and turned to her daughter. It was always a gamble Zola's mood when she woke from her nap. Hearing the slight grumble coming from Zola's lip, she knew it wasn't going to be the best one.</p>
      <p>She lowers her legs from Derek's lap and leans forward to lift her out of the pram, pulling her into her lap and holding her close to her chest, "Hey, Zo." She gently rubbed Zola's back and Zola grabbed at the front of Meredith's shirt, hiding her face in her chest.</p>
      <p>"Can I get anything?" Derek asked, his hand resting on the small of Meredith's back.</p>
      <p>At the sound of his voice, Zola turned her head to look at him and her hand reached over to him, "Der…" she mumbled.</p>
      <p>Meredith moved Zola to sit in Derek's lap and he held her as she grinned at him. He laughed softly, "Hey, Zola, good sleep?"</p>
      <p>Zola nodded and put her arms around Derek's neck, hugging herself against him. Meredith stood up off the couch and grabbed a juice box from the drawer in her desk, kept for emergencies in case Zola was in there. As she sat back down, she pierced the straw through and passed it to Zola, who sat in Derek's lap chattering away to him. She took it with a thanks and started drinking.</p>
      <p>"Let's go get some dinner, guys," Meredith suggested, standing up from the couch, "Buggy, Zo?"</p>
      <p>Zola shook her head, parting herself from the straw for a moment to answer, "Derek, carry," she continued to drink her juice, one hand gripped to Derek's shirt.</p>
      <p>Derek laughed and stood as he lifted Zola, holding her steady against him, "Come on, then."</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed with a small shake of her head as she watched them, "You know she's got you wrapped around her finger now?" She took the handles of the empty pram, taking it out of her office and holding the door for them.</p>
      <p>"You know what? I think I'm okay with that," Derek said with a grin and Zola shook the juice carton to indicate she'd finished with it. Derek took it and put it in the bin by the elevator before they all stepped in together, "Okay, Zola, what's for dinner?"</p>
      <p>"Pizza!" Zola clapped her hands together as she answered, enticing a laugh from both Meredith and Derek as they stepped off the elevator into the main lobby of the hospital.</p>
      <p>"I need to go put these things in the car and then we can go to that place down the street, do you guys want to wait here and I'll be right back," she smiled at both of them and pressed a soft kiss to the side of Zola's head.</p>
      <p>Zola nodded, "stay with Derek, Mama," she said holding her palm against her chest.</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded with a grin, "You stay with Derek, Zo." She took hold of the pram again and headed out to her car with it to pack it back into the car with her bags.</p>
      <p>Derek stood by the nurses' station, holding Zola as they waited for Meredith to come back. He sat her on the high desk in front of them as he saw Lexie approaching them, "You headed out for the night, Dr Shepherd?" She asked, then noticed Zola there with him, "Hey, Zo!"</p>
      <p>Zola grinned as she saw Lexie, instantly recognising her from her time in the hospital, but unaware of the familial connection between them, "Dr Lexie! We gon' get pizza," Zola told her with a nod, clasping her hands together.</p>
      <p>"Oh yeah, where's Mommy?" Lexie asked with a raised eyebrow toward Derek.</p>
      <p>"She's just gone to the car, she'll be back in a minute," Derek explained as Zola looked to him, unsure how to answer.</p>
      <p>"I see, well, I hope you have a great time," she looked over as Meredith approached them, "Hey, Meredith."</p>
      <p>"Hey, Lexie," she said as she reached to pick Zola up, "Ready to go?"</p>
      <p>Derek turned to Lexie, reading the slight tension between Meredith and her half-sister, "Okay so I'll be back in at 8 tomorrow morning, but call me if there's anything?"</p>
      <p>Lexie nodded, "I'm sure we'll be fine, go enjoy your pizza," she said with a wink to Zola, making her giggle.</p>
      <p>Zola waved at Lexie, "Bye, Lex," she grinned from where she was being held on Meredith's hip and held on to her mother again.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>Lexie watched as the three of them headed out the main door of the hospital. She wanted to get to know her sister more, and her niece for that matter. She was aware this would probably take time; Meredith was definitely stand-offish, and they barely spoke since Zola was discharged. Their father had barely spoken of Meredith, she'd only even found out she'd existed when Meredith showed up on their doorstep 7 years ago to see him but didn't want anything from him. From most of the information given to her by her mother, she didn't blame Meredith for wanting nothing to do with them. Lexie wasn't her father, though.</p>
      <p>As she walked back through the hospital, she crossed paths with the handsome, tall, dark-blonde guy she'd seen around a few times. Mark, she thinks that's his name. Or maybe that was that guy she kept hearing about who screwed over Derek. This time she saw him though, he had indigo scrubs and a white coat on, so he can't have been that guy, could he?</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>"Okay, I'm going to be completely honest with you right now, I have no idea how this works," Meredith admitted as she lay in Derek's hold, her back against his chest with his arms holding her close around her waist. Her head tilted back against his shoulder and he looked down at her with soft eyes.</p>
      <p>"How what works?" he asked, his fingers playing with a strand of her hair.</p>
      <p>"I mean, I'm still learning the parent thing, and I haven't done the relationship thing since intern year, and apparently I was really, really bad at it then," she tried to explain, biting her lower lip.</p>
      <p>"First of all, the parenting thing? You're doing an amazing job and you don't need to worry about that," he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, "Secondly, I've been married to the same person for eleven years, this is all new to me too. All we can promise each other is that we try, and we show up," his arms pulled her closer to him as he kissed her again and she twisted her body slightly, moving to straddle him and his hands moved to her hips, "I'm all in, Meredith Grey."</p>
      <p>She grinned softly against his lips, "I'm all in too, Derek Shepherd," she laughed softly and wove her fingers into his hair, "Remember how I said about going slow? Maybe I was wrong about that, I mean, you're also irresistible," she echoed his words from earlier that day in her office.</p>
      <p>He gripped her hips a little tighter as their kiss deepened and she pressed her hips into his, "Does this mean we can continue what I started earlier?" He mumbled, moving his lips down her neck slowly.</p>
      <p>She laughed softly and tilted her head to one side to give him a little more space to move, "It most definitely does."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <em>Baby, I'm never gonna leave you, say that you wanna be with me too.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>I'ma stay through it all, so jump then fall.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <strong>Jump Then Fall – Taylor Swift</strong>
      </p>
    </div>
  </div>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Ready Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Feet firm on the ground, we stood hand in hand.</em>
</p><hr/><p>A few weeks had passed, and they fell into a comfortable routine. Well, as much as a routine that two doctors could have with a four-year-old girl. They didn't spend every single night together, but when they did, Meredith felt more part of a family than she ever had in her life. Word of their relationship had began spreading around the hospital, more so on the mornings they both came in with Zola, but neither was too bothered about hospital gossip.</p><p>That night, Derek was pulled into surgery that was sure to last all night and Meredith was home with Zola for one of their many movie nights, the ones they had the night before Meredith would have a day off. She settled in the corner of the couch with Zola in her lap, ready to start the movie before Zola interrupted her thoughts, looking up at her, "Mama, Derek coming?"</p><p>She smiled down at the young girl, shaking her head a little, "Not tonight, Zo, he's at the hospital."</p><p>This seemed to satisfy Zola, and they began to watch the movie together. Zola was concentrated on the movie playing, but Meredith just watched her daughter, her fingers smoothing over her hair. Around half-way into the movie, Zola started falling asleep against her. Once she had fully drifted off to sleep, she kept one arm around her as she reached to pick up the remote to turn off the tv.</p><p>As she stood holding Zola steady against her, she heard the front door opening. She walked into the hall, smiling at Maggie as she walked in, speaking in a whisper, "Hey, Mags. She just fell asleep."</p><p>"Can we talk, in the kitchen? When you've put her down," Maggie asked in an equally quiet voice.</p><p>Meredith started walking up the stairs and nodded, "I'll be right down." She took Zola up to her room and carefully lowered her on to the mattress, tucking her in and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before turning out the light and making her way back downstairs to speak to Maggie.</p><p>She found her in the kitchen and sat at one of the stools on the breakfast bar, watching as Maggie mixed a mystery batter in front of her. Meredith raised an eyebrow at her, and Maggie explained with a shrug, "Cookies."</p><p>"Okay, so what did you want to talk about?" Meredith was pretty sure she already knew what the conversation would be about. She rested her elbows on the table and sat her chin on her hands.</p><p>Maggie continued mixing the batter in the bowl as she spoke, "I just wanted to check-in, see how you're doing. I feel like I've barely seen you the past few weeks."</p><p>"I'm good, things are going well," she said with a smile and she stood off the stool, wandering to the cereal cupboard and grabbing a box of Zola's cocoa krispies and then moved back to where she was sat, snacking on the cereal as Maggie spoke.</p><p>"You have this happiness about you. I haven't seen it before, I mean, not that you walk around miserable or anything," Maggie felt like she was starting to ramble a little, "my point is, I'm happy to see you happy."</p><p>Meredith was a little confused for a moment, "I am happy, I mean, I'm kind of still waiting for the other show to drop. That's how my life has played out so far, things go well and then other shoe drops," she shrugged before continuing, "he makes me happy, Mags. I know he's let me down before, but I can't completely fault him," she ate another handful of cereal, "she was fighting the divorce, it could have affected my position with Zola's adoption."</p><p>At this, Maggie put the bowl down, "I don't understand."</p><p>She shrugged a little, "I guess it doesn't look good on me being with him when he's still technically married."</p><p>"And now?" She questioned.</p><p>"He's almost divorced?" When she thought about it, she wasn't actually sure of where they stood, legally.</p><p>"That's still not divorced," Maggie pointed out as she started shaping the cookie dough into balls on the baking tray.</p><p>Meredith packed the cereal back away and put it in the cupboard, "I want him in her life. It's too early though, right? I'm still adopting her as a sole parent at the moment, unless something changes."</p><p>"I think it would be the safest thing to do, make sure everything goes through easier. He can always adopt her after you've got permanent custody guaranteed. Have they updated you anymore?" Maggie asked as she put the baking tray into the pre-heated oven.</p><p>"Janet called the other day, still waiting on a hearing date but she doesn't think it should take much longer. They have all the paperwork, all the relevant information," she sighed as she leaned against the counter.</p><p>"You've never been very good with the whole patience thing, have you?" Maggie said with a laugh as she watched her sister, "You don't need to worry, they'd be stupid not to let the adoption go through."</p><p>She smiled gratefully at her sister, "Thanks, Maggie, I'm going to head up to bed."</p><p>Meredith made her way up to the bedroom after saying goodnight to Maggie, quickly checking in on Zola on her way past, smiling at the image of her fast asleep in the bed. As she went into her bedroom, her phone started buzzing in her pocket. She pulled it out to find a message from Derek.</p><p>
  <em>Just got out of surgery, Zola asleep?</em>
</p><p>She quickly typed out a response, to let him know Zola had gone to sleep and she was going to sleep soon after, and she'd see him tomorrow. Her conversation with Maggie replayed in her mind, about the divorce. She put the phone on charge not waiting for a reply from him and took off her clothes before climbing into bed and shortly falling asleep, exhausted from the day.</p><hr/><p>Derek had just sent a message to Meredith to let her know that his surgery was over as he was on his way to his office. He quickly checked his watch, it was getting late, but he hadn't arranged to stay with Meredith that night, so she wasn't expecting him. As he gathered his things from his office, pulling his coat on, he felt his phone buzz with Meredith's response. He couldn't quite pinpoint what it was, but something seemed off. She'd said she was going to sleep though, so he figured it'd be best if he went to back to his own apartment for the night. He sent her a message to wish her a good night, letting her know he would be at his apartment if she needed him.</p><p>He picked up his mail when he arrived at the apartment building, looking through it as he rode the elevator up to his apartment that he hadn't actually been to over the past two days. As he stepped off the elevator, he opened a large manilla envelope, pulling out the paperwork that had been sent to him from New York. His divorce was final. It showed the date of finalisation. It was finally over.</p><p>As he entered his apartment, he was giddy almost, wanting to call Meredith, to let her know the update, but glancing at the clock on the wall that showed it was now nearing midnight, he decided against this. He would go over in the morning. Tomorrow was a rare day, where they both had the day scheduled off at the same time. He put the documents and the rest of his mail down on the desk by his living room window before going to get ready for bed.</p><hr/><p>He woke to the sound of his phone ringing and he reached over, grabbing it from the side table where he had left it charging the night before. Meredith's picture lit up the screen and he answered with a smile, but his voice still thick with sleep, "Good morning."</p><p>"Hey, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" she asked, sounding slightly concerned at the thought of waking him.</p><p>"It's okay, I was getting up soon anyway," he reassured her, "What's up?"</p><p>Before Meredith could answer, he heard Zola's voice in the background, "Derek make pancakes!"</p><p>He chuckled softly as Meredith got the chance to speak, "She wouldn't drop it until I tried to call you, at least, and ask if you could make pancakes?" He could swear he heard her roll her eyes at her daughter's antics, "We can come over there."</p><p>"No, I mean yes, I can make pancakes, but I'll come to you guys, stay in bed a little longer," he said as he climbed out of bed himself, moving over to his dresser to grab sweatpants and a clean top, "Do you have ingredients?"</p><p>Meredith thought a moment before answer, Maggie had been baking last night but she couldn't be too sure what was left in the kitchen, "I honestly don't know," she admitted with a laugh.</p><p>He joined in with her laughter, "I'll stop by the store on my way, do you need anything else while I'm there?"</p><p>"Maybe just some fresh juice," she suggested, "I'll let you go, Zola's getting a bit impatient," he could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke about Zola, "See you soon."</p><p>"See you soon," he responded, pausing a moment before hanging up the call, "Meredith?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I love you," he said with a widening smile.</p><p>He heard a soft sigh down the phone before she responded, almost as though she was relieved to hear him say it, "I love you too."</p><hr/><p>Meredith ended the call and put the phone back on the side table before picking Zola up in her arms, "Looks like someone is getting pancakes this morning."</p><p>Zola giggled as she snuggled into Meredith's chest as she lay with her in the bed once more, "Thanks, Mama."</p><p>She laughed softly and pressed a soft kiss to the top of Zola's head, "Anytime, Zo."</p><p>Zola looked up at her mother from where she was snuggled in her chest, "Derek like a daddy?"</p><p>Meredith looked down at Zola, her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she thought a moment on how to answer the question, "What do you mean, baby?"</p><p>As Zola explained, Meredith pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "Mer is mama," she placed a hand on Meredith's chest before continuing, "Derek is daddy?" She said the last part like a question.</p><p>Meredith kept her eyes on Zola, giving her adopted daughter her full attention, "Do you want Derek to be your daddy?"</p><p>Zola thought for a moment before answering, and when she spoke, she had a grin on her face, "Makes pancakes, and pasta, and reads stories, and good cuddles, love Derek, Mommy."</p><p>Meredith returned Zola's grin, "Well maybe you should ask him later, when he gets here?" Zola frowned, seemingly upset and Meredith sat up pulling Zola into her lap, keeping her arms around her, "What's wrong, Zo?"</p><p>Zola's face buried into her chest and she heard her mumble, "Maybe Derek don't want to be daddy."</p><p>She began rocking Zola slowly, in attempt to soothe her as she spoke in a quiet voice, "I think he does, baby," she tried to sound confident in her answer, but she still had a nagging voice of doubt in the back of her head, her hand moved up and down Zola's back gently, "How about I'll ask him, and then we'll know, okay?"</p><p>Zola looked up at her and simply nodded before burying herself back against Meredith. They sat like that for five more minutes and she could feel the young girl starting to fall back asleep after having worked herself up a little bit. She heard a knock on the door and was about to get up to answer it when she heard Maggie opening it. She'd completely forgotten her sister was home.</p><p>She heard the muffled noise of their conversation as they walked into the kitchen and shortly after, steps coming up the staircase before Derek appeared in her doorway, taking in the scene in front of him, noticing Zola had fallen back to sleep.</p><p>He spoke in a quiet voice as he went to sit on the side of the bed, facing Meredith, "Hey."</p><p>"Hey, she just fell back asleep, but I can wake her," she spoke in a quiet voice, looking towards Derek, "I need to get a shower anyway."</p><p>He shook his head, "No, here I'll take her," he moved to sit on the bed against the pillows, beside her, having already taken his shoes off downstairs. Meredith carefully passed a sleeping Zola to him, and he took her, holding her against his chest as she stayed asleep.</p><p>As she got up, Meredith pressed a soft kiss to Derek's lips, which he returned, "Thanks, I won't take too long."</p><p>"Take all the time you need," she heard him say as she walked into the en-suite bathroom, as she stripped her clothes and consequentially got in the shower, her mind was filled with thoughts on how she'd bring up the topic with him that she'd just been discussing with Zola. She still had yet to ask about the divorce.</p><p>She left the small room, a towel wrapped under her arms around her body, and grinned at the sight she saw. In the time she'd been in the shower, Derek himself had fallen back to sleep with Zola against him. She resolved to leave them like that as she dried herself off, changing into loungewear before going through to Zola's room and grabbing her a change of clothes.</p><p>She put the clothes down on her bed, moving back over to where Derek was with Zola. She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead as she picked Zola up again, which caused Derek to stir a moment before he woke again, "Sorry, I must've drifted off."</p><p>"It's okay, if you hadn't come in when you did I'd have fallen asleep too," she gave him a warm smile as he fully woke himself up and then her attention turned to Zola who she held on her hip. Her hand patted against her back gently as she spoke in a soft voice, "Come on, Zo, time to wake up."</p><p>The small girl roused in her hold, a yawn escaping her lips as she simply clung to Meredith a little tighter. After another moment, her eyes started to open and she murmured softly, "Mama?"</p><p>"Hey, sleepyhead," she greeted her with a soft kiss to the top of her head.</p><p>Zola hadn't yet realised Derek was in the room with them and buried her head against Meredith's shoulder with a mumble, "Mama, toilet."</p><p>At this, Meredith took Zola into the bathroom, leaving Derek sat on the bed alone. A moment later, he heard Zola's footsteps as she moved across the hall and back into the room, seeing him sat there. She lifted her arms to him to be lifted up and he obliged, "Hey, Zo, ready for pancakes?"</p><p>Zola giggled and nodded, wrapping her arms around Derek's neck in a hug as Meredith came back into the room, "Missed you, Derek."</p><p>"I missed you too, Zo," he said with a grin, holding her close, "Are you going to get dressed now while I go start the pancakes?"</p><p>Zola nodded and pulled back from him, climbing off his lap and over to wear Meredith was waiting with her clothes. As she started to help her change, Derek got up off the bed, giving Meredith a smile before heading back down to the kitchen to start prepping the pancake mix from the ingredients he'd brought over. Maggie appeared to have left the house since she'd let him in.</p><p>As he was ready to start pouring the mixture into the pan, Meredith came down with Zola held on her hip and he saw Zola say something to her a moment out of earshot before Meredith nodded and set Zola on her feet. He watched as Zola went into the living room and he heard the tv turn on. Meredith went into the kitchen and stood across from Derek.</p><p>"So," she started, leaning forward against the counter.</p><p>Before she could say anything, Derek spoke, "I got an interesting letter in the mail."</p><p>She looked to him and raised an eyebrow, curious, "Yeah?"</p><p>He nodded as he poured batter into the frying pan and then looked up at her, "The divorce is officially finalised, legally."</p><p>Definitely not what she was expecting him to say, "Oh, is this, are you okay?" She asked him, treading carefully.</p><p>He nodded as he flipped the pancake, "More than. I'm finally closing that chapter of my life and moving on," he looked up at her, trying to read her reaction.</p><p>"Good, that's good then," she responded, moving around the kitchen island to stand beside him. He moved one arm around her waist as his other hand held the handle of the frying pan.</p><p>He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, and she looked up at him, "Moving on with you, if you didn't catch on to that."</p><p>She laughed softly and pressed a kiss to his cheek before pulling away and moving over the fridge, "I got it, I'm just processing."</p><p>"I feel like there was something you were going to talk to me about?" he asked as he moved on to the next pancake, watching as she grabbed the bottle of fresh juice, grabbing two glasses for them and Zola's plastic sippy cup.</p><p>"More of a conversation I wanted to have with you, on Zola's behalf," she said as she poured the drinks.</p><p>"Sounds like an important conversation," he observed, still keeping a watch on her as he continued to cook the pancakes.</p><p>She laughed softly as she fastened the lid of Zola's cup, "One second," she went through to the other room to pass Zola her drink before returning, sitting on the stool across from where he stood, "I was going to ask, actually, to see if you had heard anything about the divorce first, but I guess you answered my question before I could ask," she took a sip of her drink before continuing as he listened to what she had to say, "Zola wanted to know if you wanted to be her dad."</p><hr/><p>
  <em>The world seemed to tell me, that I have a plan.<br/>Together we sang, I'm ready now.</em>
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  <strong>Ready Now – Dodie.</strong>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Feels Like This</h2></a>
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        <em>When it feels like this, like a light came on, and you look at me, like I'm all you want.</em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>"<em>Zola wanted to know if you wanted to be her Dad."</em></p>
      <p>Her words had him stood there in shock, looking at her. Had she said what he thought she'd said? Had he misheard her?</p>
      <p>When he didn't say anything, she looked up at him to find he was watching her, clearly unsure what to say. She raised an eyebrow at him, "Derek?"</p>
      <p>His attention was taken by the pancake that had started to burn in the pan and he muttered under his breath, "Crap," as he went to scrape it into the bin and she looked on in concern, but also slight amusement.</p>
      <p>"Are you okay?" She asked, standing to walk around the kitchen island to him as he put the pan down and turned off the gas stove. "I just, I wanted to ask first and I don't know how it'll affect the adoption or anything like that," she could feel herself starting to ramble and stopped herself, "She was scared you wouldn't want to."</p>
      <p>His hands rested on her waist as he looked at her, grinning softly, "Of course I want to, Meredith. And don't worry, we'll work it out, don't worry about that," he pressed a soft kiss to her lips.</p>
      <p>She let her lips linger on his for a moment before speaking again, "Maybe you could move in, if you wanted to, I mean. Or we could find somewhere together," she suggested.</p>
      <p>"Now you're just beating me to the punch," he grinned at the confusion on her face and continued, "I have all that land, you see, I haven't taken you there yet, but I want to build a house there for us, if you want to."</p>
      <p>"You want to build us a house?" She said in almost disbelief.</p>
      <p>He nodded as he watched her mull it over, "I want forever with you, Meredith," his arms moved around her around as he pulled her closer to him and pressed a kiss to her forehead.</p>
      <p>They were interrupted when Zola wandered into the kitchen, asking for Meredith, "Mama, hungry!"</p>
      <p>Meredith turned to look at her, having momentarily forgotten that Derek was making them breakfast and she pulled away from Derek to lift Zola up into her arms, "Almost ready, Zo."</p>
      <p>"You're just in time Zola," Derek told her as he took a plate of pancakes ready for Zola to eat over to the table, setting them in front of the chair she normally sat at.</p>
      <p>Zola clapped her hands and grinned as Meredith set her down in her seat, "Thanks, Derek," she said to him before starting to eat the cut-up pieces of pancake with her hands.</p>
      <p>"You're welcome, Zola," he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head as she ate, causing her to giggle. He moved over to where Meredith stood, leaning against the counter watching Zola. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she leaned into his side with a soft sigh.</p>
      <p>She spoke in a quiet voice, "I want forever with you, too."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>The three of them spent the day mostly indoors. After lunch, they took Zola on a walk down to the nearby park, where she spent time being pushed by Derek on the swings, followed by a walk down to the small lake to feed the ducks. By the time they got back, Zola was asleep being carried by Derek who set her down on the couch when they got back, pulling a small blanket over her.</p>
      <p>Meredith took the time to tidy up Zola's toys from around the living room while Derek cleaned up from breakfast and lunch in the kitchen. When Meredith took a few cups from the living room into the kitchen, she placed them beside the sink where Derek was washing up, "You do know I own a dishwasher, right?"</p>
      <p>He laughed softly and rolled his eyes, both keeping their voices relatively low to avoid waking Zola up, "Yes, I am aware." He took his hands out of the washing up bowl, drying them on a tea towel before wrapping his arms around her middle, planting a kiss to her lips.</p>
      <p>She grinned softly against his lips as she returned his kiss, her hands sliding over his shoulders and linking at the base of his neck. She giggled softly and tilted her head to the side as his lips moved to kiss down her neck slowly. His lips found their way to just below her ear and he whispered softly, "Have you thought more about what I said?"</p>
      <p>She nodded and looked back to him, still in his hold, "I think that we should take this step, by step. Even if the steps are little bit out of order," she gently bit her lower lip as he took in what she was saying.</p>
      <p>"You're right, it's a lot for one day. Let's focus on Zola and then we'll take it from there?" He suggested, his eyes darting between hers and the lip trapped by her teeth.</p>
      <p>She moved closer to him, her body slightly pressed into his and he held he tightened his hold on her as her face buried against his neck with a soft murmur, "Thank you."</p>
      <p>He pressed a soft kiss to her hair and murmured back, "I'm not going anywhere, Meredith, we can do this at your pace."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>When Meredith ended up getting a call from the hospital just before she was about to start getting Zola ready for bed, and ended up being called into the hospital for an emergent issue with one of her patients, Derek stayed to look after Zola and go through her night-time routine. He reassured Meredith multiple times that they would both be okay if she went, and she checked with Zola who was more than happy for Derek to look after her.</p>
      <p>"Okay, Zo, I'm going now, be good for Derek okay?" She said, giving Zola one last hug before she left.</p>
      <p>"I'm good, Mommy!" Zola giggled and it warmed Meredith's heart.</p>
      <p>"I know you are, baby, maybe you need to look after Derek?" She teased, pressing a kiss to her cheek.</p>
      <p>Just as she went to pull away, Zola clung to her jacket to pull her back and whispered, or so she thought, to Meredith, "You ask Derek?"</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded, giving her daughter one last squeeze as she spoke quietly to her, "Yes, I did. You can ask, okay?"</p>
      <p>Zola giggled and nodded as she pulled back from Meredith who stood back up, giving Derek a kiss on the cheek, "Call me if you need anything."</p>
      <p>"I know, now go, we'll be fine," Derek laughed softly and squeezed her hand gently before Meredith left the door. He looked down at Zola who was looking up at him, "Let's get ready for bed then." He leaned down and lifted her into his arms.</p>
      <p>She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning sleepily against him. He carried her up the stairs to her room and set her down on the bed. As instructed by Meredith, he grabbed a set of pyjamas out of her top drawer and helped her change into them. She climbed off the bed and led him through to the bedroom where he helped her with brushing her teeth. She reached up for him to lift her and he obliged as she spoke, "Milk, please."</p>
      <p>"And then story time?" He asked as he carried her down the stairs to the kitchen, keeping her held on his waist as he got a clean sippy cup for her, pouring it halfway with milk before securing the lid and giving it to Zola to hold. She took it without argument and started to drink from it as they went back up the stairs and into Zola's room, "Which story, Zo?"</p>
      <p>She wriggled a little and he set her down, watching a she went over to her bookcase, drink in one hand as she examined them before pulling one out and raising it up to him, "Read in Mommy's bed," she requested.</p>
      <p>Derek thought a moment before nodding, "Okay, Zo," he took the book from her and she grinned, walking ahead of him into Meredith's room and climbing up onto the bed. He helped her up before sitting on the bed with her where she crawled into his lap. He opened the book in front of her with one arm around her, starting to read.</p>
      <p>Around half-way through the book, Zola stopped Derek, looking up at him, "Do you want to be my daddy, Derek?"</p>
      <p>He looked down at her, his mind going back to the conversation earlier with Meredith. He grinned softly and nodded, "I do want to be your daddy, Zola," he could feel his heart swelling with emotion. Zola simply nodded and turned back to the book, patting the page with her hand to indicate that he continues to read while she drank her milk.</p>
      <p>He lay back against the headboard so that she was lay back against his chest while he continued reading the book to her. When the book was almost finished, his eyes glances to her to see that she had almost fallen asleep against him. By the time he finished the book, she was in a deep sleep and he moved the cup that had fallen onto his lap to put it on the side table.</p>
      <p>Being careful not to jostle her too much, he moved her to lay her in the bed beside him, pulling the duvet up around her as she shifted in her sleep, curling up on her side. He was watching her with a proud smile when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out to find a message from Meredith.</p>
      <p>
        <em>Everything okay?</em>
      </p>
      <p>He couldn't help but smile at the message. He thought a moment before deciding to take a picture of a sleeping Zola to send to her, writing a message beneath. <em>All good here.</em> She replied less than a minute later.</p>
      <p>
        <em>Good, I'm just heading into surgery, should be back around midnight if all goes well.</em>
      </p>
      <p>He replied to let her know not to rush and that he'd see her when she got back and set his phone on the side table before getting up to go downstairs, locking the front door and turning out the lights before heading back up to the bedroom. He figured he might as well try and get some sleep now while waiting for Meredith. He also didn't want to leave Zola on her own in case she woke up. He turned off the light in the bedroom before climbing into the bed, careful not to disturb Zola, and found it a lot easier to fall asleep than he thought he would.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <em>I got everything, at my fingertips. How can I resist, when it feels like this?</em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <strong>Feels Like This – Maisie Peters.</strong>
      </p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Personal Best</h2></a>
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        <em>You're my favourite escape in the city,<br/>And I don't feel right unless you are here with me,<br/>All that we are is the greatest of victories.</em>
      </p>
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      <p>The house was silent, and all the lights had been turned off when she returned in the early hours of the morning. Being as quiet as she could, she went through to the kitchen and dropped her bag down on the table before grabbing a chilled bottle of water from the fridge. She kept the downstairs hall light on so she could see where she was going as she made her way up to the bedroom, not wanting any lighter bright to potentially flood into the upstairs bedrooms.</p>
      <p>As she passed Zola's room, she looked in, confused to see her bed empty and started to panic slightly. She immediately went into her own room, and her heart almost stopped at the sight of Derek and Zola before her in the bed. A grin spread across her lips and she moved over to the side Derek was lay on, leaning to press a kiss to his forehead, watching as he stirred a little and looked up at her.</p>
      <p>"Mer?" A soft mumble escaped his lips as his eyes squinted to see her better.</p>
      <p>Her fingers brushed through his hair a little as she spoke quietly, "I just got back, it's early, go back to sleep."</p>
      <p>He responded with a low hum and his arms moved around her waist, pulling her down beside him and she laughed softly, aware of Zola asleep still on his other side as she whispered her protests, "Derek, I need to change."</p>
      <p>He sighed softly and gave her a playful smile before pressing a soft kiss to her lips and murmured, his voice thick with sleep, "Don't take too long."</p>
      <p>His arms loosened their hold around her and she climbed back up off the bed, pulling her phone out of her pocket. She used the dim torch setting to find her cotton pyjama pants and ratty Dartmouth tshirt, setting the phone back down as she changed. She moved back over to the bed, now stood next to Zola's side to put her phone on charge.</p>
      <p>She crouched beside the bed, her eyes on Zola's body as she lay there in a deep sleep. Her fingers tips brushed across her soft cheek as she felt eyes on her. She shifted her gaze up, grinning softly as Derek watched her and she spoke in a quiet voice still, "How was she?"</p>
      <p>"Perfect, Meredith," his hand reached forward and took hers in it's grasp, giving a gentle squeeze as he spoke, his voice staying at a whisper, "Thank you."</p>
      <p>Meredith raised an eyebrow, momentarily confused, "What for?"</p>
      <p>"Letting me be a part of your life, and Zola's life," he raised her hand to his lips, planting a soft kiss in her palm as a grin spread across her lips, which he mirrored, "Come to bed, we'll be up in a few hours."</p>
      <p>She nodded and paused a moment, trying to figure out the logistics of getting in the bed with him without waking Zola. Derek tugged her hand to get her attention before releasing it and moving off the bed, gesturing for her to come round and climb in his side. She walked around and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before climbing into bed beside Zola, facing her as Derek followed, his arms circling Meredith's waist from behind.</p>
      <p>She grinned as he pulled the duvet back around them, and she tucked Zola in a little more where the sheets had dropped. Meredith's eyes closed as Derek's face nuzzled against the back of her neck, pressing soft kisses to her skin. She felt his hot breath tingle her skin as he whispered, "Goodnight, I love you."</p>
      <p>She whispered softly in return, not even sure if he'd already gone back to sleep or not, "I love you too."</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>A few hours later, she was awoken to little fingers poking her cheek and a small voice, "Mommy, wake up."</p>
      <p>She blinked a little as she woke to see Zola's face close to hers and she grinned softly, her arm reaching to pull Zola closer to her. As she hugged her to her, she realised Derek was no longer in the bed with them. She rolled on to her back and pulled Zola across her chest, causing her to squeal in delight, "Good morning, baby girl, where's Derek gone?"</p>
      <p>Zola giggled and shook her head as she moved to sit up again beside Meredith, and Meredith sat up a little with a confused look at her daughter whose hands were covering her mouth. She lifted her at the waist and sat her in her lap, "What is it, Zo?"</p>
      <p>"Derek is daddy now!" Zola exclaimed, still giggling to herself and Meredith couldn't help but laugh with her, tickling Zola's sides a little causing her to giggle more.</p>
      <p>She stood up off the bed, holding Zola on her hip, "Shall we go and see where Daddy is then?"</p>
      <p>Zola nodded enthusiastically as her arms wrapped around Meredith's neck, Meredith's arms securely holding her in place against her side as she walked down to the kitchen. As she approached the room, the strong smell of coffee invaded her nostrils, bringing a grin to her face.</p>
      <p>Derek was speaking with someone on the phone, but this didn't stop Zola reaching for him with excitement, "Daddy!"</p>
      <p>Meredith kept a hold of Zola, seeing that Derek was still on the phone even though he was grinning and held Zola's hand, but she was still wanting Derek to hold her. Meredith spoke quietly, "Daddy's just on the phone, Zo."</p>
      <p>When Zola shook her head, insistent still on Derek holding her, his eyes widened a little and he held the phone between his ear and shoulder, still listening to whoever was on the other end and took Zola in his arms, holding her securely with one arm before holding the phone to his ear again, "Mom, I've got to go, I'll call you later."</p>
      <p>Meredith raised an eyebrow as she realised who he was speaking to, hearing a slightly raised voice on the other end of the phone but not quite able to decipher what was being said. She moved over to the coffee machine and poured herself a mug of the freshly brewed coffee.</p>
      <p>"I promise, Mom, I will, okay?" Another pause, "Love you too, Ma, goodbye." He ended the call and put the phone down to give Zola his full attention now, as she had been babbling to him about, what he assumed to be, her dream from last night. "Okay, Zola, what's for breakfast?"</p>
      <p>Meredith watched them, leaning against the counter as she sipped at her coffee, engrossed in their interaction as he set her in the chair at the table and poured her milk and cereal, pouring some milk into a plastic cup for her. Her eyes flickered to the clock on the front of the oven, not having realised the time. She finished off the coffee and set it in the sink as Derek walked over to her, standing in front of her as her arms snaked around his neck loosely, "I have to go get ready, I'm due at the hospital in an hour. Your Mom called?"</p>
      <p>Derek nodded and pressed a soft, quick kiss to her lips, "She wants us to go visit soon, spend a weekend there," he said as his arms circled her waist, "I hadn't quite got to the whole, you're a grandma again part when you guys came down."</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed softly at his playful expression, "I'm sorry, a grandma again?" She raised an eyebrow, momentarily confused by the use of the word 'again'.</p>
      <p>Derek shook his head with a small laugh, "No, I don't have any secret children. My sisters' kids."</p>
      <p>"Oh, yeah, sorry my head is… I'm tired," she laughed softly as he kissed her again. He pulled back from her as she moved over to where Zola sat, "Zo, day care today, okay?"</p>
      <p>Zola nodded, still eating away at her cereal as she grinned up at her mother. Derek poured himself another mug of coffee as he spoke, "I've showered already so I'll get her ready, if you want."</p>
      <p>"Thanks, I won't take too long. She'll pick her own clothes," she gave them one last look as Derek sat in the chair beside Zola before heading up the stairs to get ready. As nervous as she was now feeling at the prospect of meeting Derek's family, she was filled with happiness for the first time in a long time.</p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <em>You're my personal best,<br/>My personal best.</em>
      </p>
      <hr/>
      <p>
        <strong>Personal Best. – Maisie Peters</strong>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Grandma's House</h2></a>
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      <p>Not a month later, and their plane was touching down in New York. Meredith had more than one reason to be nervous. First of all, it was the first time she had been on a plane with Zola, and Zola hadn't been on a plane since she had come over from Malawi. Thankfully, that had all gone down very well and Zola slept in Meredith's lap most of the flight. Now Meredith could focus on the second source of her nerves, Derek's family. As she thought about it, her grip tightened a little on Zola's sleeping form against her as she carried her through the airport, as though she were her life support.</p>
      <p>Derek, aware of Meredith's nerves, snaked an arm around her waist as they waited out the front of the airport for the rental car to be brought around. He pressed a kiss against the top of her head, murmuring so that she could hear, "They're going to love you, Meredith, simply because they know I love you."</p>
      <p>She looked up at him with a small smile, her hand rubbing up and down Zola's back in gentle motions as she felt her starting to stir. Her lips pressed to the top of Zola's head as Derek stepped forward to take the keys for the rental car from the attendant, thanking him with a tip. Zola had definitely chosen one of the worst times to wake up from her nap, just as they were about to get in the car.</p>
      <p>Meredith ducked into the back seat with her as Derek packed their bags into the trunk, and took his place in the driver's seat, "I'll sit with her, it'll be easier."</p>
      <p>He turned to look at Meredith who sat with Zola held against her with her head buried in Meredith's shoulder, soft disgruntles coming from the small girl as she opposed the bright sunlight and unfamiliarity of New York City. He gave them a wide grin as he spoke, "Okay, we'll just be twenty minutes from here."</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded as Derek turned back around to start driving the car. She sat back in the seat, continuously rubbing Zola's back as to comfort her the best she could with the unfamiliar surroundings. A few minutes later and Zola was looking up at her mother with bleary eyes, one hand reaching up to rub them as she mumbled, "Juice, Mama."</p>
      <p>Meredith just now realised her mistake. Zola's juice cup would be tucked away in her carry-on bag which now resided in the trunk of the rental car. She'd been so pre-occupied with the nerves of meeting Derek's family; she'd completely forgotten Zola would need her juice cup. She spoke in a soft voice as she held Zola a little closer, "I'm sorry baby, soon, okay?"</p>
      <p>She felt the small rumble in Zola's chest before hearing the small sobs escaping her lips. This was one of those times that made her feel like a horrible mother. Derek glanced to the both of them in the rear-view mirror with a small frown, "Is she okay?"</p>
      <p>At this point, Zola's face was buried against Meredith's chest, whose arms were wrapped tight around her, with one hand against her back as she rocked her gently in an attempt to console her barely awake daughter. She met Derek's eyes a second, a frown on her own face as well, "Juice cup. It's in the trunk."</p>
      <p>"We're just ten minutes out now, I'll grab it as soon as we stop," his eyes surveyed the road he was driving on and he muttered, Meredith only just about to hear him, "There's nowhere I can stop here."</p>
      <p>"It's okay, just focus on driving, Derek," she told him and turned her full attention to Zola, who was still releasing small, tired sobs against her chest. She pressed soft kisses against Zola's head as she continued to comfort her, but to no avail. "Come on, Zo, we're almost there and I bet Nana has lots of juice just waiting for you," her fingers gently wiped at the tears on Zola's cheeks, but Zola wasn't listening to her, seemingly too wound up and apparently in a terrible mood after her long sleep on the plane. Apparently the longer her nap, the worse her mood would be when she woke.</p>
      <p>With Zola still huddled against Meredith's chest, the car pulled into a driveway, but Meredith was too pre-occupied with comforting her daughter to take notice of her surroundings just yet. Next thing she knew, Derek had opened the car door beside her and was handing her Zola's sippy cup, which she quickly passed to Zola. At the sight of it, Zola gripped it with both hands and immediately started drinking the contents, immediately soothing herself.</p>
      <p>Derek stepped back with a soft grin as Meredith stepped out of the car with Zola in her arms, still unaware of the elderly lady stood at the front porch watching the small family in front of her. Satisfied that Zola's mood had settled for now, Meredith turned, "Do you need help with the bags?"</p>
      <p>Derek simply shook his head, "I'll get them in a minute, come on let's go inside," his hand rested at the small of her back as they turned to the front door. Derek grinned at his mother and went ahead of Meredith to greet her, having not seen her for almost six months now. As Meredith followed behind Derek, knowing how much this means to him, and well she couldn't back out of it now, could she?</p>
      <p>She felt Zola shy away against her shoulder as she also took in their surroundings. Derek's Mom stood on a pristine white porch, with a large oak door stood open behind her that led into the house. Meredith met the older woman's kind eyes and she returned the warm smile that was offered as she stood beside Derek, who proudly slid his arm around her again, "Mom, I'd like you to meet Meredith and Zola."</p>
      <p>At the sound of her name being spoken by Derek, Zola's head peaked up to look at him as Meredith spoke to his mother, "It's lovely to meet you, Mrs Shepherd."</p>
      <p>"Please, call me Carolyn," Carolyn responded with a warm smile still on her lips, her eyes looking over Zola. Meredith's attention was also taken by a small whine from Zola as she reached for Derek. Meredith took the now empty cup from her daughter before passing her over to Derek.</p>
      <p>She watched as they interacted with one another, the sight of them never failing to put a wide grin on her face. Derek held Zola on his hip, "This is my Mommy, Zola. She's your Nanna."</p>
      <p>Meredith watched, nervously biting her lower lip as she anticipated Zola's reaction, knowing how she could be around strangers. Zola looked at Carolyn and then back at Derek, who simply gave her an encouraging smile. Zola looked back at Carloyn a second before snuggling against Derek. Meredith looked to Carolyn, with an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry, she just woke as we left the airport…"</p>
      <p>Carolyn simply shook her head, keeping the smile on her face, "Don't worry, this must all be very overwhelming for her, let's not stand out here all day, let's go inside."</p>
      <p>"Where's everyone else, Ma?" Derek asked as he walked into the house behind his mother, keeping a close hold on Zola as Meredith followed behind them into the lounge. Meredith took a seat beside Derek on the two-seater sofa.</p>
      <p>"They're coming later on for dinner, I didn't want to overwhelm Zola with all these new people at once," she gave a warm smile as she watched Zola and Derek sat together, an obvious sense of pride radiating from her, "Can I get anyone a drink?"</p>
      <p>Zola perked up again, looking to Meredith who still held the sippy cup. Meredith stood up again, cup in hand, "I may have promised Zola some more juice," she grinned softly at her daughter who gave her a cheeky smile, and she leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head, and Derek took this opportunity to press a kiss to her cheek, causing her to blush.</p>
      <p>"I can do it, Mer," he offered as she stood up straight.</p>
      <p>Meredith simply shook her head, "It's okay, I got it."</p>
      <p>"Okay, I'll just take a coffee, Mom," he looked to Carolyn who simply nodded and led Meredith into the kitchen.</p>
      <p>"Derek told me blackcurrant was her favourite?" She said with a grin as she got down a bottle of blackcurrant cordial from a high cupboard and set it down on the counter for her.</p>
      <p>"Yeah, it is, thank you," Meredith said as she headed over to the sink to rinse out the small plastic cup.</p>
      <p>Carolyn worked on changing the filter in the coffee machine as she started up conversation with Meredith, "How's the adoption coming along?"</p>
      <p>Meredith spoke as she put together the cup of juice for Zola, "It's been held up a little with getting Derek's name added to it, but there doesn't seem to be anything else. Just a long process."</p>
      <p>Carolyn nodded with a sympathetic smile, "I'm sure it will all work out in your favour."</p>
      <p>They were interrupted by Zola toddling into the kitchen, looking for Meredith with Derek close on her heels, "Mama!"</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed softly and reached down to pick Zola up into her arms, "Are we wide awake now, Zo Zo?"</p>
      <p>Zola nodded with a grin and a giggle, "Frozen, Mama, Daddy said Frozen?"</p>
      <p>Meredith looked to Derek as she passed Zola her sippy cup again, who took it happily as she looked between her parents. Derek walked over to stand beside his mother, shrugging, "I may have said we could watch it soon."</p>
      <p>Carolyn chuckled softly, "I love that movie, Zola, shall we go and put it on?"</p>
      <p>Zola looked in a slight shock at Carolyn, before she looked up at Meredith, "Mama?"</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded, "Go on, Zo. It's okay, go with Nanna," she set the girl down on her feet, Zola still looking a little uncertain, "We'll be right in, Zo, go on."</p>
      <p>All eyes were on Zola now, and after a short second of deliberation she held her hand out to Carolyn, who took it and went with her into the lounge again. Meredith laughed softly as she walked over to Derek, who slid his arms around her waist and pulled her a little closer. He pressed his lips against her forehead with a soft murmur, "See, it's not so bad."</p>
      <p>"I like your mother, it's your sisters I'm worried about," she looked up at him through her eyelashes and he laughed softly, planting a soft kiss on her lips.</p>
      <p>"Well don't worry, okay? Do you want coffee?" He pulled away to grab three mugs from one of the cupboards as she nodded in agreement, and he poured a mug for them each, including one for his mother. Meredith picked up her mug and blew on it a little before taking a sip. Derek picked up the other two mugs, "Let's go see how they're holding up, yeah?"</p>
      <p>They walked together into the lounge, where Zola was sat beside Carolyn on the couch facing the TV where Frozen had begun to play. Zola was entranced by the bright animation in front of her, a tight grip on her sippy cup. Derek set a mug of coffee on table in front of her before going to sit in the armchair, motioning for Meredith to go sit beside Zola.</p>
      <p>As she sat down, Zola crawled into Meredith's lap, still keeping her eyes on the film in front of her as Derek and Carolyn spoke with one another, catching up on what Derek had missed in the past six months. With her arm protectively around Zola, as more a comfort to her than anything else, Meredith was definitely feeling much more at ease than she had when they'd first arrived. Maybe this visit wouldn't be so bad after all.</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. My Mommy</h2></a>
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      <p>Knowing she hadn't slept much the night before; Derek kept a watchful eye on his girlfriend as she curled up on the couch with their daughter close against her side. He felt the swell in his heart as he watched them together, in disbelief that he could be so lucky as to have them both in his life. Only five months ago, he didn't think he stood a chance of getting Meredith back in his life, and not only did he have her, he also had the pure joy of being a father for the first time. He'd forgotten how much he'd wanted to be a father until it was actually happening.</p>
      <p>His sisters were due in the next hour, and his mom had retreated into the kitchen to get dinner started. The credits started to roll on the screen as Zola's film ended. He found it fascinating how her obsessions changed week-on-week, although for the past two weeks she had been fixated with watching Frozen, both films.</p>
      <p>He stood up from the arm chair and moved to sit on the couch beside his girls. He pulled a giggling Zola into his lap and she squealed slightly, "Daddy!"</p>
      <p>He leaned over to press a soft kiss to Meredith's cheek, "Let's go sit outside while the weather is still nice."</p>
      <p>"Good idea," she gave him a small grin in return, and she stood up from the couch as he did, holding Zola on his hip.</p>
      <p>He led the way through to the kitchen, speaking to this mother who was stood over the stove, "We're going to sit outside, Ma, let Zola run off a little steam."</p>
      <p>"Okay, I'll bring out some fresh juice in a moment, it's still warm out there," his mother offered.</p>
      <p>"Thanks," Meredith said to her as she followed Derek outside into the back yard. She'd never lived anywhere with such a large grass area, preceded by a patio deck area. A swing-set sat near the back of the garden by the fence, and Meredith admired the well-kept flower beds as she sat on one of the patio chairs.</p>
      <p>Derek found a football for Zola to play with before going to sit beside Meredith as they both watched her kicking the ball around the grass. Meredith's head leant against his shoulder as their hands joined together resting on her lap as she released a soft sigh.</p>
      <p>Derek turned his head to press a kiss to the top of hers as he spoke, "What's up?"</p>
      <p>"I never thought I'd even want kids before I met Zola, and now I'm sat here wishing she at least had one sibling to play with," she said in a quiet voice, playing with his fingers in her lap.</p>
      <p>He enveloped her fingers with his, giving them a gentle squeeze as a hint of joy laced his tone, "You want to have a baby?"</p>
      <p>She looked up at him, a hint of a blush in her cheeks, "I mean, I know we've only really been together for five months, and we're still waiting on the finalisation of Zola's adoption… we haven't even spoken about marriage, and you want to build us a house…"</p>
      <p>Her words were cut short as Derek pressed his lips to hers, unable to stop grinning at her ramblings. When he pulled back, he still couldn't stop grinning as he spoke, "There's no specific timeline we have to follow, okay?" His lips moved close to under her ear, "and for the record, I would love nothing more than to be your husband, Meredith Grey."</p>
      <p>A shiver ran down her neck at his words and she couldn't help but smile at the warmth she felt inside her. She looked over at Zola again who was happily running around on the grass, kicking the ball around. Feeling Meredith's gaze on her, Zola turned around to grin wide at her, waving, "Mommy, play!"</p>
      <p>She laughed softly and stood from her chair, releasing Derek's hand as she pressed a kiss to his cheek, "I've been summoned."</p>
      <p>Derek chuckled as he sat back in his chair, watching Meredith and Zola playing together in his mother's garden. He had never felt so lucky in his life and, as he did every day, he felt privileged that she had given him a second chance after he had hurt by going back to Addison, however short-lived that was.</p>
      <p>His thoughts were interrupted when his mother came through the patio doors, a tray of glasses with a jug of fresh juice in her hands. She set it down on the table before taking a seat, her watch on Meredith as she lay on the grass holding a giggling Zola in the air. Derek reached forward to pour himself a glass of juice as Carolyn spoke, "I'm so glad you found them, Derek. I'm glad you've found your true happiness."</p>
      <p>"Me too, Mom," he grinned, feeling proud of them as he took a sip of his juice, watching as Meredith lifted Zola into her arms and approached them on the patio to rehydrate Zola and herself.</p>
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      <p>Dinner with the rest of Derek's family was unnerving to say the least. Only three out of his four sisters could attend, Amelia being the only one unable to, and thankfully they hadn't brought their husbands, or the many nieces and nephews Derek had told her about. The dinner itself had been amazing, and she could see where Derek got his cooking skills from.</p>
      <p>All three of them were charmed by Zola, although she had been shy to start with, she soon became more comfortable around his sisters. Meredith, on the other hand, was still trying to gauge their opinion of her. She knew Derek's family, and their opinions, meant a lot to him, even if he said they'd love her. She just couldn't get a good read on them; she had never been around family like this before.</p>
      <p>Eventually, the night came to an end and the three sisters had to get going. Zola had long since fallen asleep against Derek's chest as he held her there. Meredith watched as he said goodbye to them, still keeping Zola still against him, and then offered her own goodbye to them. All of a sudden, she was feeling quite tired herself, and after wishing his mother goodnight the three went up to Derek's childhood bedroom that had been made ready for their arrival.</p>
      <p>Derek's arm tightened around her slightly as they lay in the bed together, thankful his mother had set up the camp bed in the room for Zola so that she didn't need to sleep in the bed with them. He lowered his lips to hers a moment in a soft kiss, cupping her face with his hand. "You know they all loved you, and Zola."</p>
      <p>"I know they loved Zola," she murmured with a slight laugh, smirking up at him, "We just come as a pair, so they don't really have a choice about me."</p>
      <p>"Hush," he pressed another kiss to her lips, "They love you regardless. You make me happy, and they can see that. They just like to make things difficult."</p>
      <p>"I'll just take your word for it," she whispered, sliding one hand in-between then locks of his hair.</p>
      <p>"Hmm," he pressed a few more kisses to her lips, noticing the extent of her fatigue as her eyes started to flutter closed, "Sleep, baby, you barely slept last night. You're okay, Zola's okay, I'm okay." He'd come up with the small saying a few months back, having picked up on her little anxieties as she would start to sleep, wanting to triple check on Zola before she went to sleep, who was usually sound asleep and off in her own dreamland.</p>
      <p>"Thank you, I love you," she murmured, burying her face against his shoulder and he felt her breaths soften and slow down as she drifted off to sleep against him, his hand gently rubbing up and down her back as he followed her into sleep himself.</p>
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      <p>Meredith's eyes flew open, and she didn't know whether the noise had woken her, or if it started after she woke, but the sound of quiet sobbing in the room her had her up in seconds. She moved over to the camp bed where Zola had been asleep, finding her curled up in the small blanket with a mess of tears on her face. She reached down and lifted the small girl into her arms, holding her close on her hip and rubbing her back gently and murmuring, "Shh, Zola, I'm here, Mommy's here."</p>
      <p>A few hiccups left Zola's mouth as she melted into her mother's embrace, burying her face against her shoulder. She looked over, feeling eyes on her, to see Derek sat up in the bed, his face scrunched up with concern as he spoke quietly, "Is she okay?"</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded as she paced the room a little with Zola in her arms, bouncing her slightly as she did so and spoke quietly herself, not wanting to wake Carolyn, "Go back to sleep, it's okay." She gave him a small smile before pressing a kiss to the top of Zola's head, who was still trying to calm down from whatever has caused her crying. "I'm just going to take her down, she'll be wanting a drink."</p>
      <p>Derek nodded and watched as she walked quietly out of the room, almost as if Meredith was clinging on to Zola for dear life, but he wasn't about to go back to sleep until he knew they were both okay, so he figured he'd give them ten minutes before he went down himself.</p>
      <p>Meredith went quietly into the kitchen, keeping Zola held against her as she masterfully used one hand to make a small cup of water for her, having does this many times before, knowing it would help calm her daughter down. She went through into the living room and sat in the arm chair with Zola in her lap, still buried against her. She spoke quietly to her, "Come on, Zo, I got some water."</p>
      <p>Zola blinked a few times, looking up at Meredith before taking the small plastic cup in both of her hands, sipping at the water as Meredith rubbed her back gently, whispering soft comforts to her. After a moment, she stopped drinking and murmured softly, her voice slightly hoarse and thick with sleep, "Nana's house?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah, Zo, we're at Nana's house," she confirmed, realising being in an unknown place when she woke up was the reason for her upset.</p>
      <p>"Thought you gone," Meredith took the cup back from Zola as she buried her face into her chest again, her little arms going around Meredith's middle.</p>
      <p>Meredith set the cup down on the small table beside the armchair before wrapping her arms around Zola in a close hold, "I'm right here, baby, I'm not going anywhere. I'm never leaving you; I promise."</p>
      <p>A movement by the door caught Meredith's eye as she continued to comfort Zola, and she looked up to find Derek stood watching her with a soft smile on his face, seeing them together in the armchair. He moved over to them as their eyes met, running his fingers through Meredith's hair before pressing a kiss to her forehead, and then pressing a kiss to the top of Zola's head, who turned at the contact, grinning when she saw him there.</p>
      <p>"My Mommy," Zola mumbled, gripping on to Meredith's pyjama top adamantly, causing both Meredith and Derek to laugh softly.</p>
      <p>Derek nodded and ran a hand over Zola's back, "Yes she is, Zola, your Mommy."</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Becoming a Family</h2></a>
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      <p>"Zola, it's time to go!" Meredith called to her daughter from her bedroom, having left Zola in her own room to play while she got herself ready for the final adoption hearing.</p>
      <p>"Where's daddy?" Zola asked, coming into Meredith's bedroom, dragging along a stuffed lion teddy that Derek had found for her, and she's never let go of since.</p>
      <p>"I'm right here, Princess," Derek responded as he walked out of the en-suite bathroom, scooping Zola up into his arms as she giggled, enjoying the attention.</p>
      <p>Meredith watched a moment with a wide grin as Derek played with her, imitating the noise of a lion as he held up the teddy to her and she grabbed at it, still giggling. She moved up beside them, pressing a kiss to the side of Zola's head, "Come on you two, we need to get going."</p>
      <p>"We go to dinner, Mommy?" Zola asked, knowing the only other time they all got dressed up was to go out for dinner on their family nights out.</p>
      <p>"Later, baby," Meredith spoke as they headed down the stairs, "First we have to go somewhere very important, okay? Remember what we talked about?"</p>
      <p>They had reached the car at this point, and Derek was strapping her into the car seat as she thought hard and then a look of realisation hit Zola, "I 'member!"</p>
      <p>Derek chuckled softly and pressed a kiss to Zola's head before closing her door and climbing in the car with Meredith, ready to drive to the courthouse. He turned in his seat to look back at her, "What do you remember, Zola?"</p>
      <p>"MerMer is Mommy and Derek is daddy," she said with a sure nod and a grin on her face, "Zola Grey-Shepherd."</p>
      <p>"That's right, ZoZo," Meredith looked back at her with a grin, "You want music?"</p>
      <p>Zola nodded and Meredith turned on the playlist she had made of Zola's favourite songs for the car. Derek didn't miss the slight shake of nervousness in her hand and reached to place his hand in hers as he drove the car, giving her hand a gentle squeeze, "It's going to be okay, there's nothing to worry about."</p>
      <p>"I know, I just, they could say no, Derek," she starred to tear up a little as she looked over at him.</p>
      <p>"They won't do that, okay?" He released her hand so that he could change gears before placing it on her thigh gently, an act of comfort and reassurance.</p>
      <p>Meredith sighed softly and set her hand on top of Derek's as she looked out of the window for the rest of the journey. Eventually they arrived at their destination, and Meredith quickly exited the car to lift Zola out of her seat in the back of the car and held her on her hip, needing to feel Zola close. She couldn't help but think the worst could happen.</p>
      <p>Derek walked in beside her, his hand resting at the small of her back. They made their way to the assigned courtroom, meeting up with their lawyer, and sat on the bench outside the room, waiting to be called in.</p>
      <p>"Do I look okay?" Meredith looked to Derek as she spoke quietly and his arm moved around her shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze.</p>
      <p>"You look perfect, Meredith," he murmured softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead before looking to Zola, who was looking around with wide eyes, "Doesn't Mommy look pretty, Zola?"</p>
      <p>Zola turned to look at Derek and then at Meredith, before visibly relaxing and she giggled, nodding as she pressed her hand against Meredith's cheek, "Pretty, Mommy."</p>
      <p>"Thank you, baby girl," she grinned at her daughter, and Derek couldn't comprehend how anyone could question the love she held for Zola.</p>
      <p>Their case was called, and Meredith placed Zola in her feet as they stood, taking Zola's hand in hers, but Zola whimpered, reaching her hand up to Meredith, "Carry, Mommy."</p>
      <p>"Okay, Zo," she picked Zola back up, holding her on her hip again as they walked inside the room, Zola's face buried against her neck out of shyness and Meredith rubbed her back to try and ease her distress. She murmured softly to Zola as they took their seats, "Come on, baby. It's okay. I'm here, Daddy's here."</p>
      <p>Zola wriggled in Meredith's lap slightly as she got comfortable before peaking her head out and taking a look around the room, keeping a grip on Meredith's blazer. Her attention was drawn by the family court judge entering the room, and Meredith held her as they stood. The judge was introduced and they were all asked to be seated, and Zola got comfortable in Meredith's lap again. It was obvious that Zola wasn't about to move away from her mother anytime soon.</p>
      <p>Derek's gaze switched between the judge and Meredith as she sat with Zola, noticing how both were holding on to each other for support. Meredith, Derek, and Janet, the social worker, were all sworn in before the judge began.</p>
      <p>They started with Janet's report of the suitability of the placement, both objective facts as well more subjective opinions, all positive. They had countless recommendations from their co-workers.</p>
      <p>The judge then looked toward where Derek, Meredith and Zola sat before speaking, "Is it your intention to provide Zola with a loving home?"</p>
      <p>Derek's hand slid into Meredith's with a gentle squeeze as they both nodded and replied together, "Yes."</p>
      <p>With a grin on her face, the judge declared the finalisation of the adoption and Meredith released a breath she didn't even realise she was holding, all tension leaving her body in that instant. Zola was hers to love, protect and keep safe. She looked down at Zola who was looking back up at her confused, "Mommy why you sad?"</p>
      <p>Meredith hadn't even realised she was crying, and she shook her head, using her free hand that wasn't holding Zola to wipe at her eyes, "Oh no, Zola. I'm not sad, I'm really, really happy."</p>
      <p>Zola's arms reached up to hug around Meredith's neck as she stood, hugging Zola close to her as Derek's arms came around them, "The judge wants to take a picture and meet Zola."</p>
      <p>Meredith nodded as Zola reached out for Derek, sensing the happy atmosphere between them as she grinned wide, "Daddy carry now!"</p>
      <p>Derek chuckled and lifted Zola out of Meredith's hold, who felt more tears falling down her cheeks at the sight of them and lifted her hands to wipe them away as they walked to take a picture with the judge. She watched Zola as she interacted with the judge, being shy at first but quickly realising she had nothing to be shy about as she started bragging about her new Mommy and Daddy.</p>
      <p>"Mommy is my best friend, but daddy makes the best pancakes, Mommy don't cook," Zola giggled with her hands over her mouth and they all laughed along with her.</p>
      <p>They took the picture together and collected all the documents with their lawyer. Zola wriggled to get to her feet by the time they were leaving the courtroom and Derek set her down, keeping a hold of her hand and sliding his free arm around Meredith's waist, "Ready to go?"</p>
      <p>Meredith held on to their file of legal documents and nodded, leaning into him slightly as they walked, "Let's go."</p>
      <p>Zola tugged on his arm gently and he laughed as she spoke, "Daddy let's go!"</p>
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      <p>Meredith couldn't keep the grin off her face as they made their way to dinner. She couldn't remember a time she had smiled for so much time at once, and she couldn't even articulate how she was feeling to Derek, but she was sure he knew how she felt, because she knew he was definitely feeling the same. In all the excitement, Zola had fallen asleep in the back of the car. With the car parked up in the parking lot, Derek turned to Meredith a cupped her cheek with his hand, "I love seeing you so happy."</p>
      <p>"I am, I'm really happy," she said, still grinning as she reached her hand over to rest on his thigh, leaning forward slightly to press her lips against his. His hand slipped into her hair as their lips moved together slowly for a moment before they pulled apart, their foreheads touching as she murmured softly, "I never thought I could be this happy, I never thought I could have all of this."</p>
      <p>"You deserve the world, Meredith, and I'm going to keep giving it to you every chance I get," he murmured back, pressing another kiss to her lips, "Let's go wake our little girl up and go celebrate our family."</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Ferryboats</h2></a>
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        <strong>A/N: Okay, so the next three chapters and wholly and totally fluff filled to round off this story with an end. I never really planned out this story, if you can't tell, unlike my other stories which have full on storylines already planned out to follow. I didn't want to just abandon this story though, so I hope you all enjoy the next three chapters of happiness and fluff. Thanks for reading! Also, I have another story ready to start posting and will do this once I have finished TMA. It will be M rated so read at your own risk. :)</strong>
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      <p>Meredith looked out at the expanse of water, the wind gently playing through her hair and Derek's arm securely around her waist, securing her against him.</p>
      <p>"I almost drowned once," she murmured, leaning her had against his shoulder and feeling his body slightly tense.</p>
      <p>"When?" He asked, keeping his voice quiet as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.</p>
      <p>"My intern year," she started to explain, closing her eyes as the faded memory came back to her, "The first time my mother was lucid. There was a ferry boat crash. Cristina saw me fall and when she realised I hadn't come back up she jumped in after me, dragging me out the water. I owe my life to her. And to Bailey, and countless other doctors."</p>
      <p>"Don't you know how to swim?" He asked, slight confusion in his voice as he knew she had taken Zola swimming on countless occasions, he had even been with them a few times.</p>
      <p>"Yeah," she breathed out, her hand reaching to grip his hand, almost for support. His arm tightened around her as he realised exactly what she meant. "Anyway, that was the last time I was ever in a serious relationship, but I guess it wasn't that serious when he accuses you of not caring about him while you're having some sort of mental breakdown," she said with a hollow laugh.</p>
      <p>"That's his loss, and my gain," he murmured softly, moving both arms around her now to hold her against him as she buried her face against his neck.</p>
      <p>"Hmm, you're warm," she murmured, pressing a kiss against his neck as her arms returned his hug, over his shoulders.</p>
      <p>He chuckled softly, pressing a kiss against her hair as he kept his secure hold on her, "I love you, Meredith Grey."</p>
      <p>"I love you too, Derek Shepherd," she looked up at him with a wide grin and pushed herself up on to her tip toes, pressing her lips against his.</p>
      <p>He returned her kiss with a couple more kisses of his own, not even realising the words that had left his mouth until he said them, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me."</p>
      <p>"That didn't sound like much of a question," she whispered, slightly shocked but amused at the same time.</p>
      <p>"It wasn't a question. I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he murmured as he pressed another kiss to her lips.</p>
      <p>"I want to spend the rest of my life with you too," she told him, a grin taking over her face.</p>
      <p>His hand slipped into the pocket of his coat, pulling out a small, black velvet box and placing it in her hand, "This is for you, I know you probably won't wear it all the time and that's okay. I just want you to have it."</p>
      <p>"Thank you," she grinned softly as she opened it, studying the ring it held, "It's beautiful." She slipped the small box into her coat pocket, but kept her hand wrapped around it, afraid to possibly lose it.</p>
      <p>He pressed a kiss against the side of her head, his arms wrapping around her again as the wind started to pick up and the ferry approached the port, "Let's get back in the car, hm?"</p>
      <p>"Good idea," she said, snuggling against his chest a moment before they made their way back to the car.</p>
      <p>He parked the car in the driveway and looked over at Meredith, feeling her eyes on him, "What're you thinking about?"</p>
      <p>"Did you still want to build that house for us?" She asked, reaching her hand to his with a gentle squeeze. When he nodded, she grinned softly, "Good, because I think it's time."</p>
      <p>"Yeah?" He grinned softly, lifting her hand to his lips with a gentle kiss, "I'll call the contractor in the morning."</p>
      <p>With a grin still on her face, she walked into the house, only to be greeted by their daughter who really should've been asleep by now. She crouched to lift Zola into her arms with a soft laugh, "What are you doing still up, Princess?"</p>
      <p>"Mommy, I missed you," she murmured, burying her face against Meredith's neck.</p>
      <p>Meredith's hand rubbed Zola's back gently as she looked to Maggie, "I'm here, Zo."</p>
      <p>"She had a nightmare, she's been awake for the past half hour," Maggie explained, leaning against the door.</p>
      <p>"Let's get you up to bed, baby girl," she murmured softly to Zola, "Thanks for watching her, Mags."</p>
      <p>"Anytime, she's very well behaved," Maggie said with a smile and kissed the top of Zola's head on her way past to go upstairs, "Good night, Miss Zola."</p>
      <p>Maggie went up the stairs just as Derek came into the house, and he gave Meredith a questioning look, but she just shook her head, still holding Zola close and rubbing her back as she comforted her, hoping for her to go back to sleep. He came over and pressed a kiss to the back of Zola's head, who turned to look at him but grumbled and buried herself back against Meredith sleepily.</p>
      <p>"Go on up, I'll follow you in a minute. Do you want a drink?" Derek asked her.</p>
      <p>"No, it's okay," she said, before taking Zola up the stairs and into their bedroom, somehow managing to get her jacket off and step out of her shoes while keeping hold of an unusually quiet Zola before climbing on to the bed with her, pulling the blanket around them both.</p>
      <p>Zola was still awake after five minutes of sitting with her, and Meredith ran her fingers through her hair as she spoke gently, "Whats wrong, Zo?"</p>
      <p>"Bad dream," Zola muttered, almost as though she was fighting sleep.</p>
      <p>"I'm here now, baby, you can sleep now," Meredith soothed, her hand rubbing against Zola's back as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head.</p>
      <p>"No, Mommy, no sleep," Zola protested, her eyes tearing up as she looked up at Meredith.</p>
      <p>"You're safe with Mommy, Zola. I won't let anybody hurt you, okay? And Daddy will look after you too, he's going to build us a nice big house, and you can have your room however you want it, okay?" She spoke in a soft voice as she rocked Zola side to side gently, her thumbs gently wiping away her tears.</p>
      <p>She looked up after a moment and saw Derek stood, leaning against the door frame as he watched them together and she motioned for him to join them. He smiled at her and took his shoes and jacket off before climbing onto the bed beside her and Zola turned to look at him, "Daddy build a house?"</p>
      <p>"Daddy will build a house for you, Zola," he grinned as he held her small hand.</p>
      <p>"Thank you, Daddy," she murmured, sleep heavy in her eyes now as she lay against Meredith.</p>
      <p>"Anything for you, Zola," he told her, and he moved his arm around Meredith so he could hold them both close as Zola eventually fell asleep. Derek pressed a kiss to the side of Meredith's head as he spoke softly, not wanting to wake Zola again, "Do you want me to take her to bed?"</p>
      <p>"No, I want to stay like this a little longer," Meredith murmured, settled back against Derek's chest as she held Zola close, her hand still lazily caressing Zola's back even though she was asleep now.</p>
      <p>"I'm so glad I found you," he murmured softly after a moment and Meredith turned her head to grin up at him.</p>
      <p>"I'm glad I found you too," she said as he lowered his lips to hers with a gentle kiss. "I'll take her to bed, she's still clinging on to me," she said with a soft laugh, nodding to Zola's hand that clutched her blouse.</p>
      <p>"How do you feel about a bath?" He asked as he loosened his arms so she could easily get off the bed holding Zola steady.</p>
      <p>"Good idea," she said with a smile still on her lips before leaving the room to get Zola settled into bed.</p>
      <p>Derek climbed off the bed himself and went through to their adjoining bathroom, getting the bath started as he pulled off his clothes, dumping them in the laundry basket. He lit a few candles that were dotted around the room and turned off the water as it had filled enough of the tub before climbing in the hot water to wait for Meredith to return.</p>
      <p>Just as he had sat in the water, she walked into the bathroom, her clothes already removed and grinned at him softly, "Hey."</p>
      <p>"Hey," he grinned back and held his hand out for her to join him. She took and stepped into the bath, sitting in the water in front of him. His arms wrapped around her middle and pulled her back against him so that they lay together. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head with a soft murmur, "I love you."</p>
      <p>She tilted her head back to look at him as she spoke, "I love you too." She turned a little in his arms then, pressing her lips against his in a deep kiss, hoping to convey all the love she felt for him, and her returned it, one hand sliding into her hair.</p>
      <p>"Let me show you just how much I love you," he murmured against her lips as they kissed harder now, ready to give themselves completely to one another.</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Surprise?</h2></a>
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        <strong>A/N: Here is the penultimate chapter for this story! Enjoy!</strong>
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      <p>"Are you sure about this?" Cristina asked her, combing her fingers through Meredith's hair as she stood behind her, both of them in front of the full-length mirror.</p>
      <p>"I'm sure, Cristina, stop asking," she said with a soft laugh, smoothing out the front of her blouse. "We're only going to the court house."</p>
      <p>"It's still a big thing, Meredith," Cristina said with a laugh herself.</p>
      <p>Both of them turned when they heard a giggling from the hallway and Meredith placed one hand on her hip as she grinned, "Zola, would you like to come in?"</p>
      <p>Zola's head peeked around the corner, a big grin on her face and her eyes widening as she saw Meredith, "Mommy, my hair!"</p>
      <p>"Come on then," Meredith told her, sitting on the bed as Zola joined her. She pulled Zola on to her lap, picking up the brush and pulling it through her hair gently. Cristina nodded to Meredith before leaving the room, leaving mother and daughter alone.</p>
      <p>"Mommy, look pretty," Zola grinned up at her, reaching her hand to Meredith's cheek.</p>
      <p>"Thank you, baby, but you look prettier," Meredith grinned and pulled Zola closer against her, laughing with her as she giggled.</p>
      <p>"Mommy!" she squealed as Meredith lay back on the bed with her, pulling Zola on top of her, "Mommy your hair!"</p>
      <p>Meredith moved on to her side and Zola cuddled up next to her, "My hair will be fine, ZoZo. I have a secret to tell you."</p>
      <p>"Secrets bad, Mommy," Zola said with a serious look on her face.</p>
      <p>"You're right, Zola, secrets are bad. This is a surprise for Daddy," Meredith clarified, feeling chastised by her own daughter.</p>
      <p>"Surprise?" Zola's brow furrowed in confusion.</p>
      <p>"You remember Auntie Lexie is having a baby?" She started to try and explain, and Zola nodded, "Mommy is going to have a baby, Zola. And you're going to be a big sister."</p>
      <p>She watched Zola processing the information, and when there was still a frown on her face after a moment, Meredith started to become a bit worried, but then Zola spoke again, her lips in a pout, "Me baby."</p>
      <p>"You'll always be my baby, Zola," she tried to reassure her, her arms wrapping around her to pull her close and Zola's face buried against her chest.</p>
      <p>"Baby in Mommy's belly?" Zola asked, looking up at Meredith again, "Like Lex?"</p>
      <p>"Yeah, like Lexie," Meredith smiled, running her fingers over Zola's hair gently.</p>
      <p>"Okay, Mommy," Zola nodded and snuggled back against her, "When tell Daddy?"</p>
      <p>Meredith laughed softly, pressing a kiss against the top of Zola's head, "When do you think we should tell him?"</p>
      <p>"Now, Mommy! Daddy likes babies," she said with a confident nod of her head, making Meredith laugh softly again.</p>
      <p>"Not right this second, princess. We need to get going or we'll be late," she hugged Zola closer a moment, suddenly feeling nerves washing over her.</p>
      <p>A knock on the door confirmed the thought that they were running out of time and she heard Cristina's voice on the other side, "We need to go in five minutes."</p>
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      <p>They arrived at the courthouse with only five minutes to spare, Zola insisting on walking from the car into the building as she held a tight grip on Meredith's hand. As soon as she saw Derek stood by the entrance to the building, she let go of Meredith's hand and ran straight to him, hugging his leg tight. He chuckled softly and crouched to greet her, pulling her into a proper hug.</p>
      <p>"You look beautiful, Zola," he commented as she grinned and shook her head.</p>
      <p>"Not me, Mommy!" She insisted, looking back to Meredith who was approaching them now.</p>
      <p>He looked up with a grin, lifting Zola into his arms as he stood up and carrying her on his hip, "Mommy is beautiful. But so are you," he told her, pressing a kiss to the side of her forehead.</p>
      <p>Just as Meredith came into earshot, Zola giggles and whispered into Derek's ear, "Mommy has secret."</p>
      <p>"Does she now?" He grinned still, a soft chuckle escaping his lips as he looked to Meredith, "What's your secret, Mommy?" He said for Zola's benefit, whose head was leant on his shoulder, still giggling softly.</p>
      <p>"It's not a secret, it's a surprise," she clarified, leaning to kiss the top of Zola's head in amusement.</p>
      <p>"We like surprises," he said, keeping one arm holding Zola firmly as he slid the other around Meredith's waist, pressing a kiss to her lips in greeting, "Feeling better?"</p>
      <p>The morning before, Meredith had been woken by a bout of sickness, and while this indicated possible pregnancy to herself, Derek thought she had just picked up a stomach bug.</p>
      <p>"Much better," she gave him a reassuring smile, "Let's go."</p>
      <p>The three of them walked in, closely followed by Cristina and Mark who had come along as witnesses. They didn't need a big wedding, they just wanted to be married, and doing it at the courthouse was the best solution for them.</p>
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      <p>The ceremony was short, but sweet and Zola clapped as Meredith and Derek sealed their vows with a kiss, making everyone laugh. Zola walked at Derek's side holding his hand with a gentle tug as they walked outside, apparently to slow for Zola's liking.</p>
      <p>"What's the rush, Zola?" Derek said with a soft chuckle.</p>
      <p>"Surprise, Daddy!" She exclaimed, a grin on her face and Meredith felt a slight blush on her cheeks as she laughed softly at her daughter's excitement. If anything, Meredith was nervous to tell Derek and she wasn't even sure why.</p>
      <p>Cristina caught Meredith's eyes with a knowing grin, having overheard her talking with Zola earlier, and had been the one getting the pregnancy tests for Meredith the night before, "I'm surprised Zola hasn't said anything yet."</p>
      <p>"Cristina," Meredith chastised, shaking her head amusedly, "Let's not give her any ideas, hm?"</p>
      <p>"Now I'm very intrigued," Derek said, eyeing Meredith he just pressed her lips together as though she knew nothing.</p>
      <p>Zola was practically jumping up and down at this point, "Mommy, please!"</p>
      <p>Meredith released her hand from Derek's as went to scoop Zola up into her arms, "When we get home, okay? I promise, you can tell Daddy."</p>
      <p>Zola pouted but nodded, only to smile again when Meredith pressed a kiss to the top of her head before strapping her into her car seat. She closed the door and Cristina came up to her to give her a hug, which was rare for Cristina to instigate.</p>
      <p>"I'll see you later on with everyone else," she said, referring to the party that had been planned for them later on that evening with the rest of their friends and family, "I'll get a ride from Mark. Oh, and congratulations, you deserve all of this, remember that."</p>
      <p>"Thanks, Cris," she said with a grin as they released each other from the hug, "I'll see you later."</p>
      <p>She watched as Cris said goodbye to Zola, who had actually started to drift off to sleep from the excitement as she sat in her car seat. Meredith climbed in the passenger side of the car, where Derek was waiting to set off back to their new house that had been finished pretty much the day before.</p>
      <p>"Ready to go, Dr Grey-Shepherd?" He asked with a soft grin, pleased to be able to add his surname on to hers now.</p>
      <p>"I'm ready," she said with a grin, equally happy to hear it. He leaned over to press a soft kiss to her lips before he set off driving.</p>
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      <p>Zola was still asleep when they arrived home, and Meredith unfastened her and lifted her into her arms, balancing her on her hip as she started to wake a little. She looked over the finished property, and although she had already seen it, it was like she was seeing it for the first time.</p>
      <p>"Shall we go in?" Derek asked as he walked up beside her, "I want to know what my surprise is."</p>
      <p>She laughed softly, "I really want to tell you now, but I promised Zola she could tell you."</p>
      <p>"Partners in crime, you two," he grinned softly, pressing a kiss to her cheek before walking ahead of her to open the front door.</p>
      <p>She walked in, talking softly to Zola in an attempt to wake her, "Zo, we're at our new home now. Do you want to see?"</p>
      <p>Zola merely grumbled and buried her head into Meredith's shoulder, gripping on to the lapel of Meredith's overcoat tighter as she was determined to stay asleep. Meredith sat on the couch with her as Derek went to put a drink together for her, a known tactic for easing Zola awake. Meredith had another idea to get her awake though.</p>
      <p>"It's time to tell Daddy his surprise," she murmured softly, and laughed as her lifted, looking up at Meredith.</p>
      <p>"Now Mommy?" she said, still sleepy and rubbing her eyes, but now determined to wake up as Meredith nodded. Derek walked back over across the room with Zola's cup in hand to give to her and she spotted him, a grin on her face as she reached to him, "Daddy!"</p>
      <p>"Hi, Zola. Mommy says you have a surprise for me," he said, setting the cup down on the table as he sat on the couch beside them, Zola immediately moving over into his lap.</p>
      <p>Zola nodded, sitting in Derek's lap now with a grin on her face, completely awake, "Mommy says I'm a big sister now, and Mommy has baby in belly like Lex does, but Zola always Mommy and Daddy's baby," she rushed out with an affirmative nod when she had finished talking, and then looked up at Derek, "You like babies, Daddy!"</p>
      <p>Meredith grinned softly at Zola's excitement and Derek looked at Meredith with slightly wide eyes, tearing up a little, "You're pregnant?"</p>
      <p>Speechless, Meredith could only nod with a grin, and Zola who just noticed the juice that had been left for her, climbed off Derek's lap to drink from the cup, and Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith in a close embrace.</p>
      <p>"That's why you were sick," he murmured softly against her hair and she nodded with a soft laugh, "I love you, so much."</p>
      <p>"I love you too," she murmured as she pulled back a little to meet his kiss, pulling back again when Zola patted her leg</p>
      <p>"Mommy, can I see my room?" Zola asked, holding her cup in her other hand.</p>
      <p>"Of course, baby," she grinned softly, and Derek released her so they could both stand up and she took Zola's hand, leading her to her new room with Derek following close behind them.</p>
      <p>Zola let out an excited squeal as soon as she saw her room and released Meredith's hand to explore her new bedroom. Derek's arms wrapped around her from behind, his hand resting on her abdomen as his chin perched itself on her shoulder, both of them laughing softly at Zola's reaction.</p>
      <p>"Thank you," he murmured softly, pressing a kiss to her cheek as he spoke.</p>
      <p>"What for?" she murmured softly, still watching Zola play.</p>
      <p>"For my surprise, I love it," he said with a soft chuckle.</p>
      <p>She tilted her head against his slightly, a wide smile on her face, "Yeah?"</p>
      <p>"Mhm, when did you find out?" He asked, not in an accusatory way, just curious to know.</p>
      <p>"Last night, I realised it was a possibility at like 9pm and had Cristina run out to get like five tests," she said with a soft laugh, "We worked it out, I'm almost two months along."</p>
      <p>"So, the night we got engaged?" He asked, raising an eyebrow, also keeping his gaze on watching Zola exploring her new room.</p>
      <p>"Most likely," she said, grinning softly and closing her eyes, comfortable in Derek's hold. Everything just felt complete now, and she would fight anyone who tried to take this all away from them.</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Happy Ever After</h2></a>
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    <p>She sat in the corner of the sofa; the spot she'd practically taken residence in the whole week she'd been home from the hospital. Derek had left to collect Zola from school at Meredith's insistence that their daughter does not feel abandoned by them. One of them would always strive to pick her up from school and it was rare that either of them found they needed to ask the favour of anyone else.</p><p>She carefully adjusted her arms as to not wake the sleeping bundle snuggled against her chest, unable to keep her gaze off him as she watched him dream. She didn't think she'd be here this time two years ago, but here she was. Exhausted, in desperate need of a shower, but feeling like the luckiest person in the world. Her fingertip lightly stroked over his chubby cheek only for his tiny fist to reach out, and she let him take hold of her finger with his tight grip.</p><p>Down the hall, she heard the door open and the sound of her daughter's chatty voice carry through into the living room. She looked over to the doorway expectantly, a smile on her face as her daughter appeared in the doorway with her coat and backpack still on grinning back at her.</p><p>"Mommy! Baby!" She whisper-shouted, something she had perfected in the short time her baby brother had been brought home from the hospital.</p><p>"Coat and bag, Zo, then come and cuddle, okay?" Meredith told her. Zola nodded with excitement before heading back out of the room.</p><p>Derek came in as Zola raced out and grinned softly at his wife, coming over to press a quick kiss on her lips before leaning to press a gentle kiss to his son's forehead, speaking softly, "Is he sleeping?"</p><p>"Yeah, about fifteen minutes now," she confirmed, smiling up at Derek.</p><p>"Do you want me to take him so you can shower?" He offered, still speaking in a quiet voice as he moved to sit beside her on the couch, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.</p><p>"I want to see Zola first," she said with a small shake of her head, looking up as Zola came back into the room, coming round to the couch.</p><p>"Daddy go, my turn to cuddle," she insisted, patting his leg.</p><p>Derek chuckled and leaned forward, lifting Zola into his lap, "Okay, let me get one first though before I go make dinner."</p><p>Zola snuggled into her father's chest as he held her close a moment before wriggling a little to be set free, reaching to Meredith who carefully adjusted the baby to one arm, supported by a cushion, lifting her now free arm to allow Zola to cuddle into her side as Derek stood up again, heading over to the kitchen area.</p><p>"How was school, baby girl?" Meredith asked, giving Zola a gentle squeeze as she snuggled against her side.</p><p>"Good. I missed you, Mommy," she said as she looked up at Meredith, a slight pout on her lips.</p><p>"I missed you too, ZoZo," she gently rubbed her hand up and down Zola's arm in an act of reassurance, happy to have both of her babies snuggled with her. Zola was happy with this response and tried to get a better look of her baby brother, being held steady by Meredith.</p><p>"He's so cute, Mommy," she gushed, a grin on her face, "I can take him to school?"</p><p>"Why do you want to take him to school, Zo?" She said with a soft laugh at her enthusiasm, running her fingers through Zola's hair that had been so neat this morning.</p><p>"I told <em>everyone</em> I had a baby, and <em>everyone</em> wants to see him!" she explained, the same enthusiasm still in her voice.</p><p>"We'll compromise, next week I'll bring the baby to pick you up from school, okay?" Meredith offered, watching Zola take in and process the offer a moment.</p><p>"Com-pro-mise?" Zola said the word slowly and Meredith nodded, confirming she had pronounced it properly, "Okay, Mommy. You bring baby and I can show <em>everyone!</em>"</p><p>Meredith laughed softly and leaned to give Zola a quick kiss on the side of her head, only for Zola to return a kiss to Meredith's cheek.</p><p>Derek came back in the room now just as the baby started to fuss in Meredith's hold and she shifted to sit up a little, having to move her arm from around Zola to hold him carefully upright against her shoulder to rub his back gently as a way of comforting him.</p><p>"I'll take him," Derek offered, holding his hands out, not missing the flash of hesitation in Meredith's eyes that he tried to not take personally before she let him take their son in his arms, and he held him the way Meredith had been against his chest, comforting him.</p><p>"Mommy tired?" Zola asked after watching the interaction. Meredith looked to her with a gentle smile, the realisation of how smart her daughter was hitting her, and she teared up a little, which she would blame on the hormones. Seeing the tears, Zola panicked a little and climbed into Meredith's lap, "Mommy sad?!"</p><p>"I'm not sad, baby," she reassured her, wrapping her arms around her, and hugging her close, getting a giggle from Zola who was loving the attention from her mother, "I'm really, really happy."</p><p>"Me too, Mommy," she giggled, burying herself into Meredith's chest.</p><p>"Let's go find some dinner, Zo," Meredith suggested, her hand running lazily up and down Zola's back.</p><p>Zola shook her head and released a small yawn, mumbling, "Nap first, Mommy."</p><p>"Okay, baby," she said with a smile, watching her daughter fall asleep quickly against her. She was exhausted herself and knew the recent changes were exhausting for Zola to keep up with and adapt to. Eventually, Meredith's eyelids drooped, and she fell to sleep herself, cuddled up on the couch with Zola.</p><hr/><p>Derek watched as she started to wake, gently nudging her shoulder, holding the baby against his shoulder as he whimpered. She blinked a few times as she sat up, murmuring, "Crap, sorry."</p><p>"It's okay, I didn't want to wake you but he's hungry," Derek sat beside her as he passed the baby over and she took him in her arms.</p><p>"Hey, baby," she murmured softly, the knuckle of her finger running gently over his cheek, "Where's Zola?"</p><p>"She's finishing her dinner, I have a plate warmed in the oven for you," he pressed a kiss to her cheek before standing again, "I'll get it ready for you."</p><p>"Thank you, Derek. I don't know what I'd do without you," she grinned up at him.</p><p>"And you'll never have to find out," he said before heading back through to the kitchen, finding Zola had finished her food and was climbing off her chair.</p><p>"All done, Zo?" He asked as he moved her plate off the table, "Where are you going now?"</p><p>"Back to cuddle Mommy," she told him, matter of factly.</p><p>"Mommy's feeding your brother, baby girl," he set the plate down in the sink and walked over to her, lifting her up into a hug, "You can cuddle Daddy though, Daddy loves Zola's cuddles."</p><p>She giggled, burying her face against his chest as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "Daddy, go park tomorrow? I miss the park."</p><p>"That sounds like a great idea, Zola," he confirmed, "it's time for your bath soon, and then why don't we watch a movie before bed?"</p><p>"Nemo?" Zola asked with a grin on her face as Derek carried her over to the couch where Meredith was feeding the baby, "I think Bailey like nemo."</p><p>Derek laughed softly and Meredith grinned at them in amusement as she listened to their conversation, "We can watch Nemo, Princess."</p><p>"Thank you, daddy," Zola said, patting his cheek as he sat them both on the couch. "Mommy?" she turned to look at Meredith.</p><p>"Yes, baby?" Meredith asked, her brow furrowing slightly at the sudden look of seriousness on Zola's face.</p><p>"Thank you for keeping me, and giving me Daddy, and baby Bailey. I like being big sister," she said with a nod.</p><p>"You're welcome, Zola," she said with a wide grin, her eyes tearing up a little at Zola's words. She was also glad she'd finally taken that step almost two years ago to adopt Zola, to forgive Derek, and give the little girl a family, "And you're a very good big sister."</p><p>
  <strong>A/N: Thank you all for reading the very first Grey's Anatomy story I've written and thank you for sticking with me! Thank you all for your lovely reviews those who have reviewed. Please look at my other, better planned out, stories on here, Back To Seattle, the sequel for which will be started soon hopefully, and We've Got To Stop Meeting Like This, which will be updated sometime between today and tomorrow – it's written up and just needs a few finishing touches. Again, thank you for all your lovely comments, it definitely helped me keep this going until the very end! I may be coming back through here at some point to fix a lot of errors I have noticed upon reading back.</strong>
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